On Gratitude and Miracles

A few days late, but this year, our season of gratitude is coinciding with the season of miracles...and this year, with my mother's difficult health situation.

We celebrated our "Thanksgivukkah" at The Country Club Diner on Cottman Avenue in Philadelphia.  We congregated there, because it was the closest restaurant to the hospital, where my mother lays, in Intensive Care, sedated and hooked up to a ventilator.

The food was fine, the company was wonderful, but we were not home.  I missed out on my yearly tradition of waking up early to get the bird in the oven - sitting down now and then to watch the Broadway performances at the  Macy's Parade.   As the day continues I putter around, and the aroma of our upcoming feast begins to waft through the air. The girls make their way down, and we watch the Dog Show, and somebody sneaks a taste of pumpkin pie, or mashed potato, or my (fantastic) home-made cranberry sauce....and this will undoubtedly anger me...My dad is the resident turkey carver, and he is sure to make a terrible mess slicing the turkey, but no one else wants to take the job from him, because, it is our tradition.  I prepare for days, we eat in minutes, and then all that is left is to clean up and collapse with exhaustion.  It is on days like this, that my house feels more like a home, and I feel satisfaction, to be filled with so much abundance, and so much to be grateful for.

Our dinner at the diner this year was quiet, subdued, and although I ate turkey with all the trimmings, I didn't feel abundance and appreciation.  I just felt  exhausted, and sad, and helpless.

But this is a season of Gratitude.  And over the past week, I have realized how much I have to be grateful for.   Small things that surprised me, and big things that humble me...all of these things are now filling my head, unless I write them down, they will keep spinning in my head....

So, here goes:

I am grateful for the staff at Jeanes Hospital.  Doctors and Nurses who don't just look at my mommy as a laboratory specimen, but as the vibrant, intelligent, wonderful mom that we need in our lives for many more years.  They treat her with dignity and respect; and show equal concern for the well being of my father as he resolutely waits by her bedside praying for her recovery.

I am grateful for the Hebrew students at Congregation Beth Shalom.  They made menorahs out of craft foam and felt; so we could "light" the menorah in her hospital room.   We add a candle each day, and I pray my mommy will be awake and breathing independently before the last candle is lit.

I am grateful that my mom had the foresight to purchase extra toothbrushes at the dollar store.  Certainly came in handy when I unexpectedly found myself sleeping in my old bedroom back on Church Rd.  (Even if they are Power Ranger toothbrushes with an approximate two day life span).

I am also grateful for my new found knowledge, that you really only need two outfits...and a washing machine...and I have learned that the world will not end if I go a day or two without mascara and eyeliner...and I am equally grateful that the doctors and nurses don't appear to be judging me.

I am grateful for my sense of humor...for the flexibility of our souls to navigate from a moment filled with grief and fear  to uproarious laughter in the next.  I know it's good to get those tears out, but it is equally okay to giggle now and then, too.

I am grateful for my Dad's positive attitude.  If you ask him how he is, he responds, "I'm fine...I'm a tough son-of -a-bitch," and boy, he sure is.  When I'm with him, I feel like I'm eight years old again, and he is my perfect, strong hero...reassuring me that we will all be okay.

I am grateful for my big sister, the more mature one...because I learned that we both have different gifts to offer in this situation...she takes action, she plans, she organizes; ..none of these things are my strong suit...and I have learned our personalities are a perfect balance....and I am especially grateful that even when I lose my temper now and then, she is quick to forgive me...because she understands that we stand in this uncharted territory together.

I am grateful for the other man in my life, my incredible husband.  I left him and my girls to be closer to both my parents.  He has taken on additional responsibilities without hesitation, and remains unwavering in his support for whatever I have to do...

For my wonderful boss, who gets it when I say, "I can't be anywhere but by my parent's side...", even during the busiest time of year.   I hope she knows that if the situation were reversed, I would be there for her in a heartbeat.  I thank her for her kindness and humanity.

For my children, who braved the sights of the ICU to see their beloved grandmom, to hold her hand, and to comfort her ; and to sit with my dad and help him pass the time by listening to his funny stories and pontifications.  They continue to amaze me every day...

I am grateful for my iPhone, even though it died on me for a day.  For with my iPhone, I can Google a medical term, look up a surgeon's credentials, text a friend, look at an old picture of my mom and even play a game or two of Candy Crush to pass the time.

I am grateful for Facebook, for the love and support I have received from far and wide is astounding.  Just a note reminding me how special my mom is, or that prayers are being sent our way is of great comfort...even during the worst moments.

I am grateful for prayer - for that is where I go when the moments are quiet...and I find that I mostly pray for strength...

I am grateful for hope - it's what gets me through the night.

I am mostly grateful for my mom...for being an incredible role model, a caring friend, an activist, a businesswoman, a devoted wife, mother and obsessive grandmother.  She placed us in  the center of her world, and I hope she knows how much I appreciate her love, her energy and her strength.

So in this season of Gratitude and Miracles, even though my Thanksgivakkuh feast was less than perfect, there is much to appreciate...and I truly haven't forgotten  (well, maybe for just a moment)...

Next step?  Patiently waiting for our Miracle.  And I will wait for as long as it takes...