I guess I really am Done

This post is prefaced with apologies to my expectant parent readers, both adoptive and biological (not that there are any...but whatever). I post this not to offend, I just came to a realization that I wanted to share.

Yesterday, Syd came running home from picking up Addie at the Bus Stop. "Oh my G-d", she cried, "you're not going to believe this!!"

"What's the matter????" (of course, in my family, we always jump to the conclusion that something is wrong at a moment like this)

"Mrs. X is going to have a baby!!!" (The name has been changed to protect the pregnant)

(Now, this is the part where I should have been jumping for joy, spinning with glee. I should have had visions of booties and baby bottles dancing in my head. And all I could say was:)

"Why?"

Could I be more of a Bee-Yatch???? W0w. Of course, I'm happy for her, and her family. A BABY!! This will be her number three.

There used to be a day where I would hear the news of an impending arrival, and feel the teensiest bit jealous. I would long for the sweet innocence of new motherhood, diaper bags, A&D ointment, baby monitors, baby shampoo, baby poop, even a little fussy colic. That magical time in a mommy's life where you are (at least in one person's eyes) PERFECT. You sing like a bird, you are the prettiest mommy on the block and you don't even have bad breath.

Today, I just don't feel any of that longing. I'm happy for her. But it stops right there. No longing, no jealousy. Actually a little relieved to be done with that part of my life.

As a young woman, in the work force, my goal was simple. I wasn't looking to be the Vice-President of my department, I wanted to find the love of my life, get married, have babies and live happily ever after. I made career choices. I didn't work late every night. I usually left right on time. I made a conscious decision to focus on my personal life instead of my professional life. I didn't need career success.

My choices actually worked. At 25 I met my Gregg (the cutest boyfriend I ever had!). By 28 we were married (a fairy tale wedding). Hayley was born when I was 4 months shy of my 30th birthday. Baby number 2 came just 19 months later. This was right on schedule. (Just how I wanted it).

When baby number two was 5 years old I had a new choice. Was I ready to be done being a mother to babies? Was I ready to be a PTA mom? Could I go back into the work force now?? The answer, a resounding NO!! I was not done with diapers. I wanted more sippy cups and cheerios!

Baby number 3 came when I was 37. A perfect little girl. With a head full of hair and personality plus. (The picture on the right was taken hours after she was born, just as she was meeting her big sisters for the first time...this is my favorite picture in the world...I feel like I'm holding a bouquet of beautiful little girls) Motherhood this time was a little different. I wasn't the only mommy in the house any more. Baby number 3 had one mommy plus 2 junior mommy's to love and nurture her.

As she got older, I started to get back in my own groove. I discovered that I didn't want to ignore my artistic talents anymore. I discovered that I had value beyond (trying to be a) perfect mother.

And now the littlest one is about to be 7 years old. Really, truly, NOT a baby anymore. And I ask myself again, "am I really ready to stop being a mother to babies?" The answer this time is ABSOLUTELY!!!! I have lived that part of my life, and I am excited to discover this new chapter. I'll continue to have plenty of things to baby..my home, my family, my camp job, my business and maybe even myself. But a baby? A real human baby? I'm really done.

Considering I had my tubes tied 3 years ago, thats a pretty good thing!!!