Saturday, June 16, 2007

Welcome to My NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

Just a quick entry to say that as of Monday A.M. I will be packed and on my way up to Camp. I'm trying to find a way to get excited, but right now, I'm more overwhelmed with worrying about packing up, making sure everyone has what they need and mostly making sure all the bills are paid while I am gone.

This is my 5th year doing this, and I thought it would get easier to prepare, but it just doesn't seem to. I try not to leave things til the last minute, but of course, last minute things always pop up. I'm completely scattered, and I feel bad for people that invite us to birthday parties and other special occasions this time of year, because I invariably forget to rsvp in a timely fashion. I am normally fairly undependable (I'll admit that...I'm not very good at returning phone calls and e-mails), but this time of year I become COMPLETELY undependable. I am so focused on get myself together to live a new life, that everything else tends to get ignored.

You know that feeling at the beginning of the school year, when everything is fresh? I vow every year to write down the school calendar so we don't forget early days and off days, to make dentist appointments, orthodontist, ophthalmologist, gynecologist, pediatrician, etc. etc. I buy a fresh new calendar to write down each obligation. I plan my days to be constructive, I try to keep my house clean and together, to make dinner every night, to keep the girls in check.

Then comes the Jewish High Holy Days. I get more stressed about dressing the kids for services than I actually enjoy going to the services. I promise myself to plant tulip and daffodil bulbs every year, but somehow never get around to it. October is Hayleys birthday, so we try to do something special, then comes Halloween planning, costume fittings, pumpkin carving and parties, November with the requisite eating of the Halloween Candy When the Kids Aren't Watching (Reese's Cups first, then Milky Ways, then Hershey Bars, then Snickers. Butterfingers only when the rest of the candy is eaten.) Then its the "who's going to make Thanksgiving this year" fight. December, which just completely stresses me between Hanukah and Christmas gift giving. January calms down...(I think Martin Luther King Day might be my favorite holiday) Then February with the valentines cards and treats and Addie's Birthday Party mixed in, March is Purim time, I try to always make Hamentashen, but like my tulips and daffodils, they usually don't come. Passover in April is a huge priority, I have 20 people or so join us for a seder...then Aunt Wendi's Birthday and then May, the month the everyone else in the family is born PLUS Mother's day to complicate matters, Sydney and Gregg's Birthdays (back to back) and the planting of my impatiens. June is all about preparing for camp and the end of the school year.

It doesn't change, it is the same routine every year. Rarely a surprise, a few complications, but the same turn of events.

The main thing that stays the same is that at the beginning of the school year, camp and summer seem a lifetime away,and before you know it, we are back at camp, like we never left. While planning for camp, it seems like we will be there for an eternity, but the weeks at camp fly just like the months do during the rest of the year.

I think I have to just STOP.

Stop and just be grateful for the beautiful life I have been blessed with.
To not be so hard on myself for not being the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister.
To take care of my body and say NO this Halloween to the Reeses Cups, Milky Ways, Hershey Bars, Snickers and even the Butterfingers.
Be grateful for friends that reach out to me and family that cares for me, instead of sometimes feeling like social obligations are complications instead of blessings.
Treasure my girls and take advantage of moments to praise and adore them, instead of being negative.
Make special time for Gregg and me. We are the foundation of this family, we need to keep our relationship strong.

In conclusion, I don't know how much effort I'm going to be able to put in my blog this summer, although with a little help from my sister, I'm going to attempt to post now and then. Of course, I now fancy myself as the editor of my own Magazine (I have a readership of at least 6 people!), so I have a responsibility to my readers to keep you informed of my life and lessons I learn everyday. I'll make every effort to keep this forum of my own musings alive for the next 8 weeks.

I wish everyone a wonderful and productive summer!

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