Blinded by my own Reflection

December 2006, we attended the Bat Mitzvah of Hayley's bff Samantha. The ENTIRE crew of us was invited to the event, Gregg, all three girls and me. It was a lovely cermony, a lovely reception. Sam's dad stood up at the reception to thank their guests for attending, and made mention of a very special guest, author Jennifer Weiner. She was doing research for a new book she was writing, and wanted to get a first hand look at the current Bar/Bat Mitzvah scene.

Now, frankly, I'm usually a little shy when it comes to stuff like this. But Jennifer Weiner!!! I first fell for her when she wrote a column in the Philadelphia Inquirer. When she wrote her first novel, I felt like a proud mama watching her little baby grow up. The movie, "In Her Shoes" was based on another of her novels, about two Jewish sisters from the Philadelphia area. It touched me to the core.

So here I am, at a Bat Mitzvah, and she's LITERALLY ONE TABLE AWAY!! I know she's going to be my new best friend. She's going to LOVE ME!! We are kindred spirits!! This is my CHANCE!!

I saunter up to my future BFF, and casually introduce myself. She was very polite, smiled, shook my hand, and that was that.

But I have an almost 13 year old daughter she can write about! I have a SISTER! I'm planning a Bat Mitzvah! I really LOVED Shirley McClaine in the MOVIE!!! We're practically TWINS!!!!!!!!!

Then it occurs to me, Wendi would absolutely PLOTZ if she heard about this. So I call Wendi on the cell phone, and I think, that all of a sudden this day is no longer about Samantha, the Bat Mitzvah, but it's about JENNIFER WEINER the FAMOUS AUTHOR!!!!!!!! And I feel bad about that a little, I really do.

"Wendi, you're not going to believe this" I speak on the tiny phone with my index finger plugging up my ear. "JENNIFER WEINER, is here right now!!!!!!!!!!""

Somehow, I got the brilliant idea, that if Jennifer Weiner spoke to my really much cooler and more successful older sister who works at a New York radio station, I might achieve a higher level of credibility than just an ordinary yenta guest at a bat mitzvah. So I approached the most famous person in the room, once again, this time with the my sister/the phone in hand.

"I'm sorry to have to interrupt you again, but my sister is a big fan, can you talk to her on the phone??"

Again, she was highly polite, spoke to Wendi, and when she was done, I figured NOW she'd really be my BFF. Once again, she wiggled her way out of my grasp.

At this point, I think I got the message. She wasn't attracted to me, to my really cool sister, to my love of her or anything. She didn't need anymore friends, and frankly, she WAS there that day to do research.

Darn it.

I think I continued to stalk a little after that, just to make sure she really didn't need me, she got to meet Hayley, and even interview her for her research, but no, she was clearly there to work not to socialize.

Oh well, easy come, easy go.

Fast forward, Mother's Day 2008. Wendi and I exchange gifts (I'm not sure how Mother's Day became a reason for sisters to exchange gifts, but somehow it has), and what is it, but Certain Girls, the recently published book by Jennifer Weiner.

Now, I'd love to tell you that there is entire chapter in her book about that fateful day in 2006 when Jennifer Weiner got to meet ME, but alas, I'm no fool.

What I can tell you, is that I'm just about 1/3 of the way through, and once again, Ms. Weiner touches my soul. She writes about the relationship of a mother and her almost 13 year old daughter. The perspective of the book switches between Mother and Daughter, and I'm amazed how authentic it feels.

Gregg asked last night if I was enjoying the book. I told him, it's making me a little nauseous. (And I mean that in a good way). It's just that I see so much of myself in this character, that it hurts a little, and I feel like I need to look away. Like when a bright light is shined into my eyes. The truth is so illuminated, it's a little blinding.

I really can't wait to continue reading, (nausea and all), and I must admit, that I feel comfort in reading about this relationship, that my insecurities, my worries, my sometimes unwillingness to let go of my hold on my children is not unique to just me. And even though Jennifer Weiner, the famous author doesn't have room in her life for me personally, I am grateful she has welcomed me into a little piece of her soul.

P.S. In her acknowledgments, she says, "In researching this book, I was lucky enough to be invited to....the bat mitzvah of Samantha W in Cherry Hill where absolutely NOTHING untoward happened. I thank...Samantha...and (her) parents, friends, and families for being so gracious and welcoming."

Did you notice she thanked Samantha's FRIENDs. Hmmmm....maybe she was referring to me....(give me a break, a girl can dream!)

P.P.S. Do you see the back of the arm on the cover of the book, it kind of looks like me on the day we met, pictured below.... (Okay, I know that's pushing it....but c'mon, do you think that's really just a coincidence???)

A Year of Colic

Last year, on the day before Mother's Day, I wrote my first blog entry. I set out to write a blog slightly different from what it has morphed into. I initially thought, I wouldn't share this with anyone. I wanted to simply journal my feelings day to day.

I learned in this year, that writing is the ultimate therapy. Feelings I didn't know I had bubble up to the surface when I'm writing. I find myself experiencing life, and then thinking, "I need to blog about that". It's not really about communicating, but more about sorting out my thoughts, and then organizing them in a fashion that helps me make sense of my journey.

Heidi asked me last night if I was okay if my children read my blog. I am. In fact, I wouldn't write anything on this blog that I wouldn't share with them. In fact, I think my blog would be far more compelling if I threw caution to the wind, and spoke about EVERYthing. But I am protective of my girls, and I reveal just enough to be therapeutic, but not enough to be a complete embarrassment! When I need to sort out the more private stuff, I have my husband, mother, sister and girlfriends to confide in.

I kept a journal for many years when I was a teen and in my early twenties. I loved journaling back then for the simple fact that sometimes I just didn't feel like I wanted to burden anyone with my drama. And I always felt like in the end, I would have written my own personal history books.

That has become the function in blog-land, except these history books will be here forever, their pages won't tatter and they won't get covered with dust in a box in the attic.

I've made friends, learned some life lessons, had the opportunity to share with family and friends, and have touched people on the other side of the world.

The day before mother's day was a good day to begin this journey, one year ago. And I am learning that my theme, "Colic was Easier" is a metaphor for our natural longing for the "good old days". Things always look sweeter and simpler in hindsight. It's like how women who have given birth always say they don't remember the pain. I think we can all try to remember that when times are challenging. One day, I'm sure, I will look back on these days, the days that made my hair gray, and think, those days were nothing compared to this.

I guess, we just need to savor every moment of our lives. Because, as the song says, "these ARE the good old days."

Peace.

Four Days, Four Movies

I love going to the movies. It's my little escape. For $9.00, I can go on a two hour vacation complete with popcorn and diet coke. I particularly like the chick flick genre, musicals, comedies. Nothing terribly deep. It's just that if I'm going to go on vacation (even for 2 hours) I don't want to come home depressed. So give me a feel good movie, and I'm happy.

Over the past 4 days, I made 4 trips to the local movie house. We have a gorgeous theater in our town, that was built originally to show arty and foreign films, not necessarily the big blockbusters. It's atmosphere is almost serene, with a coffee bar, complete with pastry and biscotti, leather couches and high brow magazines and newspapers. You definitely avoid the popcorn laden rowdiness of some of the other theaters that we have been to. Through the years it has morphed into more of a main stream theater, but it has maintained its original sophisticated flavor.

But I digress (I do that a lot)...Anyway, I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall (thanks to Amber, my bloggy twin), Baby Mama (kind of a disappointment)and finally, I saw Young at Heart. In fact I loved Young at Heart so much, I went back the very next day to see it again with my parents and daughters.



If you haven't heard about Young at Heart, it is a documentary about a choral group made up solely of seniors, aged from about 70 and up. They perform all kinds of pop and rock music, such as The Clash, The Ramones, James Brown and Coldplay. Absolutely amazing. I was incredibly moved by the experience.

We are so used to seeing movies that are pretty. In Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the two female love interests were absolutely flawless. Perfect skin, hair, white teeth, gorgeous bodies. It's easy to see why women and girls can develop body issues, if this level of perfection, is portrayed as our role models. It's beautiful to look at, but REALLY, who looks like that in the real world?

The women and men in Young at Heart were real people. Their body's were worn down, a by-product of life. Their skin, with broken capillaries, pock-marks, extra chin hair and soft wrinkles, did not have the advantage of good lighting, air-brushing or botox treatments. To function, they relied on canes, oxygen machines, blood transfusions, magnifying glasses, and the help of good friends. There bodies seemingly healthy and robust, could turn on them in the blink of an eye. They have to become accustomed to ill-health and loss.

But instead of giving up, these people live more vivaciously than I do. They have passion, for their music, for their friends, for being a part of a community. They envision their future, not for the next few months, but for years and years. They are true role models, because, instead of just existing, the are LIVING.

My father-in-law passed away about 3 years ago at the age of 86. He'd lived a full life, with a large and loving family, he never really retired, adored the playing golf and watching baseball games. He was a quiet man, with a sparkle in his eyes that was inherited by my husband and daughters.

The week before he passed away, he was admitted into the hospital. His body was failing and his death was inevitable. We spent many hours at the hospital, taking turns with Gregg's brothers and sisters at his bedside. I went to his room to say goodbye one evening before we left. He took my hand and told me, "I don't think I'm going to live another year, and I'm not ready to die. I just don't want to miss seeing your babies grow up." He wept as he confided in me.

Here he was, and the end was there, and he was planning on living another year. He died peacefully in his sleep 4 days later. Everyone said he was a lucky man, to live so long. But he surely wasn't ready to let go.

I guess this movie struck a nerve with me, because sometimes I feel I'm just existing. I get caught up in the laundry, the bills, the computer, the homework, cooking, cleaning, only to go to bed and wake up the next day to do it all again.

But one day, God willing, I'll wake up, feeling like the person I am today, but in the mirror I will see those broken capillaries, soft wrinkles, and chin hairs. I hope, like my father-in-law, I'll be planning my life, not my death. And I hope I'll have passion, community and that joy, just like the members of Young at Heart. My new role models.

Happy Birthday Shish...this is what I love about Wendi.

1. She is the best audience in the world. She can find the humor in anything, and then laughs out loud to show her appreciation.
2. She has a challenging career, accomplishes incredible things, but never toots her own horn, complains or seems overwhelmed.
3. She really is the nicer one.
4. She turns her friends into family.
5. She turns her family into friends.
6. She's willing to spend ridiculous amounts of money, so Addison can have an American Girl doll, that I would Never buy for her.
7. She talks to strangers. Anyone who catches her attention. She wants to know everything about people, and somehow people respond to her. And heaven forbid you have a Chinese baby...she will make you feel like her new best friend.
8. She chose a husband who puts up with our family, and our family nutsiness.
9. Going to her house feels like going on vacation.
10. When she comes to my house, she's willing to share a single bed with Addison, and somehow or other sleeps through the night.
11. Even though she comes to visit on a Friday, and insists she must leave on Saturday, we can usually convince her to stay til Sunday.
12. When she pigs-out, she really pigs-out.
13. But usually she counts each and every calorie.
14. She is so obsessed with my children, that she created her own my space page so she can keep track of them.
15. She's the oldest person on My space.
16. She likes showtunes.
17. A psychic once told me that in a past life we were both men and we were best friends. We loved each other so much, we decided to come back as sisters.
18. I think most people envy the relationship that we have.
19. Whenever we sit down to dinner, whether it's 5:00pm or 7:35pm, the phone rings and it is ALWAYS my sister.
20. She really misses us when we go away to camp. She would really prefer that we don't go at all.
21. But she still visits every visiting day.
22. When I was hospitalized 11 years ago, she spent the week at our house helping with the kids, and I think she even shared the bed with Gregg, which would be weird, but cause it's Wendi, it's not weird at all.
23. She will drive to our house at a moments notice if there is an emergency.
24. Like I said, she really is the nicer one.
25. We can have the worst fight in the world, yet the minute we look at eachother, we can't contain ourselves from laughing.
26. Oy and a gut - a
27. She is the most loving and affectionate person I know.
28. She puts up with my bullshit.
29. She really thinks she's still going to adore her dog just as much after the baby gets here.
30. She doesn't even realize that after the baby gets here, the dog will be the biggest pain in the butt in her life.
31. But let's not tell her, and spoil the surprise.
32. She has the coolest friends.
33. She was always protective of me when we were little, and all I knew how to do was cry.
34. Pretend you're asleep. (she'll get that)
35. She took the girls and me to Disneyworld in 1998, just because she felt like it. And when Hayley cried and wouldn't go on any of the rides, she stayed back with her while Sydney and I did everything together.
36. She's a good coach.
37. She has the best and biggest heart of anyone that i have ever known.
38. She is showing grace in her patience while she awaits the long overdue arrival of her little girl.
39. She is a loving, and very cool step-mum.
40. She turned 47 today, and she is so old, but she looks young so it doesn't matter.
Happy Birthday my Shish.

Can I go back to Orlando?

I love Disney. I love the magic, how you feel the moment you step into the parks. The cleanliness, the wonderful service, the smiles. It rained much of the time we were there, but, we kept reminding ourselves, that a rainy day in Disneyworld is still better than a nice day at home.

Since we were there with only Addison, we were able to really appeal to her interests, and we did everything girly. She visited her "fairy godmother-in-training" at the Bippity Boppity Boutique, and received a makeover fit for a princess. We met Belle and the Beast, Cinderella, Snow White, et al. We enjoyed It's a Small World, a Pirate and Princess Party, parades, fireworks in Norway, belly dancers in Morocco.

Addie especially loved taking a drawing class at Hollywood Studio's (formerly MGM). A trained Disney Artist taught us step by step how to draw Disney characters. We loved it so much, we took three classes!

But for all of the magic and high tech fun, the most magical moment came just as we thought our vacation was over.

It was our last night in Florida. We were in the Hollywood Studio's park, we missed out on the closing show because it was raining. Feeling rather melancholy, we did a little shopping, and came to the realization that our vacation was really coming to a close. We gathered our sopping wet belongings and sadly started to make our way out of the park.

Suddenly, we noticed a line-up of strollers outside a theater, and music and blinking lights beckoned us to see what was happening. Inside, was a DJ, playing music for the 10 or 12 families that had gathered here. The children danced, and even though we felt a little silly in our raincoats and wet sneakers, we decided to join them. We danced to the music with Addie, and I giggled as I watched Gregg "boogie on down" in his enormous blue rain poncho, his wardrobe staple for the weekend.

I was completely caught of guard when Mickey, Minnie, Pluto and Goofy showed up to dance with us. If you've ever been to Disneyworld, you know, that you usually have to wait in mighty long lines, or pay for a "Character Meal" just for a moment with any of these characters, especially Mickey. But here they were, dancing with our family. At one point,Minnie even grabbed me, and hugged me as if I were her long lost friend. And even though I know that it's all for pretend, my heart still skipped a beat when they walked into the room. (Of course, don't even get me started on the Goofy thing, because, I still find him strangely attractive).

I don't know if this was a scheduled dance party, which it probably was, or if it was put together as a consolation to the few families that stuck it out at the park, but it felt like a rainy day at camp. When it rains at camp, we put together alternate activities to keep the kids busy. I like to call them "back pocket activities". They may not be the most well planned, costly or high tech, but we keep the campers engaged. And sometimes those rainy days are the most memorable, the rules somehow change, our demeanor, a little more relaxed.

I felt like this activity, as simple as it was, was put there just to keep the Disney guests engaged. Just when I was feeling like the day was a disappointment, they pulled this wonderful moment out of their back pocket. And for all the "imagineering", all of the beauty, the piped in music, the "fast pass" events, the gardens, the animitronics, the hidden Mickey's, the choreography, the fireworks, the laser lights and the make-believe, this simple little moment, with a turntable, my family and some Disney friends peppered in, was the highlight of our trip.

We're back!

It was amazing quick and VERY rainy...but we had the greatest time...here are a few random pics so that my sister will stop pestering me.

This is Not an April Fool plus post script

In an act of pure whimsy, and fun, Gregg and I are taking our littlest daughter on a quickie Disney vacation this weekend. I just made all my reservations and I'm nearly as excited as she is going to be when she finds out.

We're leaving her big sister's home, since they have had a lot of attention showered upon them lately, and we are going to be able to focus completely on Addie.

We've been to Disney before, Gregg and I went on our honeymoon, and we've taken the girls there 3 times. The last time we were there Addie was not quite two years old, and her only memories are from photos and videos. Gregg wants her to experience Disney magic before she becomes old and cynical (it's inevitable!!!)

Anyway, my darling niece is going to "baby"sit for the big sisters and its going to be wonderful!!!

So...we want to surprise her with this trip...now I've got to figure out a great way to break the news to her!

POST SCRIPT:

Okay, this is what we're going to do...at dinner tonight we are going to present Addison with this certificate directly from "Mickey" himself!!!

Tee hee!!

Okay

Yay!