Colic was Easier

Remembering Dr. Schuster....

2011-08-08T22:20:00.001-04:00

(This is a note I signed in a memorial guestbook for Dr. Schuster, my favorite college professor)

In 1982, I was a college freshman, at Penn State, in Abington. I didn’t exactly set the world on fire in high school, and I came to college determined to turn around my questionable reputation as a student. My first day, I showed up in Dr. Schuster’s class. He was charming, charismatic and energetic. Our first assignment: a descriptive essay. I summoned up as many vocabulary words I remembered from high school, and painstakingly wrote a five-page essay, describing a day in my life. To my horror, he refused to grade the paper, and returned it to me with a note simply stating, “This isn’t what I asked for. You need to re-do this”.

Back to the drawing board.

I wrote the next essay, instead, from my heart. Nearly effortlessly, I wrote a descriptive essay about my dad. With my words, I painted a clear picture of my father. As I submitted my assignment, I held my breath, hoping that, this time, I’d gotten a little closer to what Dr. Schuster wanted.

Apparently I had. I got an A.

This was the first in a long line of A’s I would receive for that class. And with each assignment, I not only received the requisite grade, but also a commentary from him…explaining to me exactly what he loved about my writing.

I treasured those papers I’d written for him almost as much as I treasured his comments. They encouraged me, they challenged me but most of all they validated me.

Several years later, I ran into him. I was in my early 20’s, and just trying to figure out my life’s direction. As I told him my plans, he shook his head with disdain.

“I don’t care what you think you are. You are a writer.”

In my whole academic career, I had never been given a gift as great as what he gave me in that moment. Here was someone I respected deeply, and he believed in me!

I would love to conclude this note by telling you that I took his advice and became a successful author, or journalist…but, well…I didn’t. But I never forgot his words. And in a very big way, he encouraged me to trust my own artistic vision, to express myself and to create from the heart.

I am lucky, that in my life, I had one teacher who really made a difference. And for me, that teacher was Ed Schuster. I am just sorry that I never got the chance to tell him that myself.

My thoughts and prayers are with your family at this time, may his memory be a blessing.

Working Mommy

2010-03-30T16:00:00.002-04:00

Yes, it's been 8 months or so since I last posted on this blog. Facebook and Twitter have proven to be an easier and more direct way to communicate. But really, who I am blogging for? An anonymous audience, my dear friends or for myself. Really, it's for myself. So, maybe I blog every day, more likely I blog once in a blue moon. But today I felt like writing. I needed to write. I'm not sure what I'll come up with, but that's okay too...

Well, I have have become a working mommy. Ever so much out of focus, and not capable of holding just one simple job...I have collected 4 part time jobs, that are keeping me super busy...and the most important job, 'mommy' blessedly remains.

Job #1 : Camp - Art Lady - Two Months a year of 24 hour a day intensity. Ten Months of preparation.
Job #2 : Pottery Lady - I actually got HIRED to work in a "Paint your own Pottery" studio. AND I LOVE IT...it's kind of like being the Camp Art Lady all year round.
Job #3: Digital Video Editor/Producer - sound crazy, right? Not really. Together with my co-movie producer from camp, we are embarking on a new venture. We make Bar/Bat Mitzvah Montages, Video Biographies and Video Portraits...we have a really exciting and challenging project already contracted for, and we are hoping that this little venture turns into a very big venture.
Job #4: Jewelry Designer - So, funny story...last November, a friend who is involved with my school's PTA asked if I wouldn't mind putting together a little something for a craft show they were holding at the elementary school. "Sure, whatevs" I replied. I made these cutesy little necklaces (and frankly sold them at rock bottom prices) and sold a veritable TON. (In fact, I think the other crafters were a little annoyed that day, because I was the only one that sold anything!) They were so well received, I started receiving phone calls from people wanting to buy more! I am now selling them at two local retail venues, I have another order to custom design another 150 necklaces for a fund raiser, and it feels like it's getting bigger than I could have possibly imagined. Fingers crossed.

So 5 days a week, I am officially working. I get home at night, and like any good working mom, I get dinner on the table, and prep for the next day to do it all over again. I'm working, working hard, but it's so much fun to be doing something other than laundry and grocery shopping, that it almost feels like I'm playing. I'm sure this will wear off. But I'm enjoying it for now!

So this is the hard part. I finally get "MOMMY GUILT". My girls are missing me. My husband is missing me. I'm not there after school, with a snack or a few word of encouragement. The laundry pile got EVEN bigger. It's hard to keep up with the housework.

Having two full fledged teenagers now, has made life even more mentally taxing. It has gotten so hard, that I almost laugh at my angst about raising a 13 year old.

This is hardly a well written post. This is hardly a meaningful post.

I'm living a chaotic life right now, and this post is pretty reflective of the tone of my current state.

The End.!

Home Sweet Home?

2009-08-21T23:32:00.003-04:00

When my oldest daughter was born, I was a young insurance underwriter, not particularly enjoying my job. But I was making good money and had good benefits. We'd just purchased our first house and had a big mortgage payment hovering above.

There was no question that I would need to go back to work within three months after her birth. No problem, right? Everybody does it, this is the world we live in.

She was a fussy baby. Yes, colicky...to the extreme. She was an extraordinarily beautiful baby, with a head full of dark hair and fine delicate features, but boy, was she loud. No one could comfort her like me. No one could love her like me.

As I nursed her (it seemed constant), I would look down at her little face and try to figure out how I could possibly leave her. How could I place her in day care? How will anyone else know how to soothe her? She was so fussy, how would anyone have more patience for her than me?

I would compare the expense of GOING to work (work clothes, commuting, the cost of daycare, the cost of lunches everyday) versus the loss of my salary.

It was clear, I couldn't give up my income.

But I did. I had to. Because for the first time in my life, I had a responsibility that I LOVED. I couldn't leave that to go back to something that I despised.

So I left. Money was tight. But I was where I needed to be.

And I became a Stay at Home Mom.

And I still am. It's been 16 years.

But every summer, for 7 years, I become a working mom for 8 weeks. And during that time, I get to do something that I really love. Really enjoy. Really treasure.

I'm listened to. I'm respected. I'm able to help. I'm able to teach, to create, to collaborate. I make decisions, I set a good example. I'm shown appreciation.

That feels good.

And then I come home.

They don't listen so much around here. (Pick up that towel...pick up that towel...PICK UP THAT TOWEL!!!)
They don't show a whole lot of respect. ("Mom, could you not wear your hair like that, it EMBARRASSES ME")

I'm a chauffeur, cook, laundress, maid, psychologist, nurse, entertainment director, censor and most often, a referee. And I'm not shown appreciation.

I think it's time to go back to work.

I need to put myself in a position where I can take on new challenges, learn new things and find appreciation.

So I'm placing this out into the universe, I'M READY TO BE A WORKING MOMMY!

I think....no, I know. I'm ready.

Job? Where are you?

Proud

2009-08-18T10:24:00.003-04:00

Each summer, I get to take on new challenges, and this summer was no exception. My job, has morphed from simply teaching Arts and Crafts into greater responsibilities including costuming our camp play, special events programming and this.

Three years ago, on a whim, I decided to create a little movie for our end of season banquet. Traditionally, at camp, we celebrated the end of the summer with a "themed" dinner party complete with decorations, centerpieces and even tablecloths (a big deal in camp world!) Anyone who knows me well, knows I love to throw a party, and love good surprises even more.

The theme 3 years ago was a Fifties Soda Shop. "And let's make a movie, too," I thought. Before I knew it, I recast the iconic movie Grease starring members of our camp upper staff. We whipped up some costumes, created a script and somehow, my colleagues were ready and eager to participate. Blessedly, my "Danny Zuko" was so excited by the endeavor, he dove in and took over editing responsibilities. And so, our little production company was born.

Somehow, I'm not sure how, in four days in 2007, we produced a movie that thrilled, surprised and enthralled our campers. This summer banquet has changed from being an exclamation point at the end of our summer, to a favorite and beloved event for our campers and staff.

The theme we chose this summer was also reflective of a special era in our history. The Eighties. Amazing that a time that is so fresh in my mind has now become nostalgia. Defining the '80's of course, is MTV, the inspiration for our video.

For a creative person, there is nothing cooler than taking an idea and turning it into reality. I'm so proud of this endeavor and am so glad to share it with you today!

Camp Saginaw Banquet 2009 from Jason Darnell on Vimeo.

Spackle

2009-08-12T07:19:00.006-04:00

It's the last day of camp today. The children leave this morning, and the staff leaves early tomorrow. Today's a day for shutting down, packing up and saying goodbye. It's really hard.

Getting to spend every summer in paradise is a good thing. For two months, I don't have to cook, clean up after others, or fold mountains of laundry. For two months, I'm given a kind of respect among my friends, my colleagues and my staff, that I don't necessarily receive anywhere else. For two months, I live in a place where it's totally acceptable to dance in the dining hall, to scoot around in crappy clothes and no make-up, to go out to a bar at 9:00 at night (my normal bedtime!), to giggle incessantly. I watch my children have the time of their lives, learning new skills and making lifelong memories. They're happy. I'm happy.

And now it's time to leave.

How can I?

I really have to recognize that it's the transition that's the hard part. Nine weeks ago, preparing to get here, was an arduous task. Labeling, packing, shopping. Nine weeks ago, I looked around my comfortable home, my quiet neighborhood, the simplicity of my life, and didn't want to give it up.

Nine weeks later, I feel the same way about the journey I'm about to make. A little unsure, a little sad. The task ahead is daunting, but I'll do it. Ten months from now, when it's time to pack up our life again, I'm sure to feel the same uncertainty. Then I get here, and never want to leave.

In the end, I have to be grateful to camp. It helps to define who I am. It fills a certain void in my normal life, a little like spackling the crevices and cracks in an old tired wall. And even though it's only for a precious few weeks, I wouldn't be the same without it.

emptiness

2009-06-30T22:05:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, we watched my sister-in-law bury her son. He was 16 years old. He was healthy and active and living his life to the fullest, when it was taken in an instant. Perhaps a momentary lapse of judgment or perhaps the hand of God coming down and plucking a special person from this world. Whatever the reason, he's gone now. The shock of the news still stings, but being at the funeral was probably the most unbearable experience I've ever had.

I worry most for his mother. One of the most nurturing people I've ever known. He was her youngest. Her baby. Only 2 1/2 pounds at birth, he fought then, and he survived. With a preemie, I think you always worry, particularly when they're little. Somehow, they're more fragile than full term babies. But Evan grew and grew and grew...amazingly, since when he was a little boy he ate little more than orange juice and pepperoni. At the time of his passing, he was looked to be at least 6 feet tall.

My heart is saddened for all the reasons one would expect. He was too young. It shouldn't have been his time. No parent should have to feel what my sister-in-law is feeling today.

My heart weeps for a reason I wouldn't have expected. I weep for the relationship we never really had. In listening to stories about him, relayed by his friends at the funeral, all I kept thinking was, I never really knew this about him. He was so much more than the quiet boy, who showed me a shy smile when I would touch his face to tell him how "grown-up" he was becoming. I weep for the loss of my daughters' cousin. I was so happy that Evan and Hayley were born just 6 months apart...but they were both kind of shy, so as they grew up, they became less and less connected. And over the years, the opportunities to spend time together waned.

His friends were understandably devastated by his loss. As the funeral, they were inconsolable. It was heartbreaking.

Hayley told me as we were leaving the cemetery, that she felt saddened that she hadn't had the chance to know him better. But then, she thought, this would have been so much harder for her to cope with if she had.

There are no reasons that make sense for any of this. There are no words that can make this better. I weep for my family. My sister-in-law. My nieces. My mother-in-law. My husband.

After leaving the funeral, you return to the land of the "living". For me, the daily routine, responsibilities, and friendships help to extinguish the heartbreak. But for his mom, oh my...I pray that she can find small joys as she begins her difficult journey towards healing.

Fork in the Road

2009-05-22T09:24:00.004-04:00

My girls are on the cusp of the time in their lives where they'll start making real life-changing decisions. Experience has taught me plenty, not the least of which is the fact that my girls (sadly) aren't interested in learning from my experiences. When my own mother gives advice to me, there are times when I think, "I'm going to do this my way." But in the end, my mother is usually right. I guess there are just some lessons that we choose learn on our own.

But...if they would really listen, ....here's a bit of what I'd say.

1. Never act on a knee-jerk reaction. When something is a little unsettling, let it marinate for a little bit, before deciding how to proceed.
2. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Nobody sets out to be a bad person.
3. The person with most power in any relationship is the one with the least interest in that relationship.
4. Stick to your studies, you can watch TV or surf the internet later.
5. Don't get a tattoo. It might be really cute on a young wrinkle free body, but it will only look stupid when you are my age. Plus, it will embarrass your children.
6. A belly button ring is actually not that bad. As long as your tummy is flat as a board.
7. Push yourself to do for others. It's easier to sit back, and remain self-absorbed, but in the end, you will end up isolated and lonely.
8. Don't lose your virginity. Ever. Okay, maybe that's a little harsh. But when you do, make sure you are not drunk, you are deeply in love and at least 34 years old. ;)
9. But seriously, don't get married at least until you are in your late twenties. You have plenty of years to be a grown up, enjoy your youth, travel, stay up all night, eat cereal for dinner.
10. Don't get caught up in the romantic notion that having a baby is easy. It's not all lullabies and baby powder. It's hard work, and nothing can prepare you for the shock of a screaming hungry baby at 3:30 in the morning.
11. Pay your bills on time.
12. Don't ever think that material possessions will make you happy.
13. Never forget to remind yourself of your blessings.
14. Don't put yourself down, people can only intimidate you if you allow them to.
15. Put your goal's ahead of immediate gratification.
16. Take chances, color outside the lines, surprise yourself.

There are so many more little pearls of wisdom I could share, but duty (okay, really big laundry pile) calls.

In the end, I would tell my kids, this:

You don't ALWAYS have to listen to your mother. I may have my opinions, my wishes, my hopes for you, but in the end, this is your life. Make your own choices, but remember to value your mother's voice of experience. She's usually right.

AM I a good Mom?

2009-05-07T09:42:00.006-04:00

The night before last, we went out for a family dinner. We were celebrating an important anniversary, 20 years (!) since my husband and I met. Usually, people celebrate wedding anniversaries and birthdays, but, that night, 20 years ago, was so magical, it will always hold a special place in my memory bank. (For a full description, you can see my post from last year!)

My husband, (sweetheart that he is) lifted his glass of ice water to make a toast. "To my wonderful wife and the best mom in the world". We clinked glasses, and I felt, both flattered and embarrassed. Surely I'm not the best mom in the world, but would I even qualify as a "good" mom?

I hate homework (they should be able to do it themselves) , I don't make lunches (I send in some lunch money), I don't make their beds. I never remember to pick up toilet paper at the supermarket. I haven't attended a PTA meeting in years. I RSVP'd for Addie to attend a birthday party on Sunday, then completely forgot to take her. I don't feel particularly mature, or particularly together. The laundry never gets finished. There are weeds to pull, that I never get to. I don't like playing catch outside, I'm bad at pretend. I've missed a few soccer games, here and there. I always forget to fill out permission slips.

I have the makings of a HORRIBLE MOM!!!

Okay, here's the part where I make myself feel better.

NOBODY is a perfect mom. We all have our gifts, we all have our weaknesses. And though my list of weaknesses is a mile long, at least I know where my strengths lie.

We sit down for a family dinner most every night. We turn off the TV, cell phones and computers for that brief 45 minutes.

My husband and I proudly show our affection for each other, and I believe we've shown the girls that a loving relationship is based on mutual respect and trust, and genuine friendship.

My daughter's confide in me. (Sometimes more than I'd like them too!) But they trust me enough to tell me stuff that I could never have shared with my own mother (who, by the way, is the ultimate great mom).

My daughter's treat other's with respect. They always remember to say please and thank you.

I've demonstrated to my daughters the importance of family, not just our little nuclear family, but our extended family, as well.

Of course we all love each other, but we actually LIKE each other as well.

We know how to laugh at ourselves, and find humor in just about anything.

The stuff I'm good at, isn't necessarily the day to day organizational side of parenthood. That part doesn't come very naturally to me. It is the intangibles that are my strength. Whether that's better for my children in the long run, I don't know. But when you get down to it, we're all just trying to do our best.

I'm sure my mother made mistakes, but I never once questioned her love for me. And, in the end, I'm hoping that my daughters will be able to say the same thing about me.

Happy Mother's Day

When I say Colic was Easier, I MEAN IT!

2009-04-05T20:29:00.002-04:00

The subject of teen drinking has been an ongoing conversation in our house for the past few months. It's completely rampant. It's completely available. And it's completely frightening.

We have rules. When invited to a party, there must be a parent there.
We encourage good choices.
We remind them about peer pressure, and how not to succumb.
We tell them horror stories, about drunk driving accidents, alcohol poisoning, vomiting, acting stupid.

We are fighting an uphill battle. There will always be kids who's parents aren't as vigilant as we try to be. There will always be kids who want to bring your kid down to their level. There will always be parties, where, though supervised, booze makes it way into the front door.

I want my daughters to have fun with their friends. I want them to make good choices.

If we are made aware of a dangerous situation, we act upon it.

Last night, we were made aware of the fact that our daughter was at a party, with no parent at home. In charge was the 18 year old brother of the boy that invited her.

I can easily make the assumption that if no parents are about, there will be alcohol.

We picked her up and brought her home.

If you are 15 years old, this is about as embarrassing as can be. I recognize this. I actually feel bad about this. But I'm not going to take any chances when I'm made aware of a situation.

I'm constantly reminded by her, that the other kids' parents don't care like we do. (As if this is a bad thing)...I can't believe that. I can't believe that other parents would turn the other cheek if they were made aware of the situation, as we were last night.

Do I expect her to make it through her high school years without being exposed to temptation like drugs and alcohol? Of course not. I can't make it go away,(oh how I wish I could!); but I can't condone it either.

Aaarggh!

This is so much harder than I thought it would be!!!!!!!!

Where Have I Been?

2009-03-26T08:51:00.003-04:00

I must admit, there are several reasons why I'm not blogging with the gusto that I used to. It makes me really sad, actually, because my blog served as not only a journal of my life, but a true creative outlet for my writing.

When I first started blogging, my daughters were just entering their teen years, on the cusp, if you will. And as they say, the older your children get, the bigger the problems become.

My girls are really pretty good kids. I'm sure my challenges are shared by many other moms and dads in the world. Writing has always been therapeutic for me. I seem to be able to make sense out of my jumbled mind when I see my thoughts written in black and white. But I want to respect their privacy. Writing here doesn't certainly doesn't give them that respect.

I have considered making this blog private, but I still wouldn't feel comfortable sharing certain aspects of our life.

So I've been skirting around the issue. I can post without "naming names" or giving painful details. I just can't post as often.

But I don't want to give up on my blog. I'm actually very proud of it.

So that's where I've been...

25 Randoms

2009-01-28T14:39:00.002-05:00

If you are a Facebooker, you must have seen these people writing these lists. Anyway, I got tagged...so filled it out as well, and am publishing it here in an effort to keep Colic alive....

Most people I know would describe me as outgoing, I’m actually pretty shy.
The hardest part about raising teenagers has been in letting go, and letting them make decisions on their own. As taxing as the toddler and preschool years were, I miss the sweetness and innocence of that chapter of my life.
The most profound moment in my life was giving birth to my first child. I just couldn’t believe I made a little person.
If you call me and leave a message, there is a 60% chance I won’t return your call. It’s not that I don’t mean to, it’s just that I get distracted pretty easily, and before you know it…whoops, I forgot to call you back. Please know this now, and accept my apologies in advance.
I tend to keep friendships at arms length. I’ve developed this as a defense mechanism over the years. I know a lot of people, but very few are part of my inner circle.
I’ve written a blog for almost 2 years. I’m actually really proud of some of my essays.
I played the trumpet and piano as a kid. As an adult, I took piano lessons for a year. I loved it so much, but had to stop with the lessons, because it was too hard to tear myself away from playing which was a total joy…but more important stuff wasn’t getting done…laundry, cooking, etc. I hope to take it up again when we’re empty nesters.
I love Facebook, I love to have a link with people who I’d otherwise never have the opportunity to see.
I’ve been in love only once. It’s been twenty years. And I still can’t get over the fact that he loves me back.
I didn’t cry on my wedding day, when my babies were born or at the girls’ Bat Mitzvah, but I wept like a baby when I saw the video of my sister meeting her daughter in Taiwan for the very first time.
I don’t know what I would do without my sister.
My greatest regret is dropping out of college. My greatest fear is that I have set a bad example for my daughters.
I really love the Goon-N-Plenty, the Keurig and the Swirl, Tap and Buff.
I work at an overnight camp in the summer. I run the art program. I am so grateful for this job and for the experience. I love to nurture my creative spirit, I love to find new challenges. It is because of this job, that I have gained enough confidence in myself to embark on my graphic design studies.
I still call my parents Mommy and Daddy. And I will not apologize for this.
I talk to my parents and my sister at least once a day, but usually many more times than that.
I don’t understand how I got to be 45 years old. That’s ridiculous.
I love our new president; I don’t ever remember having the opportunity to witness GREATNESS. I’m so glad my kids are old enough to recognize that we are living through an enormously historic time. Plus, I can’t stop thinking about what it must be like for Sasha and Malia to live in the White House.
I’m afraid if I don’t say goodbye, I won’t ever see you again. So I always say goodbye.
I don’t really care about having fancy things. I wish I did sometimes, but I just don’t care.
I had a nose job when I was 18 years old. I woke up in the middle of the operation and heard them sawing away. I don’t think I could ever have plastic surgery again. (Not that there aren’t plenty of areas for improvement!)
When my husband comes home from work, I still get butterflies.
I see different tiny piece of myself in each of my daughters, but mostly I can’t believe how different and unique they are, not only from me, but from each other as well.
We wanted to give our daughters the best that we could offer, and I’m grateful that we can, but I worry, that one day, they will not have developed the coping skills one can gain from living through difficult times.
I am truly grateful, I feel like I’ve been blessed with a magnificent husband, amazing kids, adoring family and loyal friends. And I still don’t know what I did to deserve such good fortune.

Feeling Really Awful

2009-01-27T16:51:00.002-05:00

I just hung up the phone with an old friend. The kind of friend who's seen me at my worst, my best and my in between. She's frustrated with me. With good reason. I haven't been the most loyal friend for the past couple of years. It wasn't that anything precipitated my behavior. She was never mean, did nothing wrong...life just continues. I suck at returning phone calls. I suck at making plans. I suck at keeping in touch. Part of me is kind of shy...silly, I know, but I sometimes feel awkward calling people just to say hi. Part of me is really kind of introspective. I keep everything to myself, and don't really reach out. I don't like to burden. Part of me is just a loner. I am kind of a homebody, a bit of a hermit. I don't know how this happened to me, it's just kind of did. But my treatment of her, and other good, old friends...not really acceptable.

I know if I continue along this path, I'll find myself, with no friends.

I don't know why I felt the need to write this in here. I'm feeling really raw, really emotional at the moment, and maybe just needed to put it out there. Like if it's in black and white, I can't deny my poor behavior anymore, I have to acknowledge it, and try to correct it.

If you are one of my good friends, thank you for your patience with probably my worst flaw. I appreciate you, and am grateful for you.

Oh Facebook, How I Love Thee....

2009-01-25T12:33:00.007-05:00

As I sit here at home, in bed for the 4th day of a lousy sinus/ear infection thingy, I've finally had the chance to think about my lonesome lil' blog....forgive grammar and spelling mistakes, I'm slightly delirious...

I have been a Facebook member for quite a while. I joined sort of as a gag when one summer. my staff members were spending all their "off" time checking their Facebook pages. I didn't understand what it was. So I joined, in hopes of figuring out what the fuss was all about. Suffice to say, I still didn't really get it. It just wasn't really that compelling.

But then, circumstances changed. I started to notice that more "grown-up" people were joining in on the craze. I was able to locate 25 or so members of my high school graduating class. I don't think I actually "friended" them, but, it was cool to see that these folks were still out there, living their lives.

One day, I heard the news of a death of one of my classmates. He wasn't in my inner circle of friends, but I remembered him fondly, we were in some plays together, sang in choir together. He was just a really nice kid. And I never thought of him, without thinking about his Best Friend. They were "partners in crime" so to speak. And I felt the need to express my condolences somehow to his friend who'd I'd long since lost touch with.

I found that old friend on Facebook, was able to write him a note, and we eventually "friended" each other. Since then, many more old friends and acquaintances have resurfaced on Facebook, and amazingly I find myself reconnecting with people with whom I'd otherwise probably never have occasion to see again. It's really something.

My Facebook connections have taken me on a backwards journey of my life. It started with my more recent friends, recent camp connections, kids friend, etc. Then old camp connections, old dates, and college friends came out of the woodwork. High School Friends reappeared and just recently, an old friend from the neighborhood, who I'd known since kindergarten but hadn't seen since I was 14 years old reconnected with me. I've even "friended' my 5th grade teacher!!

And each time I find one of these "new" old friends, I go on a little ride right back to the past. I remember things that have long since been filed away in a deep corner of my mind. I remember funny things, (huck-a-poo shirts, boy/girl parties, camp hi-jinx), embarrassing things (none that I'll recount here), and the saddest things I've ever had to think about (the death of a little boy in my neighborhood).

I find some of the same ancient, useless emotions crop up when I see photos of some of the old gang...how I never really felt like I fit in, how certain girls still remind me of my inadequacies, make me feel "not good enough". How certain people still instill a sense of warmth and kindness in their being.

In the end, we all have a need to be part of a community. Whether it's our bloggy friends, our kid's friends parents, co-workers, family members or neighbors. It's cool, that in this new age, we have one more way to be a part of something. And while some might think Facebook is kind of silly, and a bit of a time sucker (which it can be), it's just a really nice way to reconnect, and be a member of a community.

bad blogger. bad blogger

2008-11-28T12:52:00.003-05:00

i know, i know. i'm a worthless, bad blogger. why? here's a few reasons.

not really in the mood
a little addicted to facebook
VERY busy with my studies.
did i mention i'm studying graphic design?
"distance" learner, that's me.
tired
hayley
sydney
addie
roxy
freddie
gregg
preparations for thanksgiving
preparations for halloween
preparations for yom kippur
the election
cnn
msnbc
barack obama how i love him
sarah palin, how i love to find reasons to dislike her
sarah palin fake baby stories
www.cajunboyinthecity.com
cha cha'ing
(actually not so much, it's a pretty tedious job!)
True Blood
The Twilight Saga
helping addie with her homework
folding laundry
often
my pledge to cook more often instead of going out to eat
being a soccer mommy
playing with my addie

and last but not least...

Wendi met her Lia..I'm an Aunt!!!! xoxoxo

UPDATE!

2008-09-04T21:43:00.000-04:00

I just got approval! I'm a CHACHA guide!

Me, a ChaCha Guide?

2008-08-25T14:52:00.007-04:00

For a footnote of this post...please see the bottom!

Well, now that I'm home, I'm giving a lot of thought to finding ways to enrich myself, and earn some money in the process. Last week, I thought I found one little solution to my little puzzle.

I was listening to National Public Radio (doesn't that make me sound "high-brow"), and heard a story about "ChaCha", and information service that applies the human touch to our insatiable quest for information. Perhaps you are in a situation where you cannot access the internet, but you have a burning question. How long is an elephant pregnant? Who won the 1991 World Series? What does the word "Blog" mean?

The answer is ChaCha. You simply text your question to: 242242 and within minutes, a human being reviews your question and supplies you with an accurate, and sometimes cheeky answer.

Cool, right?

The service is free. Super cool.

Wait, it gets better. They always need ChaCha "Guides". This is the human being that will obtain your answer for you. Natural curiosity, good writing skills, and an ability to troll the internet seem to be the main job qualifications. THIS is the job for me!!!

So, I filled out a simple application, and within 24 hours, I received a welcome e-mail, with directions to take a simple three part test that will cement my newfound ChaCha Information Gatherer status.

Yippee!
Part one: Answer 15 mulitple choice questions about the history of ChaCha. I was perfect! I'm pretty sure.

Part two: Typing. Okay, not my strongest, but I feel I was certainly adequate. I proofread my work, and not a single error.

Part three: General Knowledge. I was doing okay. There were fifteen questions. A couple of questions were challenging, such as:

If a customer asked this question: How do I get from EWR to Philly, how would you answer?
A. Give directions for Newark to Philadelphia
B. Ask for more specific information
C. Give street by street directions
D. I don't remember what the other one was.

Okay, I don't remember how I answered this for sure, but I think I said "A", but honestly, I wasn't sure what company policy was regarding more specific information.

So I click "NEXT" to go to the next page of questions. And it didn't load. I waited. And waited. and waited. So. Hmmm. I clicked NEXT again.

OOOPS.

The next thing I know, I'm directed to a page that says, your application has been rejected. And, "don't call us, we'll call you".Dang, I didn't get to answer a whole page of questions.

So...I figured, I'll just start from the beginning. I log in once more, and this message comes up:
"Your account has been suspended".

Ouch.

So I'm a Cha Cha reject. I wrote them a quick e-mail, but I guess they are really not interested. Can you believe that? Don't they know who they've turned down?

Oh well. Maybe the twenty cents per answer salary was beneath me anyhow.

Back to the ol' drawing board!

GUESS WHAT! I JUST GOT ANOTHER CHACHA E-MAIL! THEY WANT ME TO APPLY TO BE AN "EXPEDITER". I'M NOT SURE IF THIS IS BETTER THAN A GUIDE OR BELOW A GUIDE, BUT THEY WANT ME TO TRY SOMETHING ELSE. HOW ABOUT THAT???

I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED!

Happy Birthday Daddy

2008-08-16T08:37:00.003-04:00

I hope Daddy doesn't mind that I'm posting this, but it really touched me. My dad turned 80 on Thursday, and on the eve of his birthday, he sent this e-mail to his family.

He is an extraordinary man, loving, loyal, kind. Heart on his sleeve. Generous. Artistic. Sensitive. A little prickly on the outside, but mushy on the inside.

He is teaching me to savor every moment.

Happy Birthday Daddy. I love you!

I am sitting here unable to sleep It's 2:am and Thinking August 14th 1928 my birthday eighty years old, eighty years old and saying what most eighty year olds say "where the hell did all the years go" Thinking back I could still remember when Roosevelt got elected president Before that remember the day our family moved out of 2443 north Napa street in Philadelphia( parents lost our home during the Great Depression) and sitting in on the floor in the living room as the movers were taking out the furniture and our carpet were rolled up waiting to be put on the moving truck. I think I even remember lying in a little bassinet in our kitchen The woodwork in the kitchen was a pale green I might have been a year or a year and half old That is really looking back almost eighty years ago

I am sitting in front of the computer(it is now 2:30am) and in a little way feeling regretful about some of the things I could have done different But the best thing that happened to me is Joyce My wife My Poor suffering

wife Her family All My girls,Gregg & Joe

To my family to all of my family I love all of you

To my wife My poor suffering wife You are my life and my love, I Love you

Thank you for giving me a wonderful loving family

Aaron

What I did THIS summer. 2008 Edition

2008-08-15T12:04:00.003-04:00

I'm home! I'm home! I'm home! How I love to cook, and do laundry, and pick up after people. Wow, how great it is not to have to work. Tee hee.

Any-whooooo....I quickly wanted to share our 2008 Video production that I worked on with my friend and supervisor, Jason (aka My Camp Husband)...we worked very hard, he is genius, and I'm so proud of the final product.

Enjoy! (It had to be broken down in two parts, so please scroll down after seeing part 1 to see the conclusion)

R and R and Counting

2008-08-05T14:39:00.002-04:00

I'm home for my second set of "off" days. It has been an extraordinarily busy yet extremely exhilarating summer. We are currently working on our end of season Banquet, and this is my biggest project of the summer. I get to choose a theme, and then work that theme into every element of the banquet. Last year, we produced a movie short, based on Grease, and presented it to our campers. This year, with The Wizard of Oz as the theme, we are once again producing a little movie. To narrow a 2 hour movie into a 8 minute presentation, is a challenge, to say the least, but I'm confident that it will be a successful and memorable endeavor. The best part is the challenge. I love dipping into a project that I'm not exactly sure how to do. Eventually we figure it out, and then, I've learned something new.

I am learning something about myself as well. I NEED opportunities to learn and grow. And sometimes, at home, with the day to day STUFF, I just get caught up in a tangle of errands and chores. Of course, the number one priority is the well being of my children, and of course the health of my marriage. But after 15 years of this, I need to add these opportunities to my "to-do" list.

Every year, at the conclusion of camp, I come home, newly rejuvenated. This year, I'm pretty sure looking for a little job (one that I can do 10 months a year) is part of my plan. Eeeeek. I'm so scared. I'm mean I'M REALLY scared. Am I good enough, smart enough, experienced enough, valuable enough? I know the answer, but jumping in is TERRIFYING.

Any-whooooo...the girls are great. The hubby's great. The weather's hot. The days go quickly. I'll be home soooooo soon.

Hope your summer has been great!

xoxo

Pride and JOY!!!

2008-07-19T20:38:00.010-04:00

I'm home for 24 hours, as I have escorted our half season campers home today, and tomorrow I'm assisting in transporting 20 new campers up to camp. So aren't I lucky, I get to spend 24 hours with my Gregg...

Any-whooooo...it's been a very busy few days and a lot of wonderful things happened. On Sunday, we had our Visiting Day Art Show, this is a picture of my Arts and Crafts Room, as we were setting up. It's an exhausting day, but so much fun to meet the parents of our campers. (That's one of my staff members, Samantha, in the picture.) Plus, we got to see my parents, Wendi, Joe and of course, the lovely Annie visiting her dad from Australia!

On Monday, we had the camp theatre production of Seussical the Musical. Addie and Sydney both were part of the cast, and they really were terrific. My department was responsible for all costume and makeup, and we spent a good part of the first 3 weeks of camp sewing costumes for this one performa nce. I am truly proud of our hard work, and think the costumes look great. And Sydney, she was amazing!!!

On Tuesday, both Hayley and Sydney took part in a talent show for the Camp "Top Ten" Competition. Both of my oldest daughters, BOTH of them were chosen from the oldest division to represent the "Top Ten" All-Around Campers. Over the course of a week, they participated in events from Athletics, personality, intelligence and talent. Hayley played the piano and sang a song that she re-wrote the lyrics to. Sydney sang "Love" by Matt White. They were both awesome.

On Thursday, they announced the "Top Five" girls, the girls who accumulated the most points in all the competion, to compete for the title...kind of like our camp's version of Miss America. And my own Hayley actually made it to the top five! Anyhow, in the end, she was the First Runner UP!!! How about that???

Anyhow...I'm gloating a little, because I'm so proud of my girls and my work. I don't know what I did to deserve this...but my buttons are bursting with pride!!!

A Little R and R

2008-07-05T16:02:00.005-04:00

I'm home for my first of two sets of off time from my camp. It's great to be at camp, but even better to be at home. Gregg and I are just chillin', which is the BEST! We slept in, had a long lunch, I got my nails done and we shopped for nothing. Aaaaah, what could be better. This kids are doing so well, and I even get hugs and kisses now and then. Being at camp is really a second home, and everyone there feels like my second family.

Here are some pics of my cabin. It's tiny and it's basic, but really, what more do I need. It only feels small when Gregg comes up with the dogs. That I can do without. (Nothing like waking up with a fatso Bichon Frise in your face).

I've also been hard at work costuming our upcoming musical "Seussical". This is one of the most exciting and satisfying parts of my job. With limited resources, I get to create the "look" of the show. Seaussical is especially interesting to me, because I have never seen a production, so I have no real preconceived notions of what it's supposed to look like.

I have a few wonderful people that I've been collaborating with on the show...a real NY actress, an aspiring fashion designer, and amazing and beautiful campers. I've been turning thrift shop finds into little costumes for the show ensemble (Addison is one of them), and each time I complete an outfit I can't help feel like a contestant on Project Runway...(my favorite show). I'm super blessed to be able to tackle such an interesting project, with no real qualifications!

I'm learning the finer points of silk-screening, rocketry and pottery, and I'm getting messy (as usual).

This is more than a job for me, it is a central and essential part of my being. I'm so lucky to be able to say that.

Come fall, I'll have to start thinking about getting a "real" job. Before working at camp, I might not have the confidence or qualifications to feel good about going on an interview, but I'm gaining both with these summer experiences.

Anyone hiring a middle aged mama who still needs her summers off? I know a little about a lot, but not a lot about anything. I'm even keeled, personable and a loyal employee. Of course, I'm not sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I'm hoping that all might magically fall into place soon.

Any-whoooo...just wanted to check in with my bloggy friends and say hello. So. HELLO!!!

xoxo

Quick Update

2008-06-25T10:29:00.003-04:00

Things are busy, but good busy. The campers have arrived, and we have quickly gotten into a routine. My three girls are well. I've done a little spying, here and there, and have seen lots of smiles. Even Addie, who at 7 is probably a little young to be a full time camper, is a super star.

The most exciting news is that both Addie and Sydney made the cast of the camp show, Seussical. Addie will be playing the part of a "Citizen of Who-Ville", and Sydney got cast in the part of Gertrude. What's that part? She asked the director. Turns out, she's the female Lead!!

Way to go SYDNEY! (I'm so proud of my daughter!)

The Graduate

2008-06-18T18:24:00.002-04:00

Two days ago, Hayley graduated from 8th grade. I may be biased, but I think she's gorgeous!

Ready for anything????

2008-06-17T18:20:00.000-04:00

Half way through day one, and I’m stoked to be here with my summer family. Silly story of the day: I met my staff today for the very first time. They are all college aged girls, here in the US for the first time. I ran a very organized orientation this morning. I talked non-stop, for an hour, explaining their duties and responsibilities.

Then, I took them on a tour of our art center. I opened the door to our scrapbooking room, and we found a baby bat, sleeping on the floor. Yes, I said, bat. It was the size of a little froggy, but it was a BAT.

I should have been calm and reserved. Instead, I ran screaming from the room.

I’m great at first impressions.

Home Camp Home

2008-06-15T21:46:00.002-04:00

Armed with disinfectant, rubber gloves, mops, brooms, and my middle daughter, I trekked up to camp today to clean my cabin and unpack. Sydney was kind enough to keep me company and the two of us worked hard to get my cabin spanking clean.

My summer home, is a room, about 12x12 with a private bathroom. I have air conditioning, though a fan is still necessary, I have pergo flooring. A bed. Two "cubbies" and a lighting fixture. It's just big enough for my bed and my clothes.

Camp is a great experience, though, we learn very quickly, that there is a lot we cannot control, and we have to accept it.

Today was a good example.

I arrived, as planned, at 11:00 am. When I arrived at camp, I came to find out that a staff member, who had been injured a few days ago was convalescing in my cabin. Though they had him leave fairly quickly, and move to a new resting spot, the cabin was a disaster area when we arrived. His used medicinal supplies littered the floor, the toilet was in the up position, there were food crumbs generous strewn about, used paper towels crumpled on the bed, not to mention the requisite dust and dirt all over the floor.

If we were checking into a hotel, the condition of the room would have been unacceptable. It would have been cleaned and sterilized before we even arrived.

Of course, camp is no hotel, so the housekeeping was left to us. And though it only took a couple of hours to scrub it spotless, and though I've been coming to work at camp for 6 years, there is still a bit of culture shock when I first get there. We did fine, of course, after a couple deep breaths and a lot of elbow grease.

Camp is about "making do". It is about fulfilling basic needs. It is about scaling down expectations. It is about making something out of nothing. And my daughter, proved to me today that she's a great camper. She helped my through the muck, and at the end of the day, we had a great time together.

And even though my room is small and sparse. It's clean. It's private. And for the next 8 weeks, it all mine.

I'm so lucky!!!

Counting Down stream of conciousness...

2008-06-13T12:42:00.003-04:00

I've been busy checking things off my list before I leave for camp.

The bills are paid.

The bags are packed.

Now i have to go to the supermarket, to stock up the shelves for the week the kids are home with gregg, but I'm at camp.

I've had shpeilkes here and there, it's so overwhelming.

I know I'll have a great summer, but at this point I'm always feeling a bit of DREAD.

I leave on Sunday, then return on Monday for Hayley's graduation, then back to camp first thing Tuesday.

I'm getting too old for this, I think. I hope I bring the guitar hero to camp. I'm so tired. I hope I'll be a good boss. I hope I get a good staff.

I hope the girls have fun this summer.
I got my hair cut. It's summer short. Not boy short, but it's short. Not scary short, but it's not medium length. It's short. I actually like it. The messier the better.
I hope I can keep up with the blog-0-sphere at camp. Things are so different there. We don't do a lot of web surfing, there's no time and little connectivity.

I have to put the paperwork away and finish packing. I'm wasting my time here. It's just easier to write than to face the work. EEEEEkkk.

Isn't this cool???

2008-06-10T21:56:00.000-04:00

It's that TIME Again

2008-06-08T14:59:00.002-04:00

As of next Monday, I'll have packed up the family, and moved to overnight camp for the next 8 weeks. Even though its only a week away and this is the 6th year I've done this, it's hard to come to terms with the reality that in a week, I'll won't be cooking, cleaning, doing laundry or yelling (at least at my own kids).

I will be living in a small, (and I mean small) room. I will have air-conditioning, and cable, too.

I won't have easy access to the internet. I won't have a lot of control over my schedule. I won't know what's for dinner until I arrive in the dining hall. I won't get to spend a lot of time with my kids. I won't see my husband, except on the weekends.

I will be visiting dairy queen now and then. I will have to learn to deal with the heat. I will be meeting people from LITERALLY all over the world. At the tender age of 44, I will be one of the 8th oldest person at the camp. I will be bringing my travel scrabble game. I will be eating all you can eat crabs 3 or 4 times. I will have to drive 30 minutes to get to the closest Walmart.

I won't be dressing well. I won't be talking sister everyday. (This will piss her off). I will be writing letters to my kids, even though I will see them every day. I will get the privilege of seeing who my kids are palling around with.

I will be seeing a skunk, a snake and lots of bugs. I won't be prepared for it when I do. I will be supervising a group of college students. I won't be yelling at them much (I'm a pretty easy boss). I won't have to wear a lot of make-up. But I'll put it on every day. I will be taking a nap after lunch every day.

I will spend most of the summer wearing crocs and paint splattered tees and shorts. I will forget names of a lot of the campers, even though I'll try not to. I will have 3 nervous breakdowns. I will teach a class in ceramics or silkscreening when the assigned teacher is sick. I won't really know what I'm doing. I will fake it well.

I will pledge to eat well, and not have too many chocolate chip cookies or trips to the dairy queen. I will start off well, but have a few slip-ups.

I will sing karaoke at the local bar, and if I do it just right, I will embarrass my husband, and anyone else that admits to knowing me.

I will rent movies at the block-buster, and then I will watch them, and then I'll watch them again, with the dvd bonus comments turned on.

I will be writing and directing a 10 minute movie...to be shown at the end of the summer. I will be supervising the costuming and make-up of 2 theatrical productions. I will be decorating our dining hall for an end of season banquet. I will be putting together 2 visiting day art shows.

I will be exhausted at the end of the day, every day. I will be really exhausted at the end of the summer.

I will get two evenings of visitation with my children. I will really enjoy every moment with them.

At the end of the summer, I will come home, and do a TON of laundry. And this will feel precious and new. I will once again appreciate how lucky I am to have my wonderful husband and children, parents and sister and bro-in-law.

Not so fast...

2008-06-04T01:31:00.002-04:00

We can't always be happy, I guess. But lately, I feel like shutting down. I wish I had a more generous spirit, a more patient heart, a happier foundation. I wish I could be a better role model, a better wife, a better daughter. I wish I could love myself enough to take better care of myself. I wish I could have more confidence in myself. I wish I could be more organized. Less distracted, more focused. I wish I could live in the moment instead of wishing the moment away.

It's 1:38 am. I wish I could just fall asleep.

Don't feel sorry for me. We all have bad days. This is just one. And if I'm going to be honest with myself, I need to acknowledge my bad days too.

Tomorrow is another chance to get it right.

Top Five

2008-05-30T19:12:00.002-04:00

I got tagged by my Amber (who is my bloggy twin, by the way) and I'm so glad, because after the last week of posts, I am really hard-pressed to find anything interesting to write about!! By the way, my blog never received more traffic than it did in the last few days...thank you SJP and SATC!

But back to the mundane, I got tagged to write the top five answers to the following questions:

1. What I was doing 10 years ago today.

-Mothering two little girls, aged 3 and 4.
-Putting together money for end of the year teacher gifts at pre-school
-Paying bills without the benefit of a computer
-Planning a short vacation in Margate, NJ at the White Sands Motel
-Spoke everyday to a wonderful friend, that I (sadly) don't speak to anymore.

2. Five Things on My To-do List from today
- Deposit economic stimulus check (yay!)
- Pick up Gregg's birth certificate (so he can have his license renewed)
-Fold laundry
-Go camp shopping - pick up toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant and other necessities for camp (I leave in 2 weeks!!!)
-Make dinner ( salmon, ribs, corn, salad)

3. Snacks I Enjoy
-Good-n-Plenties
-Chips-n-Salsa
-Double Stuff Oreos (don't worry, Mom, I don't usually eat these, but they are sooo good!)
-Garlic Toasted Bagel Chips
-Grapes

4. Things I'd do if I were a millionare
(Okay, I'm changing this one, to "Things I would do if I had unlimited funds)
-Travel the world with family.
-Nuture my home, do improvements, have lovely landscaping and new kitchen...would I move? maybe, but I'd really like to just make this home PERFECT
-Have a really big party, invite everyone I know, and have a great time.
-Help family financially, so that everyone can be comfortable.
-Donate to China Earthquake Relief, then pay someone off, so that my sister could FINALLY bring my niece HOME where she belongs. (okay, maybe the pay someone off part isn't really nice, but, we've been WAITING too long!!!!)

5. Places I've lived, in order

Philadelphia, PA - Mt Airy Section
Elkins Park, PA
State College, PA
Philadelphia, PA
South Jersey
(that's kind of boring, isn't it?)

So now, it's my turn to tag a few...

Wendi
Susan
KJO
Anonnie ( you can just fill in yours in the comments)
Irisa (see Anonnie, above)
Heidi (see Anonnie, above)

Part Three - Sex and the City - Celebrity Encounters

2008-05-28T14:48:00.006-04:00

My REVIEW: The movie did not disappoint. I will not give anything away. We enjoyed it and if you were a fan of the show, it is a MUST SEE. That's my whole review.

After the movie ended, I kind of expected everyone to stay seated and cheer during the credits. But everyone just got up and got out of there. I was really disappointed, because I am an habitual credit reader. I like to know just who the gaffer was,the best boy, the make-up artists etc.

Nevertheless, we stayed for most of the credits to cheer for our friend's daughter's name, who was the connection who scored us the tickets.

As we left the theater and entered the lobby, I spotted a odd short person, with spikey hair and dark rimmed eyeglasses...none other than the winning contestant on my favorite show, Project Runway... Christian!!! He was "fierce"! (Amber Grundman...I was thinking of you!!!)

We left, thinking that was the last of the celebs, but my celebrity eye was still working and I turned to see .... Jerry Seinfeld!! (That's his wife Jessica in the white jacket next to him....the blonde in the black dress was simply a stalker, whose husband was taking her picture with him ...see the camera on the right)

Wendi said right after this photo was taken, Jerry looked directly at me, with a very cranky angry look. So apparently, I have somehow pissed Jerry Seinfeld. Sorry, Jerry .

Finally, we turn to see a member of the SATC cast, who happens to be an old acquaintance of my sister's, Mario Cantone. Though we weren't sure whether or not he would recognize her, since they haven't seen eachother in several years, he calmly looked up at my sister and said, "Oh, Hi Wendi!"....he kissed and hugged us both, and we congratulated him on a job well done.

So that's it! We had a little elbow rubbing with celebrities. We saw a red carpet from a close proximity. We sat in the same room as, Donald Trump, Mary J. Blige, Bette Midler, Jennifer Garner, the cast of SATC, Mary Kate (or was it Ashley) Olsen, Caroline Rhea, Regis, Jennifer Hudson, Idina Menzel and a bunch of others, we saw a great movie, a lot of beautiful people, got free popcorn and the best part was sharing all the anticipation and silliness with my beautiful, wonderul sister....THANKS WENDI!!! I LOVE YOU...

PART TWO - Sex and the City Premiere

2008-05-28T14:30:00.006-04:00

Our view of the red (actually pink) carpet. If you go to IMDb.com
you can see a full synopsis of all the celebrities on the red carpet.

Our tickets...if you look closely enough, you'll notice that our assigned seats weren't next to eachother, in fact, they were on complete opposite ends of the theatre!

Finally, we got in to the theater, and we were able to sit together. After another LONG wait, but this time, we enjoyed free popcorn and vitamin water, the show began.

Michael Patrick King spoke, and he then introduced the four stars of the movie... (that's Sarah Jessica Parker at the microphone...and then it was time for the movie!!!

(I'll continue in part three!)

Part ONE -And We're Back....My Night at the Sex and the City Premiere!!

2008-05-28T13:50:00.011-04:00

(I'm publishing this in several parts, because uploading pictures onto blogger is a pain in the tuchus (tookis, tuooochoos?) Anyway, this is part ONE, the next part is close behind!

We made it, and it's almost surreal...but we had a wonderful time. We sat two seats away from Ashley Olsen, got pictures taken with Regis Philbin and Bette Midler, we went to the after-party at Momo and our feet barely survived....okay, I'm JOKING. We actually didn't get to do any of those things, but...my sister Wendi and I were at the NY Premiere of Sex and the City, and this is the lowdown of our little visit into a different world.

1. OUR OUTFITS - Like proper sisters, I showed up at her house with my outfit...and our shirts were VERY similar!! How funny is that! I had a pretty substantial fashion emergency when the minimizer strapless bra I purchased at ANNIE SEZ did not have the security device removed. I was afraid if I wore it, I'd set off the metal detectors, so I had to wear my normal bra with the straps tucked in. Therefore, I was FAR more boob-a-licious than I should have been, but oh well, no one was looking at me anyway!!!

2. Other people's outfits: Most of the people there were wearing cocktail attire, which was really something to see...but the most incredible accessory of all were the shoes. I have never seen more high heels IN MY LIFE.

3. FLEET WEEK - If you are a fan of the show, you remember the episode about Fleet Week in New York City. How exciting...this IS Fleet Week and here are a couple of sailors we found!

4 To the right is a picture of Radio City Music Hall. The premiere took place here, this is the view of the main entrance, at 51st and ...I don't know. Since our tix were "Will Call", we had to pick up our tickets at the will call window.

5. Our New Friends - We made friends with two lovely southern belles, who were the sisters of the assistant costume designer... We were first in line, they were second. We also made friends with the security personnel who were very kind to us, and made sure we kept our first in line status!

Here are the "little people" who couldn't get behind the velvet ropes like we could. (We were so special for 5 minutes.)

The Verdict: Don't Hate Me Because I'm INSANE

2008-05-25T15:36:00.005-04:00

Well, except for only a couple of my loyal fans, (Okay, there are about 8 of you, but whatever...) the PINK dress was the ONE. I put it on yesterday, and frankly, I felt like a watermelon ready to take a stroll on the red carpet. So guess what...I RETURNED IT!!!

So any whoo, my sister doesn't' think we should be COMPLETELY dressed up, (I guess I shouldn't look like I'm trying too hard, even though I'm having major anxiety over this), so I opted for a "Casual Elegance" look, with high heels (of course...this is sex and the city). I feel far more comfortable, and like I'm not trying to be something I am not, and anyway...I'm pretty sure most eyes are not going to be on me. Actually, I'm positive about that.

And I saw a promo on the E! Channel, that their going to have "LIVE from THE RED CARPET: Sex and The City" on Tuesday evening. So thanks to my girl Alison, she's going to DVR it for my viewing pleasure.

So the bottom line...take notice in the above picture, not of the four stylish fashionista's glowing with anticipation, but of the woman to the left with the black dress and boots. Appreciate her, because unlike the women in the spotlight, she did not have stylists picking out her clothes, she is larger than a size 4, fashion designers weren't begging her to pick their outfit, and Harry Winston wasn't lending her diamond necklaces. She probably picked out that outfit herself and (in my own mind)she, too had a little bit of angst...

Now, I just have to deal with my nails, my eyebrows, shave my legs, get a healthy tan...figure out accessories....oy...I may not make it alive!

FASHION EMERGENCY!!! HELP!!

2008-05-21T14:36:00.005-04:00

Okay, you know that show on HGTV called House Hunters, where they show the people three houses and they have to pick one? That's kind of like how I feel right now picking out a dress for the big Sex and the City Premiere. (Did I mention, I was going to the Sex and the City Premiere???) (Okay, just kidding)

Anyway, please help!!! Which of the following should I wear?

Dress ONE - Calvin Klein, pink, fitted, moderately priced, needs a LITTLE alteration in the shoulder area. Pros - feels very SATC Cons - I don't want to take any attention away from SJP. (Again, I'm joking :)

Dress TWO - Adrianna Papell, brown with bead embellishiments at the neck. Pros - ON SALE...ridiculously cheap, doesn't really need alteration. Cons - has a few loose threads, not in wonderful condition.

Dress THREE - Black two piece fitted outfit - Pros - Will probably get the most use out of this one, it's classic, no alteration needed, tried a similar outfit for the bat mitzvah and loved it then. Cons - ugly rhinestone thingy on the top (i can remove), most expensive of the bunch, it's black...how many black dresses does a girl need?

Please help, and tell me which is the best choice...or at least YOUR choice. And if you are generally shy about commenting, I'm begging you PLEASE comment this time, I need you. :0

Yes, Really.

2008-05-20T17:49:00.001-04:00

To answer a couple questions posed lately, yes, we're really going to the premiere. Yes, the premiere. Red carpet, fancy shoes, photographers and movie stars. I'm pretty sure, however, no one will be asking me, "Who are you wearing", though, I'm kind of hoping I can stand behind a celebrity and then see myself on E!.

Okay, that was only one question, but I answered it.

My question now is, What am I going to wear???? And though my mother wanted me to wear the dress I wore to the Bat Mitzvah, I'm going to pass on the notion of wearing an outfit that looks a little like a tablecloth.

So, I'll have to go shopping. (Oh well).

I thought the 27th was a wednesday, and that would be the day I go to NY. Now I find out it's a Tuesday! Oy, less time than I thought!!! Tee hee!

Oh, yeah, one question that keeps popping up is, "Can I come with?" I wish you could, but I'm lucky that my beautiful sister picked me (out of all the girls she could have picked).

Finally, and this is to the BEAUTIFUL Annonie -(if you read Wendi's Blog, you should know who Anonnie is), a: you are gorgeous; b: can I add your picture to the main photo? c: you look like you are possibly our long-lost sister :)

And one more thing...who's going to meet us for Cosmos before and/or after the show??? We have to have a total SATC moment!

Sex and the City Premiere

2008-05-18T19:33:00.002-04:00

Wendi's taking me!!! I'm going to the premiere!

Woooo hoooo!!!

(Wish you could join us, Susan, because that's your face on Samantha!!)

How come Susan REALLY looks like Samantha?

My baby is 13 today!!!

2008-05-17T09:43:00.001-04:00

48 reasons I love my Husband

2008-05-16T12:19:00.002-04:00

I know I'm a little saccharine-y sweet, but I really love my husband, and since it's his birthday, I need to tell you why.
1. He puts up with me.
2. He has a great sense of humor.
3. He's very prompt.
4. He makes me feel secure.
5. He taught me how to do laundry. I guess, that's cause he didn't want to do it anymore.
6. But he still helps me with the laundry.
7. He's my rock.
8. He still loves me, even when I do really stupid things.
9. He always has a movie line handy, perfect for any occasion.
10. He never apologizes for anything, and even though that's a little frustrating, at least he's predictable.
11. He eats my cooking, and appreciates it, but if I don't feel like cooking, he loves to go out to eat!
12. He has passion for the things he loves, family, sports, music, golf...
13. He is loyal to everyone.
14. He taught me what it means to be a considerate person.
15. He writes me love notes on my birthday.
16. He is respectful to my parents and extended family.
17. He has the cutest Grandmom ever.
18. He's very sentimental, and saves every card, note letter he gets.
19. His car is spotlessly clean.
20. He takes care of himself. He eats right, excercises, takes enough vitamins to stock a GNC.
21. No offense to any other 48 year old man, but, really, he is the cutest 48 year old man EVER! Like, when we're in a room filled with people, and I see the most handsome man in the room, I double take when I realize, it's Gregg.
22. He's a great dad to girls. He'll car-pool, he'll coach, he'll listen, he'll yell, he'll love them forever.
23. He picks up the dog poop in the back yard.
24. He can yenta with the best of 'em.
25. He just paid a small fortune for a big party for his Jewish children.
26. He never forgets a name.
27. He talks baby talk to the dogs.
28. He lets me go to camp in the summer.
29. He let me be a stay at home mom, even when we couldn't really afford it.
30. He's a neat freak, and somehow puts up with my sloppiness.
31. He's the nicest guy in the world.
32. He never misses an opportunity to eat dessert, yet he remains slim and fit.
33. He is sports obsessed.
34. He actually gives a shit about things that many men don't. Like picking out furniture, paint, china patterns, decor.
35. And he's perfectly comfortable with that.
36. He adores his children.
37. He'll do car-pool duty and never complain.
38. When I'm sick, he brings me breakfast in bed.
39. He's an excellent driver. Like really good.
40. He knows how to do stuff, stuff I could never figure out.
41. He can speak Yiddish with ease.
42. He taught me not to waste my energy on worry and things that I cannot control.
43. He notices the small details in life, and makes sure to appreciate them.
44. He's the best friend I've ever had.
45. He's a good son.
46. He's really good at just enjoying life.
47. He's not obnoxious. Usually.
48. He's not interested in birthday presents, or parties or making a big deal about his birthday. But, I want him to know that his birthday IS a big deal, because it gives me the chance to let him know how much I adore him, and how grateful I am that he is my guy.

Happy Birthday Gregg, thanks for finding me 19 years ago, and giving me a life that feels like heaven on earth.

I never even heard of Digital Scrapbooking til Today

2008-05-13T20:08:00.004-04:00

Okay, so this is pretty cool....
Digitial Scrapbooking? Who cares? Well apparently I do, I put these pages together today, and it's totally fun. Having nothing else to blog about, I thought I'd share them here.

Blinded by my own Reflection

2008-05-12T08:55:00.004-04:00

December 2006, we attended the Bat Mitzvah of Hayley's bff Samantha. The ENTIRE crew of us was invited to the event, Gregg, all three girls and me. It was a lovely cermony, a lovely reception. Sam's dad stood up at the reception to thank their guests for attending, and made mention of a very special guest, author Jennifer Weiner. She was doing research for a new book she was writing, and wanted to get a first hand look at the current Bar/Bat Mitzvah scene.

Now, frankly, I'm usually a little shy when it comes to stuff like this. But Jennifer Weiner!!! I first fell for her when she wrote a column in the Philadelphia Inquirer. When she wrote her first novel, I felt like a proud mama watching her little baby grow up. The movie, "In Her Shoes" was based on another of her novels, about two Jewish sisters from the Philadelphia area. It touched me to the core.

So here I am, at a Bat Mitzvah, and she's LITERALLY ONE TABLE AWAY!! I know she's going to be my new best friend. She's going to LOVE ME!! We are kindred spirits!! This is my CHANCE!!

I saunter up to my future BFF, and casually introduce myself. She was very polite, smiled, shook my hand, and that was that.

But I have an almost 13 year old daughter she can write about! I have a SISTER! I'm planning a Bat Mitzvah! I really LOVED Shirley McClaine in the MOVIE!!! We're practically TWINS!!!!!!!!!

Then it occurs to me, Wendi would absolutely PLOTZ if she heard about this. So I call Wendi on the cell phone, and I think, that all of a sudden this day is no longer about Samantha, the Bat Mitzvah, but it's about JENNIFER WEINER the FAMOUS AUTHOR!!!!!!!! And I feel bad about that a little, I really do.

"Wendi, you're not going to believe this" I speak on the tiny phone with my index finger plugging up my ear. "JENNIFER WEINER, is here right now!!!!!!!!!!""

Somehow, I got the brilliant idea, that if Jennifer Weiner spoke to my really much cooler and more successful older sister who works at a New York radio station, I might achieve a higher level of credibility than just an ordinary yenta guest at a bat mitzvah. So I approached the most famous person in the room, once again, this time with the my sister/the phone in hand.

"I'm sorry to have to interrupt you again, but my sister is a big fan, can you talk to her on the phone??"

Again, she was highly polite, spoke to Wendi, and when she was done, I figured NOW she'd really be my BFF. Once again, she wiggled her way out of my grasp.

At this point, I think I got the message. She wasn't attracted to me, to my really cool sister, to my love of her or anything. She didn't need anymore friends, and frankly, she WAS there that day to do research.

Darn it.

I think I continued to stalk a little after that, just to make sure she really didn't need me, she got to meet Hayley, and even interview her for her research, but no, she was clearly there to work not to socialize.

Oh well, easy come, easy go.

Fast forward, Mother's Day 2008. Wendi and I exchange gifts (I'm not sure how Mother's Day became a reason for sisters to exchange gifts, but somehow it has), and what is it, but Certain Girls, the recently published book by Jennifer Weiner.

Now, I'd love to tell you that there is entire chapter in her book about that fateful day in 2006 when Jennifer Weiner got to meet ME, but alas, I'm no fool.

What I can tell you, is that I'm just about 1/3 of the way through, and once again, Ms. Weiner touches my soul. She writes about the relationship of a mother and her almost 13 year old daughter. The perspective of the book switches between Mother and Daughter, and I'm amazed how authentic it feels.

Gregg asked last night if I was enjoying the book. I told him, it's making me a little nauseous. (And I mean that in a good way). It's just that I see so much of myself in this character, that it hurts a little, and I feel like I need to look away. Like when a bright light is shined into my eyes. The truth is so illuminated, it's a little blinding.

I really can't wait to continue reading, (nausea and all), and I must admit, that I feel comfort in reading about this relationship, that my insecurities, my worries, my sometimes unwillingness to let go of my hold on my children is not unique to just me. And even though Jennifer Weiner, the famous author doesn't have room in her life for me personally, I am grateful she has welcomed me into a little piece of her soul.

P.S. In her acknowledgments, she says, "In researching this book, I was lucky enough to be invited to....the bat mitzvah of Samantha W in Cherry Hill where absolutely NOTHING untoward happened. I thank...Samantha...and (her) parents, friends, and families for being so gracious and welcoming."

Did you notice she thanked Samantha's FRIENDs. Hmmmm....maybe she was referring to me....(give me a break, a girl can dream!)

P.P.S. Do you see the back of the arm on the cover of the book, it kind of looks like me on the day we met, pictured below.... (Okay, I know that's pushing it....but c'mon, do you think that's really just a coincidence???)

A Year of Colic

2008-05-10T10:34:00.005-04:00

Last year, on the day before Mother's Day, I wrote my first blog entry. I set out to write a blog slightly different from what it has morphed into. I initially thought, I wouldn't share this with anyone. I wanted to simply journal my feelings day to day.

I learned in this year, that writing is the ultimate therapy. Feelings I didn't know I had bubble up to the surface when I'm writing. I find myself experiencing life, and then thinking, "I need to blog about that". It's not really about communicating, but more about sorting out my thoughts, and then organizing them in a fashion that helps me make sense of my journey.

Heidi asked me last night if I was okay if my children read my blog. I am. In fact, I wouldn't write anything on this blog that I wouldn't share with them. In fact, I think my blog would be far more compelling if I threw caution to the wind, and spoke about EVERYthing. But I am protective of my girls, and I reveal just enough to be therapeutic, but not enough to be a complete embarrassment! When I need to sort out the more private stuff, I have my husband, mother, sister and girlfriends to confide in.

I kept a journal for many years when I was a teen and in my early twenties. I loved journaling back then for the simple fact that sometimes I just didn't feel like I wanted to burden anyone with my drama. And I always felt like in the end, I would have written my own personal history books.

That has become the function in blog-land, except these history books will be here forever, their pages won't tatter and they won't get covered with dust in a box in the attic.

I've made friends, learned some life lessons, had the opportunity to share with family and friends, and have touched people on the other side of the world.

The day before mother's day was a good day to begin this journey, one year ago. And I am learning that my theme, "Colic was Easier" is a metaphor for our natural longing for the "good old days". Things always look sweeter and simpler in hindsight. It's like how women who have given birth always say they don't remember the pain. I think we can all try to remember that when times are challenging. One day, I'm sure, I will look back on these days, the days that made my hair gray, and think, those days were nothing compared to this.

I guess, we just need to savor every moment of our lives. Because, as the song says, "these ARE the good old days."

Peace.

May 5th, 1989

2008-05-05T09:31:00.004-04:00

Nineteen years ago, Cinco de May0 fell on a Friday. It was a rainy day, the weather on the cusp of bursting into summer weather. But that day, it was a little chilly, and very gray. A week before, I had moved out of my parents house, a little overdue for the move, considering I was already 25. I was living in a tiny apartment in an old South Philly neighborhood, not far from South Street and the Italian market. I worked for an insurance company, where my paycheck afforded a lifestyle that included weekly trips to the Limited Express for clothing, chinese food for lunch everyday, $290. per month rent, and evenings out as a young, single girl in the city.

Nineteen years ago today, I was elated to finally be out on my own, and to celebrate, Irisa and another friend (what was her name?) came to see my pad, and walk over to JC Dobbs, to see Irisa's favorite band at the time, The Rivals. We spent a lot of time at rock and roll clubs, and had our favorite bands, Tommy Conwell, The Hooters, The Rivals...

The Rivals were a poppy 80's band by anyones standards, The band members wore mullets, with plenty of mousse to extend the top of their heads, diamond stud earrings, tight jeans, metal belts, brightly colored shirts. We loved going to see them, and stand in the front and make eye contact with the band members.

The band was playing at JC Dobbs, and they were probably a little ill-suited for that venue. Dobbs, a philly institution, was a down and dirty rock club. Nirvana had played there before they were well known, as well as a host of other famous bands.

Normally, when I went out, I was hoping, maybe to meet a guy, so I'd get dolled up, and do a lot of eyelash batting. This particular evening, however, I was just about DONE with men. I had been hurt one time too many by other boyfriends, and I just felt finished. I wore old jeans, a tank top, bo-bo sneakers, and a blazer.

We arrived at the club and just hung out for a while chatting together. A large group of guys and girls walked in a little later, and they looked a little clean cut for the down and dirty atmosphere of JC Dobbs. One guy, taller than the rest, light haired, came in with a big smile on his face, a green sweater with a white turtleneck underneath and he was paling around with another girl. Though they were together, I got the distinct impression, that it was a platonic relationship, even though they hugged several times.

I leaned over to Irisa, and commented, "that guy is SOOOOO cute". Too bad he's too young for me. He looked about 22 and just out of college. Maybe a preppy fraternity type. He would definitely not be attracted to a little short Jewish girl from the suburbs. But he was so cute.

I couldn't stop looking at him, but could not work up the courage to go up and say hello. He had some other friends there, and one particular guy, seemed goofy and approachable, so I figured, maybe I can get an introduction through the goofy, approachable guy.

I approached this guy, who spoke like a surfer dude and informed me that his name was Crank. (I later found out that his name was Craig, I just didn't really understand him). We chatted for a while, and just like I planned, I was able to get intro to the cute tall blonde guy. He was holding two drinks, when "Crank" intoduced me to him.

"This is my friend, Gregg". Gregg looked down and juggled his glasses to free up a hand to shake mine. His eyes had a sparkle that made me smile, and I immediately felt comfortable in his presence.

He walked away, soon after our introduction, and I thought, well, "he's just not that into me."

A little later, I went to the bar to get a beer, and I peered down to my right, and saw Gregg standing there. I gave him a little wave, and he waved back and motioned to the bartender that he wanted to pay for my drink.

He came over to me, and asked me to dance. I was so surprised, because he actually could dance, which pretty unusual for most men. As we danced to the music, I inexplicably uttered my first words ever to my future husband, which to this day I find cheesy and embarrassing.

"You're a really good dancer...for a guy" Way to win him over, Lori.

Soon after, the band took a break and we went to the side of the stage to chat. I sat on a step, and he leaned on a rafter, looking down at me. He was so gorgeous, I couldn't believe he was talking to me. But, I started my interview.

"How old are you? What do you do for a living? Where do you live?"

28, Vice President of a printing company, South Jersey.

Pretty good credentials, I thought, not the 22 year old frat boy that I thought he was.

We spent the rest of the evening together, and when the bar was ready to close, we weren't ready to stop hanging out.

The girl he had arrived with, her name, Terri, came over to talk to me. She was very pretty, with light brown hair and gorgeous light eyes. She seemed friendly and intelligent, and frankly, like someone I'd be friends with. With both of her hands she grabbed mine. The looked at me, with a serious and heartfelt look, said,

"I want you to know, he's the nicest guy in the world". Wow. He must be a great guy, I thought, and it pretty much sealed the fact that, to get a recommendation from a cool girl like this, I was pretty lucky.

We ended up hanging out at my apartment after the bar closed. I told him, "I want to hang out, but I'm not like...THAT". He assured me with his smile that he was a gentleman, and thankfully, my instincts were right.

We left the club, and stopped at a Wawa across the street. We bought ice cream sundae fixings and walked in the pouring rain back to my apartment. We began our relationship by eating junk food at my kitchen table. We stayed up talking for the rest of the night.

Nineteen years, three children, two dogs, and one fish later, we are still here.

Once in a while, I look over at him and think, "he's just some guy I met in a bar". And boy, was I lucky to be there, Nineteen Years Ago Today.

Four Days, Four Movies

2008-04-28T09:38:00.005-04:00

I love going to the movies. It's my little escape. For $9.00, I can go on a two hour vacation complete with popcorn and diet coke. I particularly like the chick flick genre, musicals, comedies. Nothing terribly deep. It's just that if I'm going to go on vacation (even for 2 hours) I don't want to come home depressed. So give me a feel good movie, and I'm happy.

Over the past 4 days, I made 4 trips to the local movie house. We have a gorgeous theater in our town, that was built originally to show arty and foreign films, not necessarily the big blockbusters. It's atmosphere is almost serene, with a coffee bar, complete with pastry and biscotti, leather couches and high brow magazines and newspapers. You definitely avoid the popcorn laden rowdiness of some of the other theaters that we have been to. Through the years it has morphed into more of a main stream theater, but it has maintained its original sophisticated flavor.

But I digress (I do that a lot)...Anyway, I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall (thanks to Amber, my bloggy twin), Baby Mama (kind of a disappointment)and finally, I saw Young at Heart. In fact I loved Young at Heart so much, I went back the very next day to see it again with my parents and daughters.

If you haven't heard about Young at Heart, it is a documentary about a choral group made up solely of seniors, aged from about 70 and up. They perform all kinds of pop and rock music, such as The Clash, The Ramones, James Brown and Coldplay. Absolutely amazing. I was incredibly moved by the experience.

We are so used to seeing movies that are pretty. In Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the two female love interests were absolutely flawless. Perfect skin, hair, white teeth, gorgeous bodies. It's easy to see why women and girls can develop body issues, if this level of perfection, is portrayed as our role models. It's beautiful to look at, but REALLY, who looks like that in the real world?

The women and men in Young at Heart were real people. Their body's were worn down, a by-product of life. Their skin, with broken capillaries, pock-marks, extra chin hair and soft wrinkles, did not have the advantage of good lighting, air-brushing or botox treatments. To function, they relied on canes, oxygen machines, blood transfusions, magnifying glasses, and the help of good friends. There bodies seemingly healthy and robust, could turn on them in the blink of an eye. They have to become accustomed to ill-health and loss.

But instead of giving up, these people live more vivaciously than I do. They have passion, for their music, for their friends, for being a part of a community. They envision their future, not for the next few months, but for years and years. They are true role models, because, instead of just existing, the are LIVING.

My father-in-law passed away about 3 years ago at the age of 86. He'd lived a full life, with a large and loving family, he never really retired, adored the playing golf and watching baseball games. He was a quiet man, with a sparkle in his eyes that was inherited by my husband and daughters.

The week before he passed away, he was admitted into the hospital. His body was failing and his death was inevitable. We spent many hours at the hospital, taking turns with Gregg's brothers and sisters at his bedside. I went to his room to say goodbye one evening before we left. He took my hand and told me, "I don't think I'm going to live another year, and I'm not ready to die. I just don't want to miss seeing your babies grow up." He wept as he confided in me.

Here he was, and the end was there, and he was planning on living another year. He died peacefully in his sleep 4 days later. Everyone said he was a lucky man, to live so long. But he surely wasn't ready to let go.

I guess this movie struck a nerve with me, because sometimes I feel I'm just existing. I get caught up in the laundry, the bills, the computer, the homework, cooking, cleaning, only to go to bed and wake up the next day to do it all again.

But one day, God willing, I'll wake up, feeling like the person I am today, but in the mirror I will see those broken capillaries, soft wrinkles, and chin hairs. I hope, like my father-in-law, I'll be planning my life, not my death. And I hope I'll have passion, community and that joy, just like the members of Young at Heart. My new role models.

Happy Birthday Shish...this is what I love about Wendi.

2008-04-25T09:38:00.003-04:00

1. She is the best audience in the world. She can find the humor in anything, and then laughs out loud to show her appreciation.
2. She has a challenging career, accomplishes incredible things, but never toots her own horn, complains or seems overwhelmed.
3. She really is the nicer one.
4. She turns her friends into family.
5. She turns her family into friends.
6. She's willing to spend ridiculous amounts of money, so Addison can have an American Girl doll, that I would Never buy for her.
7. She talks to strangers. Anyone who catches her attention. She wants to know everything about people, and somehow people respond to her. And heaven forbid you have a Chinese baby...she will make you feel like her new best friend.
8. She chose a husband who puts up with our family, and our family nutsiness.
9. Going to her house feels like going on vacation.
10. When she comes to my house, she's willing to share a single bed with Addison, and somehow or other sleeps through the night.
11. Even though she comes to visit on a Friday, and insists she must leave on Saturday, we can usually convince her to stay til Sunday.
12. When she pigs-out, she really pigs-out.
13. But usually she counts each and every calorie.
14. She is so obsessed with my children, that she created her own my space page so she can keep track of them.
15. She's the oldest person on My space.
16. She likes showtunes.
17. A psychic once told me that in a past life we were both men and we were best friends. We loved each other so much, we decided to come back as sisters.
18. I think most people envy the relationship that we have.
19. Whenever we sit down to dinner, whether it's 5:00pm or 7:35pm, the phone rings and it is ALWAYS my sister.
20. She really misses us when we go away to camp. She would really prefer that we don't go at all.
21. But she still visits every visiting day.
22. When I was hospitalized 11 years ago, she spent the week at our house helping with the kids, and I think she even shared the bed with Gregg, which would be weird, but cause it's Wendi, it's not weird at all.
23. She will drive to our house at a moments notice if there is an emergency.
24. Like I said, she really is the nicer one.
25. We can have the worst fight in the world, yet the minute we look at eachother, we can't contain ourselves from laughing.
26. Oy and a gut - a
27. She is the most loving and affectionate person I know.
28. She puts up with my bullshit.
29. She really thinks she's still going to adore her dog just as much after the baby gets here.
30. She doesn't even realize that after the baby gets here, the dog will be the biggest pain in the butt in her life.
31. But let's not tell her, and spoil the surprise.
32. She has the coolest friends.
33. She was always protective of me when we were little, and all I knew how to do was cry.
34. Pretend you're asleep. (she'll get that)
35. She took the girls and me to Disneyworld in 1998, just because she felt like it. And when Hayley cried and wouldn't go on any of the rides, she stayed back with her while Sydney and I did everything together.
36. She's a good coach.
37. She has the best and biggest heart of anyone that i have ever known.
38. She is showing grace in her patience while she awaits the long overdue arrival of her little girl.
39. She is a loving, and very cool step-mum.
40. She turned 47 today, and she is so old, but she looks young so it doesn't matter.
Happy Birthday my Shish.

Can I go back to Orlando?

2008-04-14T09:17:00.005-04:00

I love Disney. I love the magic, how you feel the moment you step into the parks. The cleanliness, the wonderful service, the smiles. It rained much of the time we were there, but, we kept reminding ourselves, that a rainy day in Disneyworld is still better than a nice day at home.

Since we were there with only Addison, we were able to really appeal to her interests, and we did everything girly. She visited her "fairy godmother-in-training" at the Bippity Boppity Boutique, and received a makeover fit for a princess. We met Belle and the Beast, Cinderella, Snow White, et al. We enjoyed It's a Small World, a Pirate and Princess Party, parades, fireworks in Norway, belly dancers in Morocco.

Addie especially loved taking a drawing class at Hollywood Studio's (formerly MGM). A trained Disney Artist taught us step by step how to draw Disney characters. We loved it so much, we took three classes!

But for all of the magic and high tech fun, the most magical moment came just as we thought our vacation was over.

It was our last night in Florida. We were in the Hollywood Studio's park, we missed out on the closing show because it was raining. Feeling rather melancholy, we did a little shopping, and came to the realization that our vacation was really coming to a close. We gathered our sopping wet belongings and sadly started to make our way out of the park.

Suddenly, we noticed a line-up of strollers outside a theater, and music and blinking lights beckoned us to see what was happening. Inside, was a DJ, playing music for the 10 or 12 families that had gathered here. The children danced, and even though we felt a little silly in our raincoats and wet sneakers, we decided to join them. We danced to the music with Addie, and I giggled as I watched Gregg "boogie on down" in his enormous blue rain poncho, his wardrobe staple for the weekend.

I was completely caught of guard when Mickey, Minnie, Pluto and Goofy showed up to dance with us. If you've ever been to Disneyworld, you know, that you usually have to wait in mighty long lines, or pay for a "Character Meal" just for a moment with any of these characters, especially Mickey. But here they were, dancing with our family. At one point,Minnie even grabbed me, and hugged me as if I were her long lost friend. And even though I know that it's all for pretend, my heart still skipped a beat when they walked into the room. (Of course, don't even get me started on the Goofy thing, because, I still find him strangely attractive).

I don't know if this was a scheduled dance party, which it probably was, or if it was put together as a consolation to the few families that stuck it out at the park, but it felt like a rainy day at camp. When it rains at camp, we put together alternate activities to keep the kids busy. I like to call them "back pocket activities". They may not be the most well planned, costly or high tech, but we keep the campers engaged. And sometimes those rainy days are the most memorable, the rules somehow change, our demeanor, a little more relaxed.

I felt like this activity, as simple as it was, was put there just to keep the Disney guests engaged. Just when I was feeling like the day was a disappointment, they pulled this wonderful moment out of their back pocket. And for all the "imagineering", all of the beauty, the piped in music, the "fast pass" events, the gardens, the animitronics, the hidden Mickey's, the choreography, the fireworks, the laser lights and the make-believe, this simple little moment, with a turntable, my family and some Disney friends peppered in, was the highlight of our trip.

We're back!

2008-04-07T19:34:00.008-04:00

It was amazing quick and VERY rainy...but we had the greatest time...here are a few random pics so that my sister will stop pestering me.

This is Not an April Fool plus post script

2008-04-01T13:06:00.003-04:00

In an act of pure whimsy, and fun, Gregg and I are taking our littlest daughter on a quickie Disney vacation this weekend. I just made all my reservations and I'm nearly as excited as she is going to be when she finds out.

We're leaving her big sister's home, since they have had a lot of attention showered upon them lately, and we are going to be able to focus completely on Addie.

We've been to Disney before, Gregg and I went on our honeymoon, and we've taken the girls there 3 times. The last time we were there Addie was not quite two years old, and her only memories are from photos and videos. Gregg wants her to experience Disney magic before she becomes old and cynical (it's inevitable!!!)

Anyway, my darling niece is going to "baby"sit for the big sisters and its going to be wonderful!!!

So...we want to surprise her with this trip...now I've got to figure out a great way to break the news to her!

POST SCRIPT:

Okay, this is what we're going to do...at dinner tonight we are going to present Addison with this certificate directly from "Mickey" himself!!!

Tee hee!!

Okay

Yay!

Strangely Attractive

2008-03-28T14:29:00.015-04:00

There are certain things in life that I am strangely attracted to, and it occurred to me that a compilation of these oddities might be interesting(to me, at least).

Fonts. Some pay no attention to the selection of fonts, but I love 'em. My current favorite is one from my Print Shop Scrapbooking program called CK Journaling. Sydney recently showed me how to download famous fonts from DaFont.com, and that's totally cool. When I design marketing materials for my business, I have been known to spend hours selecting the perfect font. My business partner doesn't necessarily get it, buy I'm glad she loves me in spite of it.

Goofy. Wendi and I took the girls to Disneyworld when they were really little. At a Character breakfast, we were flanked by Minnie Mouse, Chip-n-Dale and the Goofy. Wendi and I both found ourselves strangely swooning over Goofy. Seriously. I'm not sure if the persona of the guy in the costume was that magnetic or it was just the costume, but ever since then, I blush a little when I see Goofy. ;)

The Posh Bob , aka the Pob. Okay, maybe not so strange to be attracted to this hairstyle, considering 80% of the residents of my township are wearing it, but I still am. I'm having an internal fight with myself not to get this haircut, but I like it so much. The problem I have with the do is that it's sooooo trendy. What looks completely chic today, will look completely dated in about 10 minutes. And it's sooooo popular. That's the other problem. I'm not one to go along with any crowd, and this particular style is definitely goes along with the crowd.

Good-N-Plenty Candy -

There's nothing like the crack of the sweet candy shell that exposes the chewy black licorice cylinder inside. I enjoy the Good-N-Plenty very much.

Swirl Tap-n-Buff - I started using Bare Minerals powder make-up about two years ago, and I still love it. It's the best.

Ugg Boots - I wouldn't let my children have them, cause they're expensive, trendy and unnecessary, but, whoops, I bought them for myself, and wow, I gotta admit, their awesome. Warm, comfy, and no socks necessary. I never want to take them off.

General Hospital - Started watching at age 14, when Laura first met Scotty and during the virus epidemic that was spread by Jeremy Logan (my friend Irisa just read this and laughed out loud). I still watch, almost every night at 10 on Soapnet, and I'll always love it.

Scrabble - its Scrabulous.

Hair and Make-up Products - I can't help it. When I'm in the store and I see a product that promises shiny hair, or smooth, younger looking skin I'm a complete sucker.

Craft Supplies - I have a Craft Room that is filled with cool supplies. When I walk into a Craft Store I go into a daze...I just love looking at the glue and the paint and the scrapbooking paper. Gregg would rather stick needles in his eyes.

Matching Socks - It seems like we have tons of unmatched pairs of socks, and I've been holding on to them for years. Cause nothings as good as matching up a pair.

Drug store Eyeglasses - Thank goodness for these cheap convenient sight enhancers...cause I lose them all the time.

The Obituary Section - I remember my mom reading it every morning, and I thought that was so weird. Now...I read it too. I guess that comes with age.

Other Random Stuff I love:

HGTV
Kathy Griffin
Le Mystere Bra
Baby Powder
Bounty Paper Towels (accept no substitute)
Chris Cuomo on Good Morning America
Project Runway
Valerie Bertanelli

Sorry Wendi, I Got NOTHING

2008-03-28T10:01:00.002-04:00

Wendi and I have a code, for when our last blog post gets stale.

UMS

This stands for Update, my Shish. (Shish is our code name for sister...she is The Shish ...da shish and I'm Little Shish or Lilshish) Shish is pronounced Sheesh.

Okay, now that everyone understands how very immature two forty something women can be, Wendi has made it known that my blog needs an update.

Yeah, okay, but it's spring break, and the kids are home, and I don't have anything all that earth shattering to write about.

Hmmm, let's see. Nope, nothing good.

So, for right now, I'll just go and make Addie's breakfast, but at least I've updated.

So there.

Connecting the Dots

2008-03-22T18:26:00.003-04:00

We had the unenviable task of attending the viewing and funeral for our young cousin David, who passed away earlier this week. Though he was Gregg's first cousin, we didn't know him well. When David was born, Gregg was already 26 years old, and on the cusp of entering his real adulthood. We were married and had our first child a few years later, so for most of David's life, we were in different worlds.

That's not to say we didn't know him. When he was very little, and I met him for the first time, we attended his big brother's First Communion. He was a very precocious little boy, and I was charmed by him. I knelt down in the kitchen to say hello to him, and as I greeted him, he took one look at me and smacked me right on the face. (The first and last time ANYone has ever done that to me.) I looked up stunned and a little embarrassed that I couldn't work my magic on him. I never mentioned it to his mommy and daddy, I didn't see the need, and I didn't want them to be upset by it, because I certainly wasn't, just a little stunned, I guess.

When he was older, we shared that story with him, and thought he had no recollection, he did apologize for his behavior.

For many years, on the night after Christmas, David's parents, would have the whole family over to celebrate and bond. David, a gifted musician, kept to himself, disappearing for long stretches, and then we'd see him sitting at the piano, alone in the living room, making music that seemed somehow beyond the reach of someone so young.

But, still, we didn't know him well. My older daughters certainly didn't. He was 7 or 8 years older than they are, so I'm sure neither party had too much interest at family gatherings. And so, we never really got the chance to forge a close relationship.

We took the older girls to the viewing on Wednesday night. The line wound around the funeral home and we waited in the stark quiet for our turn to greet the family, and view the body. As we approached the main area, we heard piano music. These were recordings of David's amazing music. Beautiful displays were set up, as a memorial. Gracing this area were his keyboard, a guitar, some favorite nick-nacs, a letter from his girlfriend, and pictures. Pictures from our family get togethers, soccer and baseball games, birthday parties, his sister's wedding.

We were in a couple of the pictures. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was, a little. These 40 or so pictures were a memorial to David, but really they were just the dots. Like the dots in a "Connect the dots" picture. We get to see the dots, but it is up to us to really fill in the blanks and to add color and life to the picture.

We got to see the significant moments, but his life was so much more. These are the things about him that I'll probably never know. The timbre of his voice, what made him laugh, a quirky mannerism, his favorite book, his favorite music. I know he played soccer, but what position. I know he had a girlfriend, but for how long and how serious? He was an Uncle, but was he around a lot? Was he like Aunt Wendi is to my girls?

I realize that's why I felt so odd about being in the photographic memorial to his life. We were there, given important billing, but we were probably not anyone he ever thought about.

But it does make sense. What we are to our family, even family we are not close to (and we all have extended family like that) is the bare bones of life. Family is what defines you before you ever can define yourself. And those moments, the soccer games, the piano recitals the family gatherings begin to give life it's shape. The rest was up to him. Just like the dots in that connect-the-dots drawing. How sad that this drawing never had the chance to really get finished.

Bat Mitzvah Synopsis

2008-03-18T09:20:00.005-04:00

I wanted to briefly journal some of my observations and musings about the B'not Mitzvah while they were still fairly fresh in my mind. I'm just going to list things as they pop into my head.

1. The Toe. Of course, the most trivial of matters, but just in case you wondered. When we arrived at the synagogue, I threw caution to the wind, and stuck my foot in the high heels. It hurt, but, surprisingly not that bad. The adrenaline pumped and kept me in those shoes for the rest of the day.
2. The Children. The Bat Mitzvah Girls were perfect in every way. They were behaved with poise and elegance on the bimah, and each completed all of her tasks with perfection.
3. Aunt Wendi. Looked stunning. Cried Buckets.
4. Gran-dad. Presented the Tallit to the girls, and, it was one of the most heartfelt moments of the day.
5. Grandmom. Stunning. I photocopied all of the speeches so she could follow along (since she is hearing challenged). As the girls spoke, I could here her chuckle a few moments before the punchlines were spoken. I'm so glad she got to experience their speeches.
6. Addie. Looked like a princess. When she was called to the bimah to open the ark, she ran up, fast as lighting. She had a slight meltdown at the reception. I think it was all a little much for her. If I had to do it all over again, I might have hired a babysitter to shadow her for the day, just to make sure she was taken care of. So I kind of feel bad about that.
7. My dress. Do you know how a lot of women look at the mirror and see an unrealistic view of themselves,(ie, they think they're really fat, but they are really not). Apparently, I have the opposite problem. I thought the dress looked nice, and I felt good about myself. I just saw the video, and eeeeeek, not so good. I think I was a Glamour Don't, and in the end, I'm very unhappy with my dress. My legs, according to my mom, however, looked good. I'll get over it, I think, what can I do now?
8. The Weather. March in the Northeast can be many things. Snow, springlike or somewhere in between. Of course we worried a lot about snow. What we forgot to worry about were monsoons. And we had one. It began around sundown Friday night, and lasted until sundown Saturday. So essentially the entire 24 hours of festivities. We managed well, however, when leaving the synagogue on the way to the reception, the rain came sideways under the protective awning area. My hair was destroyed. It also delayed us from getting to the reception and I'm pretty sure we lost a good 45 minutes of our cocktail hour.
9. The Cocktail Hour. The biggest disappointment. The food and drink were plentiful and tasty (I think) , but I requested that all 135 kids be separated from the adults for this one part of the event. Though I was assured that this would happen, it didn't. Again, can't do anything about it now, but I'm very disappointed.
10. The Decor. My heart skipped a beat when I walked into the reception room. It looked beautiful. I had made all the centerpieces, and they looked great. We also had a huge sign made professionally with the letters HC/SC (the girls initials), in the style of the AC/DC logo. It's now in my basement, and I'm not sure what to do with it :)
11. The Wii. My dear friend (the Ethel to my Lucy), worked her magic and gifted my family with a Wii system. I am now a Guitar Hero addict. Addison has mastered bowling, and I think Wii tennis is my favorite new activity.
12. Afterwards. We had out-of-towners, family and neighbors join us for a casual supper at the house. We also had 20 of the girls camp friends sleep over. That was probably too much. I was tired.
13. The Wine. I drank too much of it. Probably because I wanted to dull the big toe pain. I also forgot to eat. I was too excited. I didn't behave like a sloppy drunk, thankfully, but I kind of don't remember a good deal of the day. Ooops.
14. The Hora. Though I requested no chair-lifting for me, somehow, I went up. We watched the video and my daughter pointed out that I forgot to cross my legs. Who knew there was Hava Nagila etiquette. The last time I was up on a chair was my wedding day, and I had a long gown on. Oooops again.
15. My husband. Love him. Love him. Love him.
16. The Stomach Thing. Apparently, there was a fair number of people who attended who suffered from diarrhea and/or vomiting a couple days after the event. It didn't seem to be food poisoning, but rather a virus that made it's way through the crowd. I feel really bad about that one. Oooops again.
17. The Guests. I couldn't stop hugging people. Seeing everyone you know and love in one room is the most incredible feeling. And you know how usually a few people don't show up at the last minute? Not one No Show in the bunch. NOT ONE! Everyone was so gracious and seemed happy to be there. That was the greatest gift of all.
18. The End. That's it. I'm sure there is more that I forgot to write about, but as far as discussions about March 8, 2008...it is being officially put to rest.

Thank you for your patience!!! We will now be resuming our normal life.

Untitled

2008-03-16T11:27:00.005-04:00

Eleven years ago, I was a young overwhelmed mother of two beautiful little girls. Money was tight, and I was just trying to figure out how to get a grasp of the daunting task of being a stay at home mom, without going crazy. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself.

I had to have my gall bladder removed, and was scheduled for a same day procedure. Unfortunately, complications arose, and I had to be hospitalized for a full week, until I was healthy enough to go home. I spent a week, sustained by iv fluids and Demerol injections. This gave me more reason to feel sorry for myself, except, I didn't. As it turned out, those complications were the best thing to ever happen to me.

Maybe it was the lady in the bed next to mine. She had no family to visit her. She had complications on top of an already complicated health history. Yet she was grateful. For the friends she had made in the city. For her faith in G-d.

Perhaps it was seeing the face of my oldest daughter on the one day the visited me. When she came to my bed, and chattered about her adventures, I felt like I was looking at her for the first time. Every gesture, every word, I soaked it in. How beautiful and perfect she was, and in my daily routine, I'd forgotten to be grateful.

Or the walk I took in the hospital hallway. As I traveled slowly, in hospital slippers, attached by a needle in my thumb to my rolling iv, I couldn't help notice the other patients. They laid in gray rooms, alone. Staring blankly at blaring televisions. Alone. And then I came upon a room, filled with flowers and photographs, stuffed animals and construction paper artwork. And just as I thought, how lucky for that person, I realized, that person was me.

It hit me on that day, that I'm a princess. Not in a bad way. In the best way possible. I am completely blessed with love and health and family, and its always been there. I guess I didn't realize how lucky that made me. It was a simple fact of life, but oh my, not everyone has it so good.

I left the hospital, a little bruised and battered, but healthier than I have ever been. Grateful, finally for my blessings. Since that day, I have always called the experience the worst, best thing that ever happened to me.

This morning, we learned that Gregg's 21 year old cousin died, suddenly, inexplicably. Brilliant and musically gifted, he was battling addiction issues, but on the road to success. He leaves his parents, a brother, a sister, two nephews, a niece and his Grandmom (our Me-mom) Ruth.

They say every experience in life has a lesson. I don't like this one. I don't like that people that we love and care about are experiencing the worst kind of grief. I don't like the slightly nauseous feeling that I'm carrying with me today. I don't like that Gregg is so beside himself he doesn't know what to do. I don't like that my daughters feel sorrow.

But, will my daughters attend that funeral, and see first hand what drugs can do? Yes. Do I look around my overflowing house today, filled with the girls' friends and not feel overwhelmed? Yes. Do I look at my husband, who I spent the evening bickering with last night, and see him with extra tenderness? Yes. And I see my life, and remember again, how extraordinary it is. How what I normally perceive as mundane and overwhelming is really the greatest gift of all.

I don 't want this lesson. I don't want to feel this way. But, in times of sorrow, I have to find a way to process it. And this is the only way I can right now. I can be grateful for the blessings in our life, and be thankful for today, for we never know what will be tomorrow.

Moving up in the Blog World

2008-03-12T21:29:00.002-04:00

Now that the BM is over *that's bat mitzvah, not bowel movement, silly....I have to start focusing on my other job...running the art program at an overnight camp. This is a pretty time consuming task, year-round, as I get to plan a summers worth of programming for our campers.

I've been toying with the idea of a "Crafty Blog" . There are so many out there, but this one is specifically for kid crafts tailored for a group situation. We offer Arts and Crafts, Ceramics, Sewing, Jewelry, Cooking, Paper Crafting, Wood working and Rocketry, and there should be a little of everything included.

Though these are for my camp program, Girl Scout Troops, Birthday Parties Hosts, Room Parents might find some interesting ideas.

So, I hope you'll stop by, I'll be updating very frequently!

The Camp Art Lady (aka Everything's Better with Glitter)

Montage

2008-03-10T21:27:00.001-04:00

This is the video montage I made, about the girls. We showed it at the reception. :)

WE DID IT!!

2008-03-10T09:41:00.002-04:00

We made it, and it was spectacular. I want to post photos and the like, but for right now, I am posting the speech I made to the girls at the ceremony. Enjoy :)

When Hayley was born and the doctor said, “it’s a girl”, I was overjoyed. Not only was she healthy and beautiful, but she was a girl!! And truth be told, I really wanted a girl. So after giving birth to my first girl, I thought, that would be enough girls for me. But when I was expecting Sydney, I hoped for another girl even more. Why? Because Hayley had to have a sister. Having my own sister, I know in my heart how extraordinary that bond can be. So, I wished for that kind of relationship for my own daughters. As we know, we were blessed with out beautiful, healthy Sydney, and I have spent years trying to figure out, how I could have been so completely blessed.

Having two girls so close in age comes with a lot of challenges. Naturally,

everybody had advice about raising them properly. Never compare the two girls, they say, let them be individuals. So I have been careful never to compare one girl to the other, for fear that I might somehow traumatize their psyche.

So, here I am in front of everybody we know, and I am giving a speech about the wonders of my girls. How on earth can I avoid the inevitable comparisons?

I’ve considered this conundrum, and I gave thought to the Torah portion which Hayley and Sydney chanted so beautifully. Their portion describes the breastplate made for the high priest. The breastplate is composed of 12 gemstones set in gold, each representing one of the twelve tribes of Israel. Each stone is beautiful, but if we were to describe them, they can’t really be compared. They are too individual, too unique to possibly measure against each other. These stones, like my daughters can simply be appreciated for their own very unique attributes.

Hayley, your sense of determination will never cease to amaze me. As a baby, you were pretty fussy, and for a new mom, it was challenging. One day, in a mommy baby class, while all the other baby’s sat placidly on their blankets you were restless and unhappy. The leader of our group sought me out to comfort me. I know this is hard, she told me, but don’t worry, that baby is going to be the head cheerleader. She’s going to know what she wants, and know exactly how to get it. Boy, was She was ever right..

As a very little girl, you practiced for an inordinate amoun of time, just to master monkey bars, cartwheels, swimming… whatever the newest challenge, you faced it head on. Athletic and fearless, you are still willing to try anything, whether it’s a roller coaster, skiing or sushi. You recently decided you wanted to play piano, and even though you haven’t taken a lesson since you were six years old, you play. You hear a song, you think, “I can do that”, and then somehow, you figure out how to play it perfectly. This is a perfect illustration of your determination.

The road to this day has not been easy for you. But here you are, you persevered. We are so proud of you.

Sydney, the first thing I think with you, is your heart. When you were a baby, I wrote in your baby book, that you when you look at me, somehow I feel like you “get it”. That you understand what I mean, or need, or want. You still possess that kind of wisdom. You are an inherently empathetic person. You have the unique ability to figure out exactly what makes people tick, and then you are able to use that knowledge to get along with everyone that knows you. You have a strong sense of right and wrong, and when something isn’t right, you are not afraid to voice your opinion. Graceful in your manner, naturally charismatic, you like to play by the rules. There is a quote posted in your school, that says something like, “Having Character is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching” I always thought that was a beautiful description of… you.

And as different as you both are, there are characteristics, you share. You are both talented writers, and I hope you both embrace that gift as you grow up. Enthusiastic members of your school’s cheer squad, successful students, summer camp enthusiasts, text messaging experts. You are both creative, silly and loving. You are both adored by your family and friends but, most especially, by our littlest sister, Addison.

After this service, we are all going to leave the temple, and go to a party. Now, I’m sure we going to have a wonderful time, celebrating today, but I want you to know, that the party is not what this day is about. The party is a by-product of your journey. It’s how we celebrate your accomplishments, but the party is but a fleeting moment in your life. What we hope you remember most is right now, because this IS what today is about.

Remember the faces of your family and friends, as they share this moment with you. You are blessed to have people in your life that love you and care for you.

Remember the journey. Remember all the wonderful mitzvoth you did, and remember how you learned that doing something nice for others feels twice as good as doing something for yourself.

Remember how it feels to have your sister standing beside you, how comforting you two can be to one another. You will no doubt share many more milestones together. Some will be joyful, and inevitably, some moments will be sorrowful. Remember how blessed you are to have each other, (and Addison, too). You will be there to comfort one another for your whole life.

Finally, remember how it felt when you said your final blessing. Remember how good it felt to accomplish something that seemed insurmountable. There will be many other challenges you will face in your life, some even harder than today. But now you really understand that you really can do ANYTHING in life you set your mind to.

It may feel like you are finally done, but don’t be mistaken, this is really just the end of one big chapter. And how proud we are to be standing here with you as you begin the next chapter in your life.

May you always feel as loved as you are right now.

Tired Stream of Consciousness

2008-03-06T23:26:00.002-05:00

Soooo tired. All done. Can't forget to pick up my earrings tomorrow. I know I'm going to forget. Can't believe people are actually traveling here. Chicago, Georgia, California, Maryland, North Jersey, Narberth, Mt. Laurel. Can't believe people are actually buying outfits to wear. Everyone I spoke to told me how they bought a new outfit. I feel a little bad about that.

I have to speak in front of everyone, and it's just hitting me that I'm REALLY nervous. Like REALLY nervous. I have a lot to say, but maybe Wendi could pretend she's me and read it :)

Lost weight. Tee hee. That's what nerves will do. Put on my skirt for Friday night services, and it was WAY too big. Not to worry, I had an alternate plan.

Really excited to see everyone we know (almost) in one room.
Really excited to see my kids have fun.
Really excited to see Addison in her dress, which is so gorgeous, I can't stand it.

Gregg just found some baby wipes. Ooops, almost forgot we have to drop off the dogs. I hope no one calls last minute and can't come. I hope I don't forget the dvd montage, I worked my too-kie off on it.

My toe hurts. Why? (say it like Nancy Kerrigan in 1994) WHHHHHY? WHHHHHYYYY?

My friend is a doctor (Judy P.) and she said I should just take a lot of pain killers and suck it up. Sounds good to me.

Gregg just said some random hebrew words. LOLOLOL.

Nighty-night.

Nervous Stream of Consciousness

2008-03-05T21:27:00.002-05:00

Nauseaus, nervous, oh my god it's supposed to rain. Doesn't matter, doesn't matter. Then its going to be over...girls so cute. Addie so cute. I love Gregg. Mom and dad cried today. Nachas (not nachos, NaCHas...joy..pride). Gregg is such a good husband, he's so much better at this than me. The girls actually know their stuff. I'm getting a pedi/mani tomorrow. My toe hurts too much to wear a flip flop.

Nearing the end of this. Changed my speech, to make it shorter. Took out the stuff I said about my relationship with my sister. Needed to edit for time. The rabbi said so. So DA SHISH, the sentiment is there. Finished montage. Fine. Fine.

Have to clean the house, the cleaning ladies are coming. Burnt two fingers this afternoon, working with a hot knife. Duh. Careless me.

Hope we don't forget anything. Most especially, my mind.

I'll be fine. I'm just freaking a little.

Lost Dog, Part Deux

2008-03-03T08:44:00.003-05:00

Roxy Cleopatra (a whole lot of terrier), ran away again last night. Her owners reported that she escaped out of the back door at approximately 8:30 pm Sunday evening. Though spotted numerous times by her owners, running through neighbors yards, barking at stray cats and causing a scene in the neighborhood, she eluded capture.

Freddie Finkel, her common law spouse, a fat bichon frise, kept watch at the back window in hopes she might return. He spent a good part of the evening whimpering, and if he could speak, he would have said, "Roxy, come back, I need you baby".

Prayers were said by the children of the family. Hayley, the oldest, admitted that, even though she didn't pay a lot of attention to Roxy, she would really miss her if she didn't come back. Hayley and Sydney both agreed that the family should probably get another dog, but not a Cairn Terrier, next time.

Her owner, Gregg, tried to catch her in the neighbor's yard, but felt a little like peeping tom walking around other people properties at two o'clock in the morning. Instead he came in the house, and a decision was made to keep the screen porch door open and just wait.

At 5:02 am, Lori awoke, and decided to check the screened in porch, though groggy, she spotted the dog. Roxy was sleeping soundly on one of the cushioned patio chairs.

"All I kept thinking was, she knows where she lives!"

The family went back to sleep, feeling relieved and grateful that their prayers were answered.

Appreciation

2008-03-02T15:33:00.002-05:00

Just a little nugget of sweetness I picked up yesterday. We went to the dress shop, for a final alteration on Hayley's dress. She decided she would prefer to have straps, rather than wear her dress strapless.

The color of her dress is a pretty unusual shade of lilac, so I was a little concerned that they might not be able to help us. I needn't have worried. They found a match within seconds.

"That's amazing!" I exclaimed to the dressmaker as she pinned the straps on to the dress, "how lucky are we?"

She smiled at me and said, "It's because you appreciate".

Huh?

She went on to explain, that in all of her years of dressmaking and tailoring, it is always the customers who come in with cranky attitudes that they have the most trouble with. The customer is nasty, and then a seam doesn't come out straight, or a crease is wrong, or they can't find a proper match for a button.

The customers that come to her with gratitude and appreciation for her efforts, always have things work out for them.

Her theory has consistently proven itself to be true.

I've always felt like people respond better to kindness, and try to live my life like that. But now I have a new mantra to add, and I like it.

Appreciate.

xoxo

Home Stretch

2008-02-29T17:23:00.017-05:00

We are officially in the home stretch of planning for the big day. So much has been accomplished. Still quite a bit to do. I decided to make my final to do list on my blog, since I keep losing the random scraps of paper I've been writing on.

I do need some advice, so please (Susan, this means you) chime in anytime.

1. Call Caterer and order food for the "after" party (at my house) done! wraps,salad, sicilian pizza and blondies
-----try to figure out what exactly to order for 18 teens plus family
Get breakfast food for Sunday morning for 18 teens forget it dunkin donuts
2. Print service program gregg's problem!
3. Decide which font to us on the place cards. DONE!!!
4. Print out place cards. DONE!
5. Finalize table chart and seating chart. Do I put Gregg's mom's side next to the speakers or my cousin Frank's table next to the speakers. I don't want to insult anyone. DONE!!
6. Finish creating big giant table map for the entrance to ballroom done!
7. Get a lot of checks together
8. Make copies of all speeches, dvd, readings and contracts. Put them in a binder to bring to temple done!
9. Clean out the basement for 18 teens to sleep over in ALMOST DONE!
10. Buy paper goods for "after" party done!
11. Drop off gift bags to out of towners
12. Make mani-pedi appt for Aunt Wendi done!
13. Make hair appt. for Aunt Wendi done!
14. Get hair coloreed (appt is scheduled) done!
15. Get hair cut done!!
16. Pick up earrings from bank vault
17. Make reservations for Friday night din-din DONE!!!
18. Pick up Hayley's sports physical (not for bat mitzvah, but its due on Tuesday) done!
19. Make appointment for dogs to stay in kennel for the weekend done!
20. Get a birthday cake for my sister in laws b-day done!
21. Get a present for my sister in law's b-day
22. Take Hayley's dress to tailor to add straps (she changed her mind, mom) DONE!!
23. Finish writing famous song with Auntie Wendi almost done!
24. Buy tights for Addie done!
25. Email Rabbi, go over details of Addison's hebrew name for Friday Night Service done!
26. Buy Addie a little gift for her hebrew naming ceremony on Friday night done!
27. Get a new pair of reading glasses that won't look so obvious on me done!
28. Finish writing my speech done! - will publish this on blog next week :)
29. Burn dvd montage done!
30. Call bus company to make sure buses will show up at Temple on time done!
31. Take final table plans over to caterer.
32. Take final payment over to caterer done!
33. Ask mom if I can borrow necklace. Mom, can I borrow that necklace? done! thanks mom
34. Call invitation lady to order thank yous. done!
35. Make donation to synagogue in honor of the girls done!
36. Meet with mitzvah program coordinator to make sure the girls are good to go done!
37. e-mail friends and relatives who are doing a reading to remind them to come early, and to stand up and face the congregation when reading (irisa, consider this your reminder) done!
38. Take all decor over to caterer
39. Call balloon guy and give him final count
40. Buy some house plants. (we need some)
41. Make sure cleaning lady shows up on thursday she did...it's very clean
42. Meet with Rabbi on Wednesday for runthrough. Bring shoes for girls to walk in. done! forgot the shoes, whoops
43. Call hotel to finalize which out-of-towners are staying there.
44. Pick up Gregg's suit from cleaner done!
NEW STUFF
45. Rework tables a little, since we had a late no. Does any blogger friend want to join us, so they can sit at the Matisyahu table? (I'm not really kidding:)done!
46. Pick up Hayley's dress at dressmaker, now that they are putting on straps. done!
47. Finish cleaning basment done!
49. Go out to dinner with the family tonight. done!
50. Make appointment with Thyroid doctor (okay mom??) done!

New: 51 - Rework montage, because the music is too loud, as per videographer - done!!!
52 - Score place-cards -delegated! (to gregg!)
53 - Give final appoval to party favor lady done!
54 - Take Roxy to vet, so her rabies is updated, so she can stay in kennel done!
55 - Get the girls to finish their candlelighting poems done!

More -
56. - Meet with Mitzvah program coordinator to finalize the girls mitzvot done done done~!!
A few more:
57.Organize the house so that we are good to go on Friday done!
58.Get my mani-pedi
59.Gather all outfits, and then put them together, so everyone can find them
60.Pack moisturizer and an extra set of contacts for syd

MORE
61. Make earplug packs for guests. done!
62. Pack craft bag to take to the caterer to fix up centerpieces just in case done!

Did I forget anything? I'm sure I did. Seriously, I didn't expect this list to be sooo long. In fact, I think I just had a little nervous breakdown.

xoxo

What do you know, I'm Claire Huxtable

2008-02-27T11:58:00.004-05:00

Thanks to my blogger pal Amber who pointed out that I'm am not the first broken toe diva out there. This is an old episode of the Cosby show, where Claire had the very same dilemma as I currently do. (Okay, it wasn't Rudy's Bat Mitzvah, but you get the idea.)

And aside from the fact that this video was posted on you tube by someone who has an apparent foot fetish, it is somehow a comfort to know that a fictional character shares my conundrum.

A little bit of Fun

2008-02-26T09:15:00.007-05:00

I feel so bad for my littlest bunny, Addie. She's been getting a little overshadowed by her big sisters and Bat Mitzvah planning. We have to schlep her along to rehearsals, and clothing appointments and services and tutoring. It's hard to have special Addie time. She's been a good soldier, but the pangs of guilt I have are killing me!

Addison turned 7 on Saturday, so we had a practically Bat Mitzvah free day. My parents and my sister-in-law (and her wonderful bf Bill), and my beautiful niece Dawn came over to help us celebrate.

Aunt Wendi couldn't be there due to her winter cold/flu/bug, but, nevertheless, she called about 20 times to wish our princess a happy birthday...

Addison invited her best friend Jireh, (the 2nd cutest first grader we know) to spend the day with us. They even had a sleepover together. They were so good, so I told Jireh that she could come over anytime she wanted. This has now caused a ruckus in Mrs. Feeney's first grade class. When I stopped by yesterday to drop off birthday treats, all the other little girls wanted to know if they, too, could come over whenever they want.

Okay. I told them. Really sounding as if I meant it.

The best part of Addie's day might have been receiving her very own American Girl Doll from Wendi and the Grandparents. The doll she got has the very same hair color and style as Addie, so how cute is that??? Addie talking to Aunt Wendi on the phone as she opens her American Girl Doll. Doesn't it look like she's looking into a mirror?

My favorite part of the day actually happened the night before. Addie and I had the house to ourselves (the rest of the family was out), and we baked her birthday cake together. She chose the colors and the style and helped decorate it.

We made a mess. We licked the spoon. We even played with marzipan and made little mini-fruit. We sang songs as we took turns stirring the cake batter. We got food dye all over our fingers. We just had fun. And to be honest, I'm not very good at just having fun (I have to work on that)

mmmmm...looks good

Way too often in my life, I get stuck on the obligations. I have to make dinner, fold the laundry, pick up the kids, check my e-mail (okay that's not really an obligation, but the lull of the computer is like a magnetic force), return a phone call, work on the centerpieces, pay the bills. And all the while, sweet little Addie just wants to be with...me. Too often, I say, "in a minute, dear", or "no, I can't right now". It was really nice to put her at the very tippy top of the list, and put everything else on hold.

So this is my promise to my Addie...I will make "having fun" a top priority on my list of obligations. And who knows, with practice, I might actually get good at it.

Happy Birthday to my darling.

I guess I really am Done

2008-02-21T08:48:00.005-05:00

This post is prefaced with apologies to my expectant parent readers, both adoptive and biological (not that there are any...but whatever). I post this not to offend, I just came to a realization that I wanted to share.

Yesterday, Syd came running home from picking up Addie at the Bus Stop. "Oh my G-d", she cried, "you're not going to believe this!!"

"What's the matter????" (of course, in my family, we always jump to the conclusion that something is wrong at a moment like this)

"Mrs. X is going to have a baby!!!" (The name has been changed to protect the pregnant)

(Now, this is the part where I should have been jumping for joy, spinning with glee. I should have had visions of booties and baby bottles dancing in my head. And all I could say was:)

"Why?"

Could I be more of a Bee-Yatch???? W0w. Of course, I'm happy for her, and her family. A BABY!! This will be her number three.

There used to be a day where I would hear the news of an impending arrival, and feel the teensiest bit jealous. I would long for the sweet innocence of new motherhood, diaper bags, A&D ointment, baby monitors, baby shampoo, baby poop, even a little fussy colic. That magical time in a mommy's life where you are (at least in one person's eyes) PERFECT. You sing like a bird, you are the prettiest mommy on the block and you don't even have bad breath.

Today, I just don't feel any of that longing. I'm happy for her. But it stops right there. No longing, no jealousy. Actually a little relieved to be done with that part of my life.

As a young woman, in the work force, my goal was simple. I wasn't looking to be the Vice-President of my department, I wanted to find the love of my life, get married, have babies and live happily ever after. I made career choices. I didn't work late every night. I usually left right on time. I made a conscious decision to focus on my personal life instead of my professional life. I didn't need career success.

My choices actually worked. At 25 I met my Gregg (the cutest boyfriend I ever had!). By 28 we were married (a fairy tale wedding). Hayley was born when I was 4 months shy of my 30th birthday. Baby number 2 came just 19 months later. This was right on schedule. (Just how I wanted it).

When baby number two was 5 years old I had a new choice. Was I ready to be done being a mother to babies? Was I ready to be a PTA mom? Could I go back into the work force now?? The answer, a resounding NO!! I was not done with diapers. I wanted more sippy cups and cheerios!

Baby number 3 came when I was 37. A perfect little girl. With a head full of hair and personality plus. (The picture on the right was taken hours after she was born, just as she was meeting her big sisters for the first time...this is my favorite picture in the world...I feel like I'm holding a bouquet of beautiful little girls) Motherhood this time was a little different. I wasn't the only mommy in the house any more. Baby number 3 had one mommy plus 2 junior mommy's to love and nurture her.

As she got older, I started to get back in my own groove. I discovered that I didn't want to ignore my artistic talents anymore. I discovered that I had value beyond (trying to be a) perfect mother.

And now the littlest one is about to be 7 years old. Really, truly, NOT a baby anymore. And I ask myself again, "am I really ready to stop being a mother to babies?" The answer this time is ABSOLUTELY!!!! I have lived that part of my life, and I am excited to discover this new chapter. I'll continue to have plenty of things to baby..my home, my family, my camp job, my business and maybe even myself. But a baby? A real human baby? I'm really done.

Considering I had my tubes tied 3 years ago, thats a pretty good thing!!!

More exciting broken toe news....

2008-02-15T17:49:00.002-05:00

And you thought this was the "all bat mitzvah all the time" network. Now, this is the blog that specializes in providing information to anyone interested in middle aged women with bone fractures planning a large scale party.

So, since I'm going to be sporting the boot and one high heel on the big day, my friend Alison had THE BEST idea.

I am going to make a Cover for my walking boot!! Basically, I'm going to attempt to embellish some bad bridal satin, and fit it over my boot. I'm going to whip out the sequins and rhinestones, so it'll be extra pretty/tacky (take your pick)...

She also wants to decorate the cane I'll be using, .. but I'm not sure how to do that...hmmmm.

Okay, that's it for now, but I'll be sure to post pics of (as Alison called it) the Toaster Cozy for my foot. (I think we should call it a Toe-Ster Cozy...)

:)

Lesson's from a Broken Toe

2008-02-12T12:27:00.000-05:00

I believe everything unfortunate (albeit kind of funny) happens in order to teach us a lesson. Now that 4 days have passed since the INCIDENT, I feel I have already learned a few lessons.

In no particular order, here they are:

1. When you break a toe, even though it is a real bone, there are some people who aren't going to be able to keep themselves from laughing at you.
2. Crutches stink, however, they are more effective than a gym membership, based on the full body work-out you get merely by hobbling to the bathroom.
3. Even though I thought I had the world's ugliest feet (yes, Fred Flintstone ones), I apparently have very nice feet. This I learned from what I consider to be an expert in the field of feet, my new podiatrist. He actually seemed sincere about this.
4. There are not enough places in the world, (ok, southern new jersey) that are handicapped accessible. Particularly, my podiatrist's office, which was a bear to handle.
5. I now understand why handicapped bathrooms and showers have long handlebars on the walls.
6. It takes 6 weeks (on average) for a broken toe to heal. This brings me to the big lesson that I haven't yet learned...(HELP)!!!!

HOW AM I GOING TO LOOK GLAM ON THE BAT MITZVAH???? IT ISN'T POSSIBLE...CAUSE NOW I DON'T LOOK AS MUCH FRED FLINTSTONE AS I DO FRANKENSTEIN...

MY DRESS IS KNEE LENGTH, THERE'S NO HIDING IT...I am rather inspired by these red carpet photos...do you think I should rock the high heel /walking boot or should I get a pair of flats and have both legs look ugly. I think I'm leaning toward the high heal/slash walking boot...hell, if Rihanna can do it, and George Clooney's girlfriend, I certainly can!!!

This Little Piggy Went to Market

2008-02-09T00:24:00.000-05:00

Today started out pretty good. All three girls went to school, no one overslept, I got a shower and I was out of the house early to run errands.

I made a $59. purchase at Staples, but only paid $20. thanks to coupons. Hooray for me!

I went to a different supermarket today, just to add some variety to my routine (which sometimes feels so stale I want to scream!!), and was so glad I did. I guess I didn't realize how overpriced my normal stomping ground can be.

I picked up my bat mitzvah shoes from the shoe store, they have been dyed to match my dress.

So I'm checking things off my list, one by one.

Come home, unload groceries, and as I'm stuffing the pantry with jars of spaghetti sauce, (purchased on SALE...10 for $10.00!), I made the mistake of over stuffing the pantry...and the jar flew out, and landed on my big toe. You know, the Little Piggy that went to Market.

Bottom line, I broke my toe!

I'm on crutches now, which totally sucks. And all I keep thinking about is whether or not I'll be healed by the Bat Mitzvah. (How attractive my dress will look with crutches and my big old Fred Flintstone foot hanging out...oy!)

I still can not believe this!!!

Letting Go

2008-02-06T22:51:00.000-05:00

We met with the cantor today, to review the torah portions, haftarah portions, blessings etc. The girls did so well, and after nearly a year of sweating and studying, one daughter is completely done, and one daughter is nearly done. Wow. They are so proud of themselves, you can literally see they are a lighter and less anxious than even a month ago. It is such a torturous process, what, with having to be serious and learn to read ancient text, attend hebrew school, shabbat (sabbath) services, do loving deeds and community service, not to mention go to middle school and once in a while (okay, more often than that) just be a girlie girl and hang with friends.

But here they are, on the other side of the mountain, and they just have to practice and perfect to be ready for their big day, just 32 days away.

As I watched them chant in the cantor's office, I kept my mouth shut. If they messed up, I could not make excuses for them, if they did well, I could take no credit. I was just an outside observer. And for the first time, it occurred to me that as they continue to grow, I'll become more of an observer and less of a contributer.

Up until now, I have had a certain amount of control in the decisions of their lives. Dance lessons, piano or gymnastics? Checking to make sure homework is completed, preparation for tests complete, where we shop, what they wear, what they eat, whether or not they attend hebrew, which movies they can watch, etc etc.

As they mature, I am learning I have to give up some of that control. They are at the point in their life, where they need to be responsible for many of their own choices. So often, I want to jump in and say No!...but I feel like they have to make their own mistakes, solve their own problems.

Yesterday, we met with Hayley's future guidance counselor, to make course selections for High School. (Yes, HIGH SCHOOL!). She had a lot of choices. Accelerated or honors courses, geometry or algebra, music theory or graphic design. I certainly gave my opinion, but in the end, she is building foundation for her own education and future. She has to have final say. (She chose honors spanish, honors algebra, accelerated biology, basic musicianship/guitar lessons) I had to let go. Nothing could be more heart wrenching. But I better get used to it.

We are not raising children, we are raising adults. To hover too much, to baby them too much, robs them of coping skills. I want them to be able to cope with whatever life throws at them.

I guess, whether or not I can cope with watching them grow up, is another story altogether.

P.S. Isn't it ironic, that when my sister adopts her baby girl, her focus will be on attachment. At the very same time, my focus will be letting go.

Levels

2008-02-05T09:08:00.001-05:00

Well, look at me, you have to be pretty darn smart to read my blog.

Movie Reviews

If you really want a kick, check out Addison's Blog and see her level. My my.

44 and staying

2008-02-01T13:16:00.000-05:00

Ouch. I'm 44 today, happy birthday me!

I want to thank my sister for writing the funniest birthday wishes ever...i love them (although you have not sung me the birthday song yet :)

I want to thank my daughter Addie for a beautiful card and a homemade purse.
I want to thank Hayley for letting me cuddle and watch Friends together last night
I want to thank Sydney for telling me she loves me 4 times before leaving the house (today and everyday)
I want to thank Gregg for getting me a robe that I don't want to take off cause its so cuddly and stuff.
I want to thank my mom (and dad) for being the first call of the morning today and every day
I want to thank KJo for being my almost sorority sister
I want to thank Irisa for being the most faithful yet anonymous blog reader I have
I want to thank Facebook for reminding everyone in Facebook World that its my birthday
I want to thank Adobe for creating Photoshop Elements, cause I love it.
I want to thank Heidi for calling me while her class was empty
I want to thank the other Anonymous Blog reader for posting a comment on my blog yesterday, that humbled me (and creeped me out a little. :)
I want to thank G-d for the abundance of my blessings. I'm so grateful.

All Bat Mitzvah All the Time

2008-01-31T08:39:00.000-05:00

Five weeks away, and I'm now in it completely. I'm sorry.

When we set out to do this, I was determined not to "over-do" the party. I don't want to be one of those parties that takes what is basically a 13 year olds birthday party and turns it into a wedding. But as I'm going through it, I'm realizing the over-do-ing of the party is really a matter of perspective.

My girls have been in the bar/bat mitzvah circuit and are completely jaded by the experience. The touches that I feel are above and beyond necessary are, to the girls, completely expected and basic. Crazy.

I'm trying to throw a party that will make 130(plus) kids happy, 100 (plus) adults happy and I'm learning that this is probably impossible. I want balance, and simplicity. I'm not so sure that's what we're going to get. But I'll keep trying.

Anyway, I'm still over the moon with excitement, and when this is over, I'm going to miss the constant conversations, planning, and anticipation. Isn't there a saying that "Life is what happens while you are making plans" ? That is so true, and that's why this part of the process is just as much fun as the day itself.

cause my mom said so

2008-01-27T15:19:00.000-05:00

All my readers. All three of you. (Maybe four) You all want to see the dress, but my mom said I'm not allowed to show a picture. So, I won't. Cause she said so.

Airplanes and wide shoes

2008-01-25T13:21:00.000-05:00

Sydney is off to Chicago this weekend to attend her camp friend, Rikki's Bat Mitzvah. She is going with three other camp girls and two mom's, and they'll be staying at a chic Chicago hotel.

Because I go with them to camp in the summer, I have had little experience not being nearby my daughters. And now, Syd's on an airplane, and I'm just holding my breath that she'll arrive safely, not to mention warmly (it's COLD!!). As parents, we have to raise our children to be independent, and self sufficient so that adulthood doesn't knock them to the ground. As much as I want her to stay with me this weekend, I'm excited that she's having her very own adventure without me.

In other news, I found a pair of shoes for the bat mitzvah. I know that doesn't sound so momentous, but with my wide flat (aka) Fred Flintstone feet, finding shoes that fit is a major accomplishment. Anyway, this is a picture of them, they are going to be dyed to match the dress...but this is them in white. The material is a bridal satin-y stuff. BTW, did you know you can spend $300 plus on a pair of dyeable shoes? I cannot even imagine. I did not spend $300. on the shoes, naturally, but I got really nice service at Best Foot Forward in Cherry Hill. They were able to stretch the shoes so that they would be more comfy, and they are also going to take a sliver off the heel, to make them a little less difficult to walk in.

Are these shoes my favorite things ever??? Not a chance, but they fit, they will match when dyed, and it's now one less thing on my ever growing list of things to do.

Wendi, do think these will be okay? Please say yes, because they don't take returns!!!

Do you think I should post a pic of the dress? Or should I leave that as a surprise????

xoxo

Bursting with pride

2008-01-22T18:36:00.000-05:00

We had our first Rabbi appointment today with the entire family to discuss the B'Not Mitzvah, which is just 6 weeks away...can you believe it? Our Rabbi, is wonderful, everything you would wish for in a spiritual leader, brilliant, yet personable, with a kind and gentle demeanor. I feel so proud to be part of this congregation and equally as proud that he is our leader.

The girls read aloud to the Rabbi their "D'var Torah" speeches. These are pretty in depth speeches which relate the Torah portion they are reading on their Bat Mitzvah day, to their own lives. Though I might have given the girls some suggestions with regard to grammar and spelling, the speeches they wrote were all their own words and thoughts.

Though I do not wish to share details today about the themes of their speeches, I have to say, I am bubbling over with pride at their beautiful accomplishment. By the time they were finished reading, both Gregg and I were dabbing away the tears.

I was so pleased that the Rabbi expressed how well they had written these speeches. He said, sometimes when the kids write, you can tell that they are just going through the motions. But, it was evident, that both of the girls gave a lot of thought to what they were saying, and wrote with honesty and intelligence.

After it was over, Sydney remarked that she felt ON TOP of THE WORLD. I reminded her, that if she felt like that with simply a visit to the Rabbi, imagine how she will feel when she is in front of her family and friends.

I know I kvetch a lot about the trials of parenting. But today, was truly a highlight. I am so proud of what they have accomplished so far, and proud to be their mom.

:)

Clark Look-alike Meter

2008-01-17T10:22:00.001-05:00

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Geneology

Clark Look-alike Meter

2008-01-17T10:19:00.001-05:00

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Blank family tree

The A to Zed of Me...

2008-01-17T09:45:00.001-05:00

I have a confession. I have a couple blogs that I stalk. I found this one blog, of this totally adorable woman in california. i found her after my doc found a thyroid nodule last year. I panicked a little (okay, a little more than a little) and started to do the "diagnose myself on the internet thing". (COME ON, ADMIT IT, YOU'VE DONE IT TOO). Anyway, I found Amber's blog, after she had just been diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. Of course, I had to check in every day to see how she was doing. (She's doing fine, by the way)

Anyway, she has a great sense of humor, and, though I no longer check in with her every day, I do go on now and then, just to get an update.

Today, she had a cool post. The A to Zed of me. And for lack of anything all that interesting to write about, I thought I would do the same thing.

1. A is for age?
43 (hanging in for another couple of weeks)

2. B is for beer of choice?
Don't really drink beer. B is for boring

3. C is for career right now?
Camp Art Director, Bloggy Stay at Home Mom, Party Planner (one party only), Face Painter, Snuggly Seller

4. D is for your dog's name?
Roxy Cleopatra Clark, and Freddie Finkel Clark

5. E is for essential item you use everyday?
Bare Minerals foundation

6. F is for favorite TV show at the moment?
Project Runway, American Idol

7. G is for favorite game
Poppit

8. H is for home town?
Now or where I grew up?

9. I is for instruments you played?
Piano and for a year, trumpet

10. J is for favorite juice?
V-8

11. K is for whose ass you'd like to kick?
That's not nice.

12. L is for last place you ate?
My kitchen

13. M is for marriage

15 1/2 really good years.

14. N is for your full name?
Loopy J. Clark

15. O is for overnight hospital stays?
MANY! 3 babies, surprise appendix, gall bladder, NOSE JOB...probably more

16. P is for people you were with today?
just the kids

17. Q is for quote?
Everything's better with glitter or "i could totally do that"

18. R is for biggest regret?
Dropping out of college, not pursuing my passion in college (whatever that would have been)

19. S is for superstition.
I have to say goodbye and I love you to everyone when they leave, or I'm afraid something bad will happen to them.

20. T is for time you woke up today?
6:50. 7:01. 7:09

21. U is for underwear you have on now?
private

22. V is for vegetable you love?
Edamamme, Cabbage,Broccoli, Spinach.

23. W is for worst habit?
Procrastination without a doubt (do you know all the things I should be doing now???)

24. X is for x-rays you've had?
Nose, arm, neck, teeth

25. Y is for yummy food you ate today?
A fuji apple. it was really good.

26. Z is for the zodiac
Aquarius

A is for

top reasons planning a b'not mitzvah is not as much fun as planning a wedding

2008-01-08T16:46:00.000-05:00

10. my parents aren't paying for it
9. my daughters don't understand what a "b" list is
8. i'm too cheap to pay $50. per centerpiece, so i'm making them myself, which is really more than i am capable of
7. the place we're having it is still under construction AAAARRRGGGGHHHH
6. i have to shop for shoes, outfits, shrugs for me and three daughters
5. schlepping to the synagogue for tutoring every week and sitting on the girls to do their torah studying, their mitzvot, their dvar torah writing
4. keeping track of the ever changing guest list ("but mom, she's like my BEST friend)
2. worrying that everyone will stay healthy
1. it was a lot more fun trying on size six wedding dresses than size (secret) "mother of the bar mitzvah" dresses,

Soon, your dreams will be a distant memory

2008-01-03T11:50:00.001-05:00

Dear Wendi,

We got a chance to catch up with our former next-door neighbors last night. They lived in our neighborhood only a year and a half, and then they moved away. Though, I still haven't gotten over the loss (5 years later), it was wonderful that they stopped by with their beautiful daughter Victoria to spend time with us over the weekend.

Victoria is 9 (almost 10) years old and was adopted as a newborn from Vietnam. When I first met her family, she was a feisty and beautiful 3 year old princess, who Hayley and Sydney loved to dote upon. They loved and adored her as much as they loved her parents Terri and Tony. They spent hours playing at their house, baking cupcakes, doing art projects and fussing with Victoria. Addison was a nursing newborn at the time, so the support I received from the family was greatly appreciated.

When Terri and I first met, she showed me photos of her adoption of Victoria. She spent a month, by herself in Vietnam and Thailand, before she could bring the baby home. At the time, those photos were so interesting, but I couldn't even begin to fathom the angst, the heartache, and the long wait they had to adopt this precious baby. Now, that I am a future Aunt of an adopted baby, the whole story has come to life for me.

Last night, Terri retold us the details of her experience. They started their process in China and ended up in Vietnam. They received one referral, a 9 month old, who they were later told died of pneumonia. Then, just as Terri was ready to give up, the agency called. They had a brand new baby girl in need of a mommy and daddy. Of course, it had a happy ending, but what they endured to get to the ending was grueling.

My favorite part of her story, and I hope she doesn't mind me sharing it here (heck, it's not like I have a big readership anyway!), was the moment she received her baby. She was with a group, and 30 minutes after they arrived in the country, they were told to board a bus, because a couple of the babies were ready to be picked up. They specified who the babies belonged to, so Terri brought along her video camera to tape the arrival moments of those in her group.

The first baby came out, a pudgy 7 month old with wild hair, and they were blown away as they watched her meet her mommy and daddy. They waiting a little longer and then Terri saw a tiny newborn being brought out. As she wondered, "whose baby is that," they handed her over
to Terri, and said, "this is your baby". She was completely floored. Can you imagine??????

Fast forward 10 years, and here's Victoria. Hip-Hop dancer, hair down to her waist, and a smile that lights up the room. Years ago, when she lived here, Hayley and Sydney would dote upon her, as Addie would sit in my lap. Last night, it was Victoria, doting upon Addison, playing with make-up (thanks Wendi), messing up the basement and eating cookies together.

I still cannot really fathom what you are going through, but one day, your life will be wonderfully MUNDANE. And I mean that in a good way. You're concerns are going to be how you are going to get through homework, carpooling and schlepping, parent-teacher conferences, playdates and best friend squabbles.

Terri said she used to get so upset with the wait. And so frustrated. And her husband told her, the stress isn't going to change the wait. So just wait. (And wait and wait and wait) It will turn around. It will all be okay in the end. Wendi, be grateful for the wait. It has brought you new and wonderful friends, an opportunity for you to re-invent your career and time to readjust to who you are going to be. I know is sucks, but please know that in the end, this will all be but a memory.

Resolutions

2008-01-02T08:38:00.000-05:00

On the topic of New Years Resolutions (or Revolutions as so eloquently stated by Addison and Wendi), I thought I might reflect upon a few of my own...quickly, cause I have to get to the supermarket, make 3 doctor/orthodontist appointment, return 2 e-mails, fold the laundry, empty the trash, continue making Bat Mitzvah Centerpieces, start on the slide show for the bat mitzvah, help the girls complete their mitzvah projects, sign my contract for camp, get together with my friend stacey for the first time in a year, explain to her why its been a year, design place cards that look like back-stage passes, stuff invitation envelopes, buy stamps for the invitations, finalize my guest list, get the dogs in the house, get dinner started, call my business partner, get two Snuggly events started, organize Sydney's closet, cause she won't do it herself, spray paint the curly ting ting...

Okay I only have time for one resolution.

I resolve to get myself better organized. So I can do all I have to do with ease and fluidity. So I don't loose my cell phone or car keys just as I walk out the door. So I don't feel the need to agonize over ever decision, even the little ones. I will make lists, keep calendars, and not lose time doing stupid things. Speaking of which, I think I'm losing a little time right now.

Gotta go live my life.

xoxo

Bed and Breakfast, and Lunch, and Dinner, and Breakfast, and Chauffer, and entertainment

2007-12-23T11:43:00.000-05:00

We are hosting a group of Hayley's camp friends for the weekend. I was looking forward to getting to know them a little better, sitting around the dinner table, listening to their cute teenaged conversations, and providing a warm and inviting place for the girls to re-bond and re-connect.

I spent the morning at Genuardi's yesterday, carefully meal planning for the next three days, (not to mention buying last minute X-Mas gifts), with, I dare say, visions of happy teens dancing in my head.

I have now served three meals, and 75% of those I am serving aren't even interested in eating what I've prepared. Reheating pre-packaged mashed potatoes and plain pasta would have been enough.

They barely sit still long enough to finish their food, and g-d forbid they can carry on a conversation with anyone but eachother. Any little funny joke I make goes over like a lead balloon. (Oh my g-d, I'm the embarrassing mother). They left the dinner table last night, and not one little guest bothered to clear her (paper) plate and (plastic) silverware.

They were bored, within an hour or so, and then the conversation went to, can we go to the movies? (Why can't you just rent something, or for heavens sake, why not watch a movie in our own library?) Or, maybe, they can have people over. Okay, I acquiesce, how about three or four. A half hour later 9 more people walk in the house.

They hung out fairly quietly *okay, I admit it, i did fall asleep for an hour watching Shrek with Addie*, but I woke up to the sound of Conner (name changed to protect the family's good name) chasing Christina around the house with a toilet plunger.

The camp girls slept til 11, then joined us for brunch. Again, my cooking was not a hit. Instead of french toast bread pudding with warm maple syrup, the girls mostly ate life cereal. And as we sat around the breakfast table, I realized that they had no interest in our company, they saw just eachother. And their cell phones. At one point during the meal, each girl was busy talking or texting on her cell phone. It was obnoxious.

Anyway, I only have another day, til we redeliver them back to their parents. I'm glad to provide an opportunity to be with their pals, but I kind of wish I felt appreciated. Instead, I feel a little like the hired help.

Oy, this was depressing, didn't mean for this to sound so sad. I'm really not, just needed to vent and one day remember what a giving mommy I am.

xoxo

Okay

2007-12-13T09:47:00.000-05:00

Is it okay to just be fine? Lately, I'm running into a lot of people, people from my past, people I once knew and know now and it has occurred to me, I'm really boring. At this point in life, people have so much baggage and drama! I have comfort and security (not that I'm complaining), but I feel a little like the odd man out.

"What have you been doing for the past 25 years?" I have (select what you like:) traveled around the world/married and divorced/ adopted from another country/received my masters and phd/ been a doctor - lawyer in space/ wrote and performed on my own cd/ learned how to play the guitar/ met fascinating people/ earned a lot of money/ lived independently/remarried/ refurbished a house/ left my career to seek my dreams/acted in community theatre/worked for a secret government agency/opened my own restaurant/have a huge social circle/moved to another state/ moved to another country/started my own charitable foundation/starred in an independent movie/found a cure for the common cold/gave birth to a child prodigy/ invented post-it notes/wrote a screenplay/bred weimereimers/kept up with my blog/all of the above.

I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I REPEAT - NOT COMPLAINING. But it almost feels like, "I got married, have three kids, 2 dogs, one fish and a mini-van/my laundry never gets done/I host Thanksgiving and Passover/never miss Project Runway and American Idol/go to summer camp/visit the Genuardi's twice a week/never miss a parent-teacher conference/make my kids buy their lunch instead of brown bagging it/keep up with my facebook" sounds just...I don't know, boring?

To be honest, though, this is everything I every wanted. I don't set the world on fire, but there is dinner on the table every night, security, comfort, a bundle of I LOVE YOU's every day and a little teenaged aggravation to spice it up.

Frankly, I feel like I'm living proof of happily ever after.

I'm Back, I think

2007-12-10T16:46:00.000-05:00

I haven't been writing, cause I haven't felt like it. Life is complex, parenting is complex, and I'm not always in a good "bloggy" kind of mood.

But I realized today, if Susan (Wendi's friend) can be blogging from Russia while adopting her (beautiful) little girl, I can find I few minutes in my kitchen to say a few words.

Latest news in my life:
I joined the gym. I hate it, but I love my husband, so I'll show up now and then.
Bat Mitzvah is nearing, I'm getting nervous, but I'm so excited. The girls are starting to step up to the plate.
Half of my family has now decided to be vegetarians. Whoo hoo. Dinner's are going to be fun to cook.
Nutri-System gets really old after a few months.
I found my old pal, from high school, Sue. We'd lost touch years ago, and I found her by way of youtube. Boy, 25 can melt in an instant when talking to someone so dear.
Facebook is my latest obsession.
I organized all of our cd's and dvd's so now we can find them.
Cleaned out the freezer yesterday. Found year old roast beef. Can't serve it anyway cause I'm living in a house of vegetarians.
Found amazing video of Lionel Hampton featuring dear "Uncle" Milt Buckner. I can't get over it. Milt is the piano player practically jumping out of his seat. He was a fixture in my childhood, staying with us when in the Philly area, and always as warm and loving as can be. I don't think I ever understood, until very recently, what an extraordinary talent he was, and how privileged we were to have him in our life. He died in 1977 (I think), and although we weren't related by blood, I will always remember him as part of our family.

Happy Halloween

2007-10-30T11:21:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in a long time, because life has been busy and extremely challenging. (When I say Colic was Easier, I"M NOT KIDDING!!!!)

Anyway, I had to share this amazing video made by a co-worker of my hubby. He is an incredibly talented (and extremely nice) guy who carves pumpkins every Halloween that will AMAZE you.

How is it that some people are so gifted??????

Enjoy!

Survived

2007-10-06T09:25:00.001-04:00

We survived Hayley's birthday party.

The kids, spent their evening jumping on the trampoline, playing on the swingset, bouncing balls in the basement and throwing food.

(Note to self, next time I let my kid have a party, I will not place an unsupervised buffet in the basement).

There is Chex Mix in every crevice of the Berber Carpet in the Basement. There are grape tomatoes in between sofa cushions. There is celery stuck to the ceiling.

According to Hayley, it was the greatest party ever. Why? Because they had a huge food fight.

Glad we could oblige.

On the plus side, I limited my daughter to the number of participants, and she complied. In fact, as the parents were picking the kids up, I spotted a couple of party crashers in the front of the house. ("Hi Mrs. Clark, we thought we should stop by") Who lets there kid prance around the neighborhood at 10:30 at night?

She received a TON of money. These kids were very generous, which was not at all necessary, but now she can pay for her own clothes.

Her friend Halle brought a 1/2 gallon of milk (meelk), and it was skim. Yay.

We got to spend the evening with Sam and Lisa, who helped chaperone. Thank G-d. We couldn't have done it without them.

So, except for the fact that our house lost some of its value due to the mess in the basement, and the fact that the neighbors probably want to strangle us, it wasn't to bad.

We made it.

One down, how many more to go????????????????????????????

Terrified

2007-10-05T16:24:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to my Hayley who has turned 14 today. OY is right.

I'm getting the house ready for 20 of her closest 13/14 year old friends (boys and girls) to hang out with her.

I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared. What do I do with them? Do I have enough food? Are they going to play kissing games? I hope their parents pick them up on time. I hope they don't destroy my house.

Why am I so scared? I used to be 14 years old, and I wasn't nearly as cool as this group of friends. I hope I can handle this!!!!!

Arrrrrggghhhh!

Loopy's Big Day

2007-09-30T18:53:00.000-04:00

I had the most wonderful weekend. My youngest played soccer on Friday night, my middle attended two Bar Mitzvah's (her first as a 7th grader, but she's been to five already), and I packed up my oldest and her pal and drove to Secaucus on Saturday Morning to attend an event my sister had organized. The guests were all families in the process of adopting babies from China, which is an amazing, but very slow process. I got the best job of the day, which was entertaining the children, who needed to be kept busy, so their parents could gather information from the three speakers my sis had lined up. (My sister is incredible).

About three years ago, I taught myself face-painting, and kept busy for a while at childrens birthday parties and fundraisers turning boys in to Spiderman, and the like and making princesses out of little girls. I even registered as a "certified clown" in order to obtain insurance. (My clown name, LOOPY) I gave up doing it professionally, as I had a lot on my plate with my other business, camp responsibilities etc etc.

But I was so happy to dig out my facepaints and work with these gorgeous little faces yesterday. They were such beautiful little girls, that I hated even covering them up. But they love it so much, and I think their parents got a kick out of it, too.

It's such a fun thing to do, I'm considering going back to it again, to make a little extra $$. I just have so little confidence in my skills, that I feel guilty accepting money. That's ridiculous, I know, its just how I am.

It was a great change of pace, it was great to meet my sisters wonderful friends, Susan, Audrey, Jean, Chris and Ruth (and plenty of others). It was amazing to be around people who are expectant parents, in the very beginning of their journey. (Maybe one day, they'll REALLY understand my "Colic was Easier" theory. ) I was told I look like Melissa Gilbert, which I've heard before, but really don't see). I got to meet Jeff Gammage, a Philadelphia Inquirer writer, and the author of an amazing book, China Ghosts. (I recommend it highly, heartfelt and beautifully written, I couldn't put it down). I can't say I've ever gotten to shake hands with an author whose book I've read. (Wait, I take it back, I got to meet Jennifer Weiner, In Her Shoes, Good in Bed, etc. but this was still really cool).

I got to spend some nice quality time with my oldest daughter and her best pal. They are so cute together, they laugh at silly things, stay up late, listen to music, sing songs and go on the internet constantly. They were absolutely adorable.

So, thank you to my sister, for including me in your endeavors, being supportive of me, my children, my business and my diet. l for the wonderful opportunity and fun day. It was perfect.

Lost Dog

2007-09-28T12:43:00.000-04:00

Today started out like any other. The kids dressed for school, quick breakfasts, bus pick-up and then I came home to get myself organized. Today, like all days, I spoke first to my mother. The dogs were barking like crazy in the background, and she suggested I open the door and "set them free". I then sat down to check my e-mail and update my Nutri-System weight journal (I've lost 7 lbs after 2 weeks!). The dogs, Roxy the terrier and Freddie the bichon, were, as usual, out on our screened in porch where they enjoy barking at squirrels and laying in the sunny spots.

The doorbell rang. It was Sheryl, my neighbor. "Do you have Roxy?" she asked.
"She's out back," I replied.
"The lady down the street just saw a little brown dog running through her yard"

I slammed the door in Sheryl's face, (which I didn't mean to do) and found no sign of Roxy on the porch. Evidence of her escape, a ripped screen.

Okay, now what? I'll never find her at this point. We live in the woods, right off a major highway. She's either in the woods, or she's roadkill. I call my husband. I grab my other dog. I call her name. I offer her a slice of bologna (her favorite). No Roxy. I take to my car and ease my way around the neighborhood, asking the trashmen, the joggers, the contractors, the walkers if they've seen her.

Oh, joy. I pull around to my neighbors house, and see her. She's in the driveway, and the moment she spots me, she takes off at lightning speed. She has now crossed the street, and in major woods. I'm not going in there. She appears and runs away three more times. One man spots her in his yard, but she took off to the right. She runs across the street, two cars stop and offer help. I can't get her. I call Gregg again. This time he says he's on his way home. But we can't get her.

I come home deflated, and frustrated. I call three animal shelters and make a LOST DOG sign.
I tell Wendi. She starts to cry. She has such a big heart. I'm more angry at the dog, and concerned about how the girls are going to react. I hope Gregg will help me deal with this announcement, I don't think I can do alone. I think to myself, well, this is going to be a life lesson about grief. Their first.

I go outside to post the sign on our community bulletin board. A little embarrassed that we still haven't put up a fence. After all, this is the 6th or 7th time the dog has gotten loose. But she's never been gone this long. Its been three hours.

I slowly drive around to the street behind our house, knowing that this is futile and fearing I might see her little body wounded or worse on the side of the road. I hear a faint bark, that is familiar. Is that her? It's so high pitched and upset, I worry that she is hurt. The bark gets louder and louder, and I pull into the nearest driveway. I've found her. She's barking like mad at a little black cat perched in a tree. She attempts to run several times, but she's far too interested in this black cat to run away and disappear. I call her three more times. She won't come to me and if I approach her, she'll run, I know it. So I call "Here, Kitty Kitty", and the cat makes it way over to me. The CAT. At this point Roxy is so distracted, that she slows down enough for me to grab her.

When we return, she walks directly to her familiar water bowl, and takes a nice long drink. She snuggles into her comfy pillow in the kitchen, and settles in for her nap. DOES SHE EVEN KNOW HOW LUCKY SHE IS??? DOES SHE EVEN KNOW SHE COULD HAVE BEEN HURT, PUT IN A SHELTER, OR KILLED??

Of course not, just like my kids, the comforts and familiarity of home is taken for granted. She had her adventure. She had her fun. And now she's home safe.

Thank goodness for happy endings.

My life.

2007-09-25T09:07:00.000-04:00

Mom
Homework helper
Laundress
Limo Driver
Nurse
Dieter
Cook
Personal Shopper
Accountant
File Clerk
Tutor
Story Reader
Beautician
Daughter
Sister
Friend

Busy

New Person

2007-09-18T11:59:00.000-04:00

As mothers, we naturally put our the needs of our family in front of our own personal needs. That's okay. The problem is when our family's "wants" come before our needs. For most of my motherhood years, I have put myself on the back-burner.

As a single girl, I watched my diet, enjoyed shopping and putting myself together. Had my nails done weekly, spent a lot of time at the hair salon. As a mother, I skip meals, go to the hairdresser only 3 or four times a year, and manicures have become a rarity. My diet has consisted of whatever I can grab fast enough, or overeating to compensate for skipping lunch or breakfast. I stress eat, too. When I get frustrated, or sad, or angry, or bored, the refrigerator door pops open and I eat to comfort my soul.

I look at pictures of my younger, thin self and wonder what happened? I don't feel that much different that I used to. Yet, looking at photos of my current self is so surprising. I'll see a jacket or pants in the store, and think, "that's huge", but, it fits me. My sister is doing so well on Nutri-System and was kind enough to give me her "fat" clothes. I was horrified when I discovered that they were all way too small for me.

The girls have had friends come over, and when they see my wedding portrait, they always comment on how nice I looked. Ashamed of what I've become, I always joke, "Yeah, see what 15 years and three kids can do to a person?"

The problem is, I stopped worrying about ME. I worry about my kids, my husband, my house, my business, the bills, the dogs, the groceries, the laundry. But I stopped making the care and keeping of me a priority.

ENOUGH.

I started Nutri-System 4 days ago. I'm happy to be doing something. I want to look in the mirror and recognize myself again. So, I'm trying to find time to MOVE, and drink my water and take care of myself.

So that's it. I can't wait to be an "after". I'm not brave enough to post my "before photo", so instead I'm posting my, "before before photo". I'd like to look like that again, albeit, slightly more wrinkly and gray, but its a good reminder that, that pretty girl is somewhere inside of me.

Hillarious

2007-09-12T11:32:00.000-04:00

Stupidity ensues...These are my parents :)

Create Your Own GushyGram
Visit MushyGushy.com

Building Blocks

2007-09-09T22:23:00.000-04:00

As my oldest daughter's 14th birthday approaches, I have been looking through piles of old photos, taken when she was a baby. Looking at these pictures really reminds me of a very different time in my life. She cried constantly. She was absolutely miserable, and I was the most neurotic new mother imaginable. It was impossible to soothe this little person, who had her own agenda.

One morning, after a particularly difficult night, colicky fits and little sleep, I complained to my mother about how hard it was. My mother, who is so wise, comforted me. "I know these times seem interminable, but once it's over, you will look back and think, how quickly it flew."

She was so right, and really, her comment applies to everything. I was once a newlywed living in a small apartment with my life about to truly begin. Then, an expectant mom, feeling life in my tummy with expectations of a docile baby, and me, I'd be the most perfect and patient mother. A new mom next, sleep deprived and self-doubting. The years whizzed by, and now, I'm a graying, middle aged mom of teens and almost teens. My babies who once worshiped me, now are embarrassed by me (not that I don't give them good reason!). I look back on the days of young motherhood and think that those were the most innocent and sweet times of my life.

This is Gregg, Hayley and me on Hayley's 1st birthday.
I was a couple of months pregnant with Sydney.

When Hayley was about 2 years old, we had a little routine. We'd come home after our morning errand and lunch and we'd wind down for a nap. I'd change her diaper and we'd chat, and then she'd pick a book, no doubt one she'd read time and time again. If I left one word out, or skipped a page, she'd correct me instantly. We loved Harry the Hippo, and Big Bird, Good Night Moon and 101 Dalmatians. When I placed her in her crib, she'd suck her left thumb and with her right arm, she'd cover her eyes. I'd listen to her babble on the baby monitor until she fell asleep.

We did this every day, and one day, it dawned on me, she's not going to remember this. What was so routine, and such a major moment in our day, every day, was going to be completely forgotten. I found this so sad to consider. Me pouring my whole heart into caring for her, and she'd never know. She'd never remember those precious moment she and I shared. Not the kisses and the cuddles, not the repeated requests for a sip of water. She won't remember all of her crib-mates, the stuffed animals. Or that she'd wake up every afternoon to the smells of dinner cooking on the stove. And she won't remember the thrill of seeing her daddy coming home to play with her every night.

Then, I realized of course, that it was never about me. It's about her. I gave her love and guidance and care and attention and nurturing. I gave her the building blocks of her life. She is now a self-assured and spunky young lady. Smart, and musical. Original and daring, a little goofy (in a good way). She's always willing to try something new, adores her friends and her family.

So what, she doesn't remember those days where we were a twosome. It's okay, because those days are forever part of who she has become.
Hayley, today.

The Most Wonderful Day of the Year

2007-09-05T22:44:00.000-04:00

It was the first day of school today, and it felt like it always does. The girls awake in the morning with nary a complaint. Their outfits have been painstakingly chosen days earlier. They're fully dressed before I've even emerged from the shower. The mirror gets even more action than usual today, and the beloved flat iron is put to good use. Once each hair is in place, a healthy breakfast is consumed, and a balanced lunch prepared for school. The requisite photograph is taken, (there's been one each year on this day) and we burst with pride as we watch them take their first step into a new year as they load the bus.

In about a week (or less!), I'll be pushing them out of bed fifteen minutes before the bus arrives, they'll be skipping breakfast, throwing hair up in ponytails as they run to catch the already arrived bus. They'll realize as they settle into their seats that they forgot their book bag.

But right now, the first day of the school year is so full of promise. Like the notebooks filled with empty pages, the year ahead has yet to be written, too. There will no doubt be late night sleepovers, new friendships, beloved teachers, pop quizzes, not to mention, this school year is the one where both of my older daughters will celebrate their Bat Mitzvah.

I always felt like the placement of the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashana) was more practical in our culture. Summer ends, we are rested and ready to tackle life once again. The school year is fresh as are our hopes and dreams for the coming year. The months go by too quickly, and no doubt, things won't always feel this fresh. By May, I'll be freaking out about packing for camp again. But right now is a time of year to be savored. And I naturally make some New Year's resolutions as I reflect on the near future. Maybe this year I'll finally get the closets organized. Maybe I'll finally find time to plant the daffodils, reconnect with long lost friends, take on a new responsibility. Maybe I'll actually stick to a diet. Maybe I'll catch up on the laundry. Maybe I'll start playing piano again or even join a gym. This year, I might just volunteer at my kids schools. Maybe we'll socialize more. Maybe I'll read a lot more books.

I can be sure of one thing. By this time next year we'll be talking about the college countdown. Hayley will be starting high school, and we'll be saying "just 4 more years before she's out of the house". I can't believe how old they all are now, but one day, I'll look back and think about these days and think about how little they were. Until then, I'll treasure every moment.

My Other Children

2007-09-04T09:35:00.002-04:00

Each summer, I'm blessed to have a staff of talented artists who help make our art programming so successful. This summer was no exception. My group came from New Zealand, Australia, Ireland, England and Israel. They were not only talented, but beautiful as well. They came to camp knowing no one, and have made life-long friends with one another. I have a mom's pride when I think about their accomplishments, and am proud to post this video.

It was taken at a final rehearsal for a performance at our end of season banquet. I gave them very little direction other than, "Have Fun", which, as you'll see, they did.

Abused and Manipuated

2007-08-31T22:31:00.000-04:00

Camp is hard work. Sweating in the summer heat, never getting much of a break, living in conditions that aren't exactly luxurious. And as hard as camp is, home is feeling much worse. I have spent the past 3 days trying to get my home organized and set for the school year, and prepared for another quick vacation. I'm doing laundry, paying bills, consolidating paperwork, loading the dishwasher, unloading the dishwasher, feeding the dogs, walking the dogs folding the clothes, preparing meals, grocery trips, etc. etc.

Since we've returned home, the girls are having a grand time chilling with there friends, on the computer, watching movies, inviting people over, etc. etc.

I ask them to help, and, indeed, I might get cursory assistance, but nothing really substantial. I would like to not have to ask them to help, but I have to. My oldest then tells me that I am really strict, and mean, and always asking for her to do something.

I'm so frustrated, I'm not even unpacked from camp yet, and the work keeps mounting. The piles get bigger, and as soon as I complete one task, another has appeared while my back was turned.

I feel abused. I know that is a strong word, but that is the depth of my feelings right now. I feel my girls take advantage of the fact that if they don't put the glass in the dishwasher, I will. When my little one goes outside, suddenly we have 2 more kids in the house, who appear out of nowhere. I even had a four year old neighborhood kid tell me, (and this is an EXACT quote) "That's it, I'm never coming back here", when I refused to drop what I was doing to go look at a bug in the basement.

My oldest begged for two girlfriends to sleep over the house last night. I repeatedly said NO, as I wanted her to get rest for our upcoming weekend. I finally gave in, (accidentally), as long as they went to bed early, and had their mom's pick them up at 10:00 am. Then I had to arrange dinner for the extra two girls I ended up with.

I'm not kidding when I tell you that these girls stayed up til 6:30 am, laughing out loud the whole night. I found my cell phone sitting by the computer next to an open phone book. They were making phoney phone calls ON MY PHONE through-out the night. My refrigerator was emptied with their middle of the night snacking. They then didn't leave until 12:45, almost three hours AFTER I asked them to leave.

Then my daughter, who I'm furious with, has the audacity to tell me that I'm mean and that all of her friends think so. She also told me, that these two in particular are afraid of me. Good.

I'm so tired of getting pissed upon. I'm so tired of being the only one in a house of five who takes responsibility. I'm so tired. I'm soooo tired. I just want to cry.

I don't know how to discipline them. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm don't know if I'm doing a good job.

I want to raise responsible, giving and thoughtful people. I don't know if I can.

On the subject of Vacation

2007-08-27T20:52:00.000-04:00

While I'm thinking about vacation, I thought I'd post a memory of a vacation my family and I took in what I believe was about 1974. I was 10, Wendi would be 13 (?), and we went to Lancaster County, PA. The Amish farmhouse we visited was memorable...probably because of this photo.

Anyway, I think my dad was first becoming interested in photography when this photo was taken. I remember feeling very fashionable in my halter and bandana. Dig the belly fat, especially. Wendi was not pointing at anything in particular, just pointing, to make the picture more interesting. I think Wendi is wearing shorts under that t-shirt (at least I hope she is), and I'm not sure why I needed a pocketbook at that age.

Oh my, I loved my big sister, and felt so cool and grown up to be hanging with her. Here are my two oldest girls taken 2 days ago. Will they look back on this picture 3o(plus) years from now and think how funny it is? Probably. But aren't they lucky to have the memory of special time with a sister. Just like me.

Having a Great Time, Wish You Were Here

2007-08-26T17:36:00.000-04:00

So many things about vacation have changed since we were kids. We used to disappear for a week, perhaps send a postcard to say hello. Photos were taken using our 35mm film, and reviewed a few days upon return (if you remembered to have them processed). Car trips, when we were kids, were long and boring, and consisted of fighting over which radio station to listen to, and looking out the window to amuse ourselves. Speaking by phone to anyone was next to impossible, unless you wanted to pay outrageous fees to your hotel

My how things have changed. We can talk to our hearts content via our cell phones, check our e-mail on our wireless laptops, and update our facebook account (another story, another blog post). We can edit our photos on the same day, and create home movies that rival Spielberg (okay, Harry Spielberg, not Steven, but you get the picture). Car trips are a highlight these days, between i-pods, game boys and dvd players in the car. Trips are no longer measured in miles, but in how many movies. (i.e. it takes 7 movies to get to Florida; 1 movie to drive to the shore; 3 movies til Virgina, etc.)

I could write now about how much I miss the old days, how vacations have lost there purity. How my children should foster their imaginations by looking out the window. How we should bond as a family by simply talking. (Which we do a lot of). But...I'm on vacation. I don't really feel like being on serious, that's for the other 51 weeks of the year. Below is a little movie of our 2nd day in town. Boring to most, but I love it. :)

What I Did This Summer

2007-08-16T22:17:00.001-04:00

Actually, this is what I did the last week of camp. We had our annual banquet, and this year's theme was "Grease". Over the years that I have been at camp the banquet has morphed into a huge undertaking. My staff and I spend the last week of camp making decorations, centerpieces and preparing for this one special night.

This year was amazing. We had a great presentation, that I think the campers just loved. My wonderfully beautiful and talented staff performed a dance to "We Go Together", in costumes they made themselves. Our decorations and centerpieces were fantastic,but I must admit, I'm most proud of a little movie This is one of our centerpieces (we made 35 total) that I worked on with my friend Caryl.
The "milkshake" is NOT real...how cool is that?

we put together, a parody of Grease, starring many of our upper staff members in key roles.

I must say, that when I began this endeavor, I was so nervous that I wouldn't get cooperation from those I recruited to participate. After all, everyone is so busy at camp, and moments of frivolity are hard to come by. I must admit I felt rather presumptuous expecting people to step out of their routine, not to mention their comfort zone. I couldn't have been more wrong. Every one was so enthusiastic and excited by this project.

I was doubly blessed by having our camp Program Coordinator take over most of the editing of the movie. Thank heavens, because the editing of this movie is SPECTACULAR!!!

Anyway, I'm so excited to share the youtube link with you, please check it out. I'm so proud of this!!!

Home Sweet Home

2007-08-15T23:22:00.000-04:00

We made through a wonderful summer, and now we are all safe and sound, and home. This was a successful summer for all of us, though I think very hard on my husband. Going from a bustling, busy house, to an empty one, for 8 full weeks must be very tough after the first two days. His support for our camp lifestyle is unwavering and I'm so thankful.

In November, 2002, when I was first offered the position at camp, I remember telling Gregg, that this wasn't just about the upcoming summer, instead this was about a lifestyle choice, We would not have ordinary summers that I had expected for our family. No weekend barbecues, no day trips to the zoo, museums or even the dog park. No (very inexpensive) community day camp for the girls; no staying inside in air-conditioned comfort on those days where its not the heat, it's the humidity; no bells jingling from the ice cream man, no lemonade stands. We wouldn't have our daily trek to our nearby beach, no hosing down of sand off of little piggies. No setting up a plastic pool, and watching all the neighborhood children magically appear in bathing suits and flip-flops.

And as I have mentioned before, leaving each year, is heartbreaking. I'm never ready to leave my home, I usually feel like, I just want to have a summer like normal people, though by the end of camp, I feel proud and invigorated that my hard work, and dedication have resulted in my daughters truly enjoying picture perfect summers.

I now consider myself lucky. How many other 40-something women do you know that get to spend their two months in summer camp? I get to be the fly on the wall that we all would now and then like to be. And the campers, not just my own children, but all of the children, that I have now watched grow up, I get to share in their joys and accomplishments. And whether they sing a beautiful song in a talent show, perform in a play, win a competition or are given a special award for their hard work, I cheer proudly, like I would for my own.

I always knew, for sure, that camp is great for my children, but what I didn't expect was that it would be great for our whole family. We are a special little community at camp. Working long days, giggling, sweating, creating, and having fun. We learn we have more potential than we ever thought possible, and that by just working hard, we make beautiful friendships. We learn that kindness goes a long way, and that when dealing with people, patience and understanding are key. We make mistakes everyday, and learn to deal with them, and we can make something wonderful out of very little.

I know this doesn't make a lot of sense, as this is more a stream of consciousness type post than i normally write. Forgive me, I'm tired and it's sooooooo late.

Anyway, glad to be back in the real world!

Color War Fun

2007-08-07T18:48:00.000-04:00

The camp is in the midst of color war, which, to the camping world, is THE major event of the summer. The camp is divided into two teams, and they compete in a myriad of events and competitions. Addison took part on her teams little dance team, and I thought you would enjoy sneaking a peak at my little star. (If it doesn't load right away, it only means that you tube hasn't finished processing, and you are on this blog much more quickly than I had anticipated.

If you still don't see it, search youtube.com for "Lilshish" and a list of my videos will come up...

xoxoxo