When she was just a baby I wrote a letter to her in her baby book. "Just be happy", I pleaded. That's all we can ever hope for our children, really. Because, in the end, that's all that matters...that you were happy, that you were surrounded by love and you have given and received love generously, isn't it? And so, to that level I am pleased as punch...jumping for joy. Because my oldest girl, this old soul, who, as a baby cried more than any baby before or since; fussed til her parents were collapsed in exhaustion, only started to become happy when she gained control of her world. As she gained strength in her neck and could hold up her head, sit up independently, crawl, walk, and talk (and boy, could she talk!) it was only then that she became a happy child. When she was in control of herself.
I have been asked so many times by so many people how I FEEL about her move. If I'm being completely honest; I'm jumping for joy! She is a butterfly, her spirit soars. She has had adventures in her (almost) 22 years that I wouldn't even dare dream. My fears, my anxieties and my lack of confidence strapped me in to a more traditional existence; but boy, just once in my life, I would have liked to have been someone like this beautiful creature who I brought into this world.
I know she adores her family. I know we adore her. This isn't a girl running to an exotic destination to run away from anything. This is a girl who ran to an exotic destination to live rather than just exist. And, hell, when you are young and unencumbered by adulthood, isn't this the perfect time to do just that?
I thank God for Indigo, her puppy, who found her by fate. Because I know she and and Indigo will take care of each other. Be unconditional best friends when life gets challenging.
I miss my girl. So so much. But I also know, that she is living her life. Happy, loving , generous, independent and kind.
She is not like me, but she is just like me. The part of me inside myself. The part of me that wants to fly into the wind and dance with the butterflies. The part of me that wants to walk barefoot in the jungle and make friends with every character I meet. The part of me that wants to spread a little magic wherever I go and to whomever I touch.
So, in answer to your question, the truth is, I couldn't be more proud.