Growing UP

We had the absolute pleasure this weekend to attend the Bar Mitzvah of our friends Sam and Lisa's son, Max. We were thrilled that the whole family (all 5 of us!) were included in the celebration. Max was superb, truly poised and handled his responsibities like a man.

When I was 13, I went to Bar and Bat Mitzvahs every weekend and I learned many things. I got to wear my first pair of high heels at 13, and I learned quickly that it's easier to walk on carpet than it is on bare floor. I started wearing pantyhose, and learned that runners can be stopped with a dab of clear nail polish. I had my first slow dance, and learned afterward, that the girl is supposed to put her hands on the boy's shoulders, and the boys hands go around the girl's waist. ( I really wished I had learned that one before.) I learned that I am not good at line dancing. I learned how to do the "bump". I learned that its easier to dance with your shoes off. I learned that as soon as the DJ played "Last Dance", by Donna Summer, that the party was over. The Bar Mitzvah is meant to be a rite of passage for the guest of honor, but looking back on that year, it was a rite of passage for all of us. It was then we began to navigate our way through teenage social lives, relationships and choices.

As I watched Lisa and Sam at their son's Bar Mitzvah this weekend, I looked at them a little differently. I've known them since we were young parents, schlepping our kids to preschool, toting younger siblings in our arms. I've watched Lisa go through her third pregnancy, and she lent me her bassinette when my youngest was born. We have been together at birthday parties, many New Years' Eves, 40th birthdays and school events.

But on this day, the day Max became a "man", I saw Lisa and Sam become somehow, more grown-up, too. Lisa, glowing, in her beautifully tailored suit, was a gracious, not to mention a graceful hostess. She smiled with joy during the whole ceremony, and spoke eloquently after Max read from the Torah. Sam, who is possibly the silliest person I've ever met, spoke as well. He spoke with humor and with heart, and we all felt a little misty as he made his speech.

They showed a video montage of Max's 13 years. Ski trips, and soccer games, vacations, school photos, friends and family. These snap shots of his life, just ordinary pictures, became a beautiful narrative of the family and life that Sam and Lisa have built.

The reception after the Bar Mitzvah service is meant to celebrate the 13 year old, but I realized on Saturday, that it celebrates so much more. It somehow cements this family unit. Fifteen or so years before, they celebrated their wedding. A party, no doubt, thrown by their parents. Sure, they were "adults" on that day. But now, they have officially "grown up." They have built a life for three beautiful sons, they have touched souls with their friendship and generosity. They have, as a unit, made a difference in our community. I'm so grateful that we had the chance to share this moment in their lives.