Letting Go

We met with the cantor today, to review the torah portions, haftarah portions, blessings etc. The girls did so well, and after nearly a year of sweating and studying, one daughter is completely done, and one daughter is nearly done. Wow. They are so proud of themselves, you can literally see they are a lighter and less anxious than even a month ago. It is such a torturous process, what, with having to be serious and learn to read ancient text, attend hebrew school, shabbat (sabbath) services, do loving deeds and community service, not to mention go to middle school and once in a while (okay, more often than that) just be a girlie girl and hang with friends.

But here they are, on the other side of the mountain, and they just have to practice and perfect to be ready for their big day, just 32 days away.

As I watched them chant in the cantor's office, I kept my mouth shut. If they messed up, I could not make excuses for them, if they did well, I could take no credit. I was just an outside observer. And for the first time, it occurred to me that as they continue to grow, I'll become more of an observer and less of a contributer.

Up until now, I have had a certain amount of control in the decisions of their lives. Dance lessons, piano or gymnastics? Checking to make sure homework is completed, preparation for tests complete, where we shop, what they wear, what they eat, whether or not they attend hebrew, which movies they can watch, etc etc.

As they mature, I am learning I have to give up some of that control. They are at the point in their life, where they need to be responsible for many of their own choices. So often, I want to jump in and say No!...but I feel like they have to make their own mistakes, solve their own problems.

Yesterday, we met with Hayley's future guidance counselor, to make course selections for High School. (Yes, HIGH SCHOOL!). She had a lot of choices. Accelerated or honors courses, geometry or algebra, music theory or graphic design. I certainly gave my opinion, but in the end, she is building foundation for her own education and future. She has to have final say. (She chose honors spanish, honors algebra, accelerated biology, basic musicianship/guitar lessons) I had to let go. Nothing could be more heart wrenching. But I better get used to it.

We are not raising children, we are raising adults. To hover too much, to baby them too much, robs them of coping skills. I want them to be able to cope with whatever life throws at them.

I guess, whether or not I can cope with watching them grow up, is another story altogether.



P.S. Isn't it ironic, that when my sister adopts her baby girl, her focus will be on attachment. At the very same time, my focus will be letting go.