Fork in the Road

My girls are on the cusp of the time in their lives where they'll start making real life-changing decisions. Experience has taught me plenty, not the least of which is the fact that my girls (sadly) aren't interested in learning from my experiences. When my own mother gives advice to me, there are times when I think, "I'm going to do this my way." But in the end, my mother is usually right. I guess there are just some lessons that we choose learn on our own.

But...if they would really listen, ....here's a bit of what I'd say.

1. Never act on a knee-jerk reaction. When something is a little unsettling, let it marinate for a little bit, before deciding how to proceed.
2. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Nobody sets out to be a bad person.
3. The person with most power in any relationship is the one with the least interest in that relationship.
4. Stick to your studies, you can watch TV or surf the internet later.
5. Don't get a tattoo. It might be really cute on a young wrinkle free body, but it will only look stupid when you are my age. Plus, it will embarrass your children.
6. A belly button ring is actually not that bad. As long as your tummy is flat as a board.
7. Push yourself to do for others. It's easier to sit back, and remain self-absorbed, but in the end, you will end up isolated and lonely.
8. Don't lose your virginity. Ever. Okay, maybe that's a little harsh. But when you do, make sure you are not drunk, you are deeply in love and at least 34 years old. ;)
9. But seriously, don't get married at least until you are in your late twenties. You have plenty of years to be a grown up, enjoy your youth, travel, stay up all night, eat cereal for dinner.
10. Don't get caught up in the romantic notion that having a baby is easy. It's not all lullabies and baby powder. It's hard work, and nothing can prepare you for the shock of a screaming hungry baby at 3:30 in the morning.
11. Pay your bills on time.
12. Don't ever think that material possessions will make you happy.
13. Never forget to remind yourself of your blessings.
14. Don't put yourself down, people can only intimidate you if you allow them to.
15. Put your goal's ahead of immediate gratification.
16. Take chances, color outside the lines, surprise yourself.

There are so many more little pearls of wisdom I could share, but duty (okay, really big laundry pile) calls.

In the end, I would tell my kids, this:

You don't ALWAYS have to listen to your mother. I may have my opinions, my wishes, my hopes for you, but in the end, this is your life. Make your own choices, but remember to value your mother's voice of experience. She's usually right.

AM I a good Mom?

The night before last, we went out for a family dinner. We were celebrating an important anniversary, 20 years (!) since my husband and I met. Usually, people celebrate wedding anniversaries and birthdays, but, that night, 20 years ago, was so magical, it will always hold a special place in my memory bank. (For a full description, you can see my post from last year!)

My husband, (sweetheart that he is) lifted his glass of ice water to make a toast. "To my wonderful wife and the best mom in the world". We clinked glasses, and I felt, both flattered and embarrassed. Surely I'm not the best mom in the world, but would I even qualify as a "good" mom?

I hate homework (they should be able to do it themselves) , I don't make lunches (I send in some lunch money), I don't make their beds. I never remember to pick up toilet paper at the supermarket. I haven't attended a PTA meeting in years. I RSVP'd for Addie to attend a birthday party on Sunday, then completely forgot to take her. I don't feel particularly mature, or particularly together. The laundry never gets finished. There are weeds to pull, that I never get to. I don't like playing catch outside, I'm bad at pretend. I've missed a few soccer games, here and there. I always forget to fill out permission slips.

I have the makings of a HORRIBLE MOM!!!

Okay, here's the part where I make myself feel better.

NOBODY is a perfect mom. We all have our gifts, we all have our weaknesses. And though my list of weaknesses is a mile long, at least I know where my strengths lie.

We sit down for a family dinner most every night. We turn off the TV, cell phones and computers for that brief 45 minutes.

My husband and I proudly show our affection for each other, and I believe we've shown the girls that a loving relationship is based on mutual respect and trust, and genuine friendship.

My daughter's confide in me. (Sometimes more than I'd like them too!) But they trust me enough to tell me stuff that I could never have shared with my own mother (who, by the way, is the ultimate great mom).

My daughter's treat other's with respect. They always remember to say please and thank you.

I've demonstrated to my daughters the importance of family, not just our little nuclear family, but our extended family, as well.

Of course we all love each other, but we actually LIKE each other as well.

We know how to laugh at ourselves, and find humor in just about anything.

The stuff I'm good at, isn't necessarily the day to day organizational side of parenthood. That part doesn't come very naturally to me. It is the intangibles that are my strength. Whether that's better for my children in the long run, I don't know. But when you get down to it, we're all just trying to do our best.

I'm sure my mother made mistakes, but I never once questioned her love for me. And, in the end, I'm hoping that my daughters will be able to say the same thing about me.

Happy Mother's Day