Dear Wendi,
We got a chance to catch up with our former next-door neighbors last night. They lived in our neighborhood only a year and a half, and then they moved away. Though, I still haven't gotten over the loss (5 years later), it was wonderful that they stopped by with their beautiful daughter Victoria to spend time with us over the weekend.
Victoria is 9 (almost 10) years old and was adopted as a newborn from Vietnam. When I first met her family, she was a feisty and beautiful 3 year old princess, who Hayley and Sydney loved to dote upon. They loved and adored her as much as they loved her parents Terri and Tony. They spent hours playing at their house, baking cupcakes, doing art projects and fussing with Victoria. Addison was a nursing newborn at the time, so the support I received from the family was greatly appreciated.
When Terri and I first met, she showed me photos of her adoption of Victoria. She spent a month, by herself in Vietnam and Thailand, before she could bring the baby home. At the time, those photos were so interesting, but I couldn't even begin to fathom the angst, the heartache, and the long wait they had to adopt this precious baby. Now, that I am a future Aunt of an adopted baby, the whole story has come to life for me.
Last night, Terri retold us the details of her experience. They started their process in China and ended up in Vietnam. They received one referral, a 9 month old, who they were later told died of pneumonia. Then, just as Terri was ready to give up, the agency called. They had a brand new baby girl in need of a mommy and daddy. Of course, it had a happy ending, but what they endured to get to the ending was grueling.
My favorite part of her story, and I hope she doesn't mind me sharing it here (heck, it's not like I have a big readership anyway!), was the moment she received her baby. She was with a group, and 30 minutes after they arrived in the country, they were told to board a bus, because a couple of the babies were ready to be picked up. They specified who the babies belonged to, so Terri brought along her video camera to tape the arrival moments of those in her group.
The first baby came out, a pudgy 7 month old with wild hair, and they were blown away as they watched her meet her mommy and daddy. They waiting a little longer and then Terri saw a tiny newborn being brought out. As she wondered, "whose baby is that," they handed her over
to Terri, and said, "this is your baby". She was completely floored. Can you imagine??????
Fast forward 10 years, and here's Victoria. Hip-Hop dancer, hair down to her waist, and a smile that lights up the room. Years ago, when she lived here, Hayley and Sydney would dote upon her, as Addie would sit in my lap. Last night, it was Victoria, doting upon Addison, playing with make-up (thanks Wendi), messing up the basement and eating cookies together.
I still cannot really fathom what you are going through, but one day, your life will be wonderfully MUNDANE. And I mean that in a good way. You're concerns are going to be how you are going to get through homework, carpooling and schlepping, parent-teacher conferences, playdates and best friend squabbles.
Terri said she used to get so upset with the wait. And so frustrated. And her husband told her, the stress isn't going to change the wait. So just wait. (And wait and wait and wait) It will turn around. It will all be okay in the end. Wendi, be grateful for the wait. It has brought you new and wonderful friends, an opportunity for you to re-invent your career and time to readjust to who you are going to be. I know is sucks, but please know that in the end, this will all be but a memory.
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