Loopy's Big Day

I had the most wonderful weekend. My youngest played soccer on Friday night, my middle attended two Bar Mitzvah's (her first as a 7th grader, but she's been to five already), and I packed up my oldest and her pal and drove to Secaucus on Saturday Morning to attend an event my sister had organized. The guests were all families in the process of adopting babies from China, which is an amazing, but very slow process. I got the best job of the day, which was entertaining the children, who needed to be kept busy, so their parents could gather information from the three speakers my sis had lined up. (My sister is incredible).

About three years ago, I taught myself face-painting, and kept busy for a while at childrens birthday parties and fundraisers turning boys in to Spiderman, and the like and making princesses out of little girls. I even registered as a "certified clown" in order to obtain insurance. (My clown name, LOOPY) I gave up doing it professionally, as I had a lot on my plate with my other business, camp responsibilities etc etc.

But I was so happy to dig out my facepaints and work with these gorgeous little faces yesterday. They were such beautiful little girls, that I hated even covering them up. But they love it so much, and I think their parents got a kick out of it, too.

It's such a fun thing to do, I'm considering going back to it again, to make a little extra $$. I just have so little confidence in my skills, that I feel guilty accepting money. That's ridiculous, I know, its just how I am.

It was a great change of pace, it was great to meet my sisters wonderful friends, Susan, Audrey, Jean, Chris and Ruth (and plenty of others). It was amazing to be around people who are expectant parents, in the very beginning of their journey. (Maybe one day, they'll REALLY understand my "Colic was Easier" theory. ) I was told I look like Melissa Gilbert, which I've heard before, but really don't see). I got to meet Jeff Gammage, a Philadelphia Inquirer writer, and the author of an amazing book, China Ghosts. (I recommend it highly, heartfelt and beautifully written, I couldn't put it down). I can't say I've ever gotten to shake hands with an author whose book I've read. (Wait, I take it back, I got to meet Jennifer Weiner, In Her Shoes, Good in Bed, etc. but this was still really cool).

I got to spend some nice quality time with my oldest daughter and her best pal. They are so cute together, they laugh at silly things, stay up late, listen to music, sing songs and go on the internet constantly. They were absolutely adorable.

So, thank you to my sister, for including me in your endeavors, being supportive of me, my children, my business and my diet. l for the wonderful opportunity and fun day. It was perfect.

Lost Dog

Today started out like any other. The kids dressed for school, quick breakfasts, bus pick-up and then I came home to get myself organized. Today, like all days, I spoke first to my mother. The dogs were barking like crazy in the background, and she suggested I open the door and "set them free". I then sat down to check my e-mail and update my Nutri-System weight journal (I've lost 7 lbs after 2 weeks!). The dogs, Roxy the terrier and Freddie the bichon, were, as usual, out on our screened in porch where they enjoy barking at squirrels and laying in the sunny spots.

The doorbell rang. It was Sheryl, my neighbor. "Do you have Roxy?" she asked.
"She's out back," I replied.
"The lady down the street just saw a little brown dog running through her yard"

I slammed the door in Sheryl's face, (which I didn't mean to do) and found no sign of Roxy on the porch. Evidence of her escape, a ripped screen.

Okay, now what? I'll never find her at this point. We live in the woods, right off a major highway. She's either in the woods, or she's roadkill. I call my husband. I grab my other dog. I call her name. I offer her a slice of bologna (her favorite). No Roxy. I take to my car and ease my way around the neighborhood, asking the trashmen, the joggers, the contractors, the walkers if they've seen her.

Oh, joy. I pull around to my neighbors house, and see her. She's in the driveway, and the moment she spots me, she takes off at lightning speed. She has now crossed the street, and in major woods. I'm not going in there. She appears and runs away three more times. One man spots her in his yard, but she took off to the right. She runs across the street, two cars stop and offer help. I can't get her. I call Gregg again. This time he says he's on his way home. But we can't get her.

I come home deflated, and frustrated. I call three animal shelters and make a LOST DOG sign.
I tell Wendi. She starts to cry. She has such a big heart. I'm more angry at the dog, and concerned about how the girls are going to react. I hope Gregg will help me deal with this announcement, I don't think I can do alone. I think to myself, well, this is going to be a life lesson about grief. Their first.

I go outside to post the sign on our community bulletin board. A little embarrassed that we still haven't put up a fence. After all, this is the 6th or 7th time the dog has gotten loose. But she's never been gone this long. Its been three hours.

I slowly drive around to the street behind our house, knowing that this is futile and fearing I might see her little body wounded or worse on the side of the road. I hear a faint bark, that is familiar. Is that her? It's so high pitched and upset, I worry that she is hurt. The bark gets louder and louder, and I pull into the nearest driveway. I've found her. She's barking like mad at a little black cat perched in a tree. She attempts to run several times, but she's far too interested in this black cat to run away and disappear. I call her three more times. She won't come to me and if I approach her, she'll run, I know it. So I call "Here, Kitty Kitty", and the cat makes it way over to me. The CAT. At this point Roxy is so distracted, that she slows down enough for me to grab her.

When we return, she walks directly to her familiar water bowl, and takes a nice long drink. She snuggles into her comfy pillow in the kitchen, and settles in for her nap. DOES SHE EVEN KNOW HOW LUCKY SHE IS??? DOES SHE EVEN KNOW SHE COULD HAVE BEEN HURT, PUT IN A SHELTER, OR KILLED??

Of course not, just like my kids, the comforts and familiarity of home is taken for granted. She had her adventure. She had her fun. And now she's home safe.

Thank goodness for happy endings.

My life.

Mom
Homework helper
Laundress
Limo Driver
Nurse
Dieter
Cook
Personal Shopper
Accountant
File Clerk
Tutor
Story Reader
Beautician
Daughter
Sister
Friend

Busy

New Person

As mothers, we naturally put our the needs of our family in front of our own personal needs. That's okay. The problem is when our family's "wants" come before our needs. For most of my motherhood years, I have put myself on the back-burner.

As a single girl, I watched my diet, enjoyed shopping and putting myself together. Had my nails done weekly, spent a lot of time at the hair salon. As a mother, I skip meals, go to the hairdresser only 3 or four times a year, and manicures have become a rarity. My diet has consisted of whatever I can grab fast enough, or overeating to compensate for skipping lunch or breakfast. I stress eat, too. When I get frustrated, or sad, or angry, or bored, the refrigerator door pops open and I eat to comfort my soul.

I look at pictures of my younger, thin self and wonder what happened? I don't feel that much different that I used to. Yet, looking at photos of my current self is so surprising. I'll see a jacket or pants in the store, and think, "that's huge", but, it fits me. My sister is doing so well on Nutri-System and was kind enough to give me her "fat" clothes. I was horrified when I discovered that they were all way too small for me.

The girls have had friends come over, and when they see my wedding portrait, they always comment on how nice I looked. Ashamed of what I've become, I always joke, "Yeah, see what 15 years and three kids can do to a person?"

The problem is, I stopped worrying about ME. I worry about my kids, my husband, my house, my business, the bills, the dogs, the groceries, the laundry. But I stopped making the care and keeping of me a priority.

ENOUGH.

I started Nutri-System 4 days ago. I'm happy to be doing something. I want to look in the mirror and recognize myself again. So, I'm trying to find time to MOVE, and drink my water and take care of myself.

So that's it. I can't wait to be an "after". I'm not brave enough to post my "before photo", so instead I'm posting my, "before before photo". I'd like to look like that again, albeit, slightly more wrinkly and gray, but its a good reminder that, that pretty girl is somewhere inside of me.

Hillarious

Stupidity ensues...These are my parents :)


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Building Blocks

As my oldest daughter's 14th birthday approaches, I have been looking through piles of old photos, taken when she was a baby. Looking at these pictures really reminds me of a very different time in my life. She cried constantly. She was absolutely miserable, and I was the most neurotic new mother imaginable. It was impossible to soothe this little person, who had her own agenda.

One morning, after a particularly difficult night, colicky fits and little sleep, I complained to my mother about how hard it was. My mother, who is so wise, comforted me. "I know these times seem interminable, but once it's over, you will look back and think, how quickly it flew."

She was so right, and really, her comment applies to everything. I was once a newlywed living in a small apartment with my life about to truly begin. Then, an expectant mom, feeling life in my tummy with expectations of a docile baby, and me, I'd be the most perfect and patient mother. A new mom next, sleep deprived and self-doubting. The years whizzed by, and now, I'm a graying, middle aged mom of teens and almost teens. My babies who once worshiped me, now are embarrassed by me (not that I don't give them good reason!). I look back on the days of young motherhood and think that those were the most innocent and sweet times of my life.

This is Gregg, Hayley and me on Hayley's 1st birthday.
I was a couple of months pregnant with Sydney.

When Hayley was about 2 years old, we had a little routine. We'd come home after our morning errand and lunch and we'd wind down for a nap. I'd change her diaper and we'd chat, and then she'd pick a book, no doubt one she'd read time and time again. If I left one word out, or skipped a page, she'd correct me instantly. We loved Harry the Hippo, and Big Bird, Good Night Moon and 101 Dalmatians. When I placed her in her crib, she'd suck her left thumb and with her right arm, she'd cover her eyes. I'd listen to her babble on the baby monitor until she fell asleep.

We did this every day, and one day, it dawned on me, she's not going to remember this. What was so routine, and such a major moment in our day, every day, was going to be completely forgotten. I found this so sad to consider. Me pouring my whole heart into caring for her, and she'd never know. She'd never remember those precious moment she and I shared. Not the kisses and the cuddles, not the repeated requests for a sip of water. She won't remember all of her crib-mates, the stuffed animals. Or that she'd wake up every afternoon to the smells of dinner cooking on the stove. And she won't remember the thrill of seeing her daddy coming home to play with her every night.

Then, I realized of course, that it was never about me. It's about her. I gave her love and guidance and care and attention and nurturing. I gave her the building blocks of her life. She is now a self-assured and spunky young lady. Smart, and musical. Original and daring, a little goofy (in a good way). She's always willing to try something new, adores her friends and her family.

So what, she doesn't remember those days where we were a twosome. It's okay, because those days are forever part of who she has become.
Hayley, today.

The Most Wonderful Day of the Year

It was the first day of school today, and it felt like it always does. The girls awake in the morning with nary a complaint. Their outfits have been painstakingly chosen days earlier. They're fully dressed before I've even emerged from the shower. The mirror gets even more action than usual today, and the beloved flat iron is put to good use. Once each hair is in place, a healthy breakfast is consumed, and a balanced lunch prepared for school. The requisite photograph is taken, (there's been one each year on this day) and we burst with pride as we watch them take their first step into a new year as they load the bus.


In about a week (or less!), I'll be pushing them out of bed fifteen minutes before the bus arrives, they'll be skipping breakfast, throwing hair up in ponytails as they run to catch the already arrived bus. They'll realize as they settle into their seats that they forgot their book bag.

But right now, the first day of the school year is so full of promise. Like the notebooks filled with empty pages, the year ahead has yet to be written, too. There will no doubt be late night sleepovers, new friendships, beloved teachers, pop quizzes, not to mention, this school year is the one where both of my older daughters will celebrate their Bat Mitzvah.

I always felt like the placement of the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashana) was more practical in our culture. Summer ends, we are rested and ready to tackle life once again. The school year is fresh as are our hopes and dreams for the coming year. The months go by too quickly, and no doubt, things won't always feel this fresh. By May, I'll be freaking out about packing for camp again. But right now is a time of year to be savored. And I naturally make some New Year's resolutions as I reflect on the near future. Maybe this year I'll finally get the closets organized. Maybe I'll finally find time to plant the daffodils, reconnect with long lost friends, take on a new responsibility. Maybe I'll actually stick to a diet. Maybe I'll catch up on the laundry. Maybe I'll start playing piano again or even join a gym. This year, I might just volunteer at my kids schools. Maybe we'll socialize more. Maybe I'll read a lot more books.

I can be sure of one thing. By this time next year we'll be talking about the college countdown. Hayley will be starting high school, and we'll be saying "just 4 more years before she's out of the house". I can't believe how old they all are now, but one day, I'll look back and think about these days and think about how little they were. Until then, I'll treasure every moment.

My Other Children

Each summer, I'm blessed to have a staff of talented artists who help make our art programming so successful. This summer was no exception. My group came from New Zealand, Australia, Ireland, England and Israel. They were not only talented, but beautiful as well. They came to camp knowing no one, and have made life-long friends with one another. I have a mom's pride when I think about their accomplishments, and am proud to post this video.

It was taken at a final rehearsal for a performance at our end of season banquet. I gave them very little direction other than, "Have Fun", which, as you'll see, they did.